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Post Info TOPIC: My story


Newbie

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My story


Hello everyone. I hope that I have found a place to get everything out there and find the help needed. My story is a little long, but it will give you an idea on where to even start.

I met a guy who was in a rehab facility. We started dating and I would pick him up on the weekends and we would spend time together then I'd bring him back to the rehab on Sunday nights. Everything was good. I understand the program and I understand AA/NA meetings, etc. The reason I knew about all this is because there are some family members who have had to do the step work and still attend meetings, etc. I have seen it since a younger age.

He graduated from the program and we moved in together. I didn't know at the time that it would be a big mistake to let him move in with me so soon after rehab. I thought as long as he keeps doing the steps and being with the right people things will be good. Well, it all started when i had to leave town for 2 weeks because of work. I left him at the house because he had been doing good since we were together. I got back after those 2 weeks and received a text that he was no longer at the house and was so sorry. I get to my house and every thing had been stolen. DVD's, multiple tvs, game systems, sound systems, jewelry, expensive purses, clothes, some shoes, etc. I had to call the police of course and report this. My world was crumbling down around me. Fast forward months later. He got picked up while driving a car and there was a warrant for his arrest. He got off with having to pay back what he stole. He completed that. We kept our distance for a bit and then I began to give him another chance. I know I shouldn't have, but I did.

time and time again his story has been he needs money to pay back this dealer, but then he takes the money and buys more drugs and then gets fronted more stuff. then he steals something else to pay for that. He has bought and sold moped after moped. Each moped he gets about $50 worth of some sort of drug and then he no longer has a ride. He wouldn't keep a job, well couldn't keep a job. He started dabbling more and more with Meth and heroin. I began to have no money and worked a good job. He talked me into a bunch of stuff and now I am stuck paying the bills with no help:( 

He went into rehab again and is out again and seems to be getting it right this time. Well hopefully. I need help :)



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Don't ever let anyone dull your sparkle



~*Service Worker*~

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SCGirl84 - welcome to MIP - glad you found us and glad you shared. Al-Anon is for family and friends of Alcoholics who are affected by another's drinking. I know there is also Nar-Anon, but I also know that for every Nar-Anon meeting in my area, there are 5 Al-Anon meetings. So, either will help you work on you.

We learn in Al-Anon that we did not cause their issues, can not control their issues and can not cure their issues. Every time I gave my qualifiers a safe/soft place to land, I enabled them to avoid their bottom and the natural consequences of their actions. I urge you to see if you can find local meetings and attend a few to understand more about addiction as well as to get a feel for our side of the program.

Glad you joined us - keep coming back!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome SCGir l am so happy you found us and reached out. i support the suggestions that IAH posted to you and urge you to seek a support program for yourself. It does sound as if you are a kind trusting compassionate person and I can identify. In program I had to learn that I had to show kindnesss,compassion and love to myself first and then share that with others. It was not selfish or unkind to consider self first and not trust everyone at first intro

Keep coming back. You are not alone.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome, It sounds like you have been going through a hard time but learning some hard lessons. Often when we feel this desperate need to be loved or needed we can cling to the tiniest bits of affection and ignore the full picture. He is an addict behaving like an addict and his behaviour isnt your fault, you didnt cause this and you cant cure it. The only thing you can do is work towards improving your self esteem and self worth so that you can recognise your worth. Alanon will help you with this. He is telling you who he is through his behaviour, he is controlled and driven by his addiction and will do and say anything for that disease. So please dont believe his sob stories, how he most likely had the worst ever childhood, everybody is against him, hes got the worst luck ever and its the whole worlds fault. He will say anything to get you to feel sorry for him, the little boy lost act works great. Then when you have sympathy and want to help hes got you exactly where he wants you, giving him money, bailing him out, listening to his sob stories etc. The thing about this is, your not helping him, you are helping his disease and his disease is killing him. Let him Go, your life is not improving with him in it.



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Senior Member

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I once said here in a post, the addict gets all the support while in rehab, he/she has access to as much support as they need when they are discharged should the decide to use or access it. The spouse/significant other of the addict has to find and seek out the support. Had I known then what I know now....wow those early days of post rehab would have been much different. Resistant at first to Ala-non, I am finding my peace through working the steps. Its not easy. The most important thing I have learned is giving my AH the respect and dignity of managing his own recovery. Detaching myself from the obvious fabrications. We have separate bank accounts. If hes in the negative oh well. Through the ESH of this group I have learned that I am not in control of his addiction nor his recovery if he chooses that. I am only in charge of how I react and what I can deal with. Prayers for you. Keep coming back.

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Suzann


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Thank You all for the kind words. I am slowly but surely beginning to see that this isn't something I caused, something I did or whatever, it's his addiction. I admit I was there through everything and kept holding on thinking each time would be different. el-cee the scenarios/examples you put in your reply are spot on. He uses his childhood as his crutch all the time. People around him though are getting sick of hearing this because he's been using that since he was 16. It's time to grow up and accept what's going on. I have opened up to several people recently. Before this time around I was embarrassed to talk to people or reach out for someone to talk with because I always thought everyone was going to see me as the girl with the addict and lose respect for me as well. I am seeing that is not the case and the words of encouragement and truth are exactly what I need to hear. I will continue to come back and seek out a meeting in my area if possible. I want to fix my life and be back to the person I was. And I want to add that drugs are not his only go to. He does drink, well did drink. He's currently sober. When he would drink it would be to get as drunk as he could and as fast as he could. There was never a moment where drinking was a casual, enjoyable thing. Once he drinks then the wheels start turning and then it's drugs, then it's buying more alcohol. What's sad is he's only 27 and is throwing his life away quickly.



-- Edited by SCGirl84 on Thursday 28th of April 2016 09:37:45 AM

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Don't ever let anyone dull your sparkle



~*Service Worker*~

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Welcome to MIP! It is a great place!! Please take care of you.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Aloha Shannon and welcome to the board.  I read your post and feel the old frustration and confusion I felt when I first made the doors of Al-Anon.  There was so much I didn't know and had to learn in order to even understand where I came from, what happened and what I wanted to come about.  I Knew nothing and didn't even know that I didn't know.  The disease was killing us; my alcoholic/addict wife and I and later after investigation and work I found out I was born and raised in the disease.  Knowing that didn't bring instant understanding and solutions because I continued to participate in the disease with mutually diseased people.  I did what I knew until I learned better.

Keep coming here and find a face to face meeting in your area.  The phone number for Al-Anon can be found in the white pages of your local telephone book.  Call, learn and go.   Keep coming back here also to share and read.  (((((hugs))))) smile



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Newbie

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I myself just left my boyfriend. He is an alcoholic and i was tired of being his babysitter and making sure he wasnt drinking. I have children, not with him, but they are my first priority and i didnt want them to live through this. My bf would hide his drinking all the time from me and i would get so mad when i found his passed out or found empty bottles. Then i would ask him about it and he would lie. He always preeched about how he hated liars but yet he did to me all the time. I had to make the decision for both of us and i knew if i left he would go on a drinking binge, hit rock bottom. Maybe then he would go get help. So thats what happened. But now he has been in rehab for only 5 days but i have so many emptions running through me. I talked to his mom today and he is having a therapy session with his family thurs. I guess i just was hurt because i am not considered his family. I am mad and sad ..frustrated and i dont know how to deal with this. I want him to know why i left and i want him to know the hell he put me through. I cried every day since i have left. I have bad anxiety. I have to start all over. Im staying eith family roght now until i can get a home. I am so hurt over this. I just wish he would call me to see how i am. His mom says he is ashamed and i get that but damn, him not contacting me is killing me. He has ruined any life we could of had together. I need closure. Anyone else feel the same way? I almost feel selfish because im jot the one that has the issues but i was hurt so badly and i never wanted to leave but that was my last straw. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

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Danielle



~*Service Worker*~

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Hi, Dani, welcome to MIP.  It might help to start your own thread so more people will find it.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  I hope you can find a face-to-face meeting - no one should have to go through this alone.  Sadly alcoholics are very self-absorbed and they remain that way far into recovery, if they get far into recovery.  (Even more sadly, the majority do relapse and never achieve longterm sobriety - all the more reason we shouldn't wait for them to get sober before we create good lives for ourselves.)  I hung on for so long waiting for the understanding and the "I'm sorry."  Al-Anon gives us the tools to deal with the situation and to make our own lives good even if that "I'm sorry" doesn't come when we want it to.  But we don't need an "I'm sorry" to be worth enjoying our lives!  I hope you'll read through the threads here, find a meeting, and keep coming back.



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Newbie

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Thank you so much. I really think this will help me alot. I cant really talk to my family about this because they dont understand. I cant just switch my feelings off and move on. I will definately start exploring this site. Thank you again.

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Danielle



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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I welcome you too Dani! Glad you found us and glad that you shared. I fully understand your sadness and grief - it's a loss for today, no matter what comes next. I am certain he's been instructed to not make contact beyond family, especially if the contact might be slippery or anxiety-causing. I do agree with Mattie - finding a local Al-Anon group will give you fellowship and support as you navigate your way through the results of living with this disease.

Please keep coming back - you are not alone!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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