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Post Info TOPIC: Courage to Change 25/4


~*Service Worker*~

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Date:
Courage to Change 25/4


Today's C2C addresses the denial many of us develop when living with the disease of alcoholism. It points out that even thog we may have been living for years with doubt, fear, chaos and all manner of unpleasant emotions and situations, we develop the habit of assuring everyone else, and ourselves that we are "just fine".

The reading stresses the importance of feeling free to be honest, and being in an environment where we feel we can give an honest answer to questions such as 'how are you".

The reminder suggests that we ask ourselves 'How do I feel today" and, if we answer honestly we can both seek the help we need and also share happiness with others.

The quote is from "The Dilemma of The Alcoholic Marriage"- "We can say what we mean only if we have the courage to be honest with ourselves and with others".

***

Ha, insisting that I am fine and becoming angry when anyone contradicts me is a trademark behavior of mine I am sure. A lot of it stemmed from fear, that if other people knew what I was going through, they would intervene somehow and offer unwanted help that might only make things worse. On top of that, managing life within chaos and sadness was absolutely exhausting; I felt that I was already doing a much harder job than my seemingly "normal" peers so, in my mind, i deserved to at least be viewed in a good light as someone who was 'fine". Why should i endure the burden of being thought incapable when I was enduring so much just to maintain "normal?"

What an exhausting and soul crushing effort it is maintaining the appearance that all is well when it is anything but.

Just as the reading suggests, if someone asks me now "how are you", I'm able to say "Oh, a bit tired today" or "A bit worried about X" instead of furiously insisting that I am fine. If I am annoyed with something someone does and they ask me 'what's wrong with you" I am now more likely to say "I am not enjoying XYZ that you are doing" calmly than to give a stony-faced "NOTHING". And finally, i can be honest with myself about how I am feeling which means, i can take steps to rectify problems instead of wasting my energy trying to deny them and cover them up.

Yay!!



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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks for the topic Ms. M. Like you, before program I denied reality to myself and others. I knew I felt angry, resentful, self pity and fear continually but since i had no tools to change these deep feelings, I had to deny them in order to "pretend" to be happy .

Alanon taught me these deep feelings were not who I was or how I felt . They were the result of living with the disease of alcoholism. That under all the negative destructive tools that i developed was a person capable of joy, happiness, love empathy and serenity I needed to work the program the 4 th through 12 th Step in order to
Thanks for your service.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Senior Member

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Thank you Ms. M!  Great post.  I to wore the mask that I thought others wanted to see.  I've learned it was my Disease/EGO.  I wanted others to see me as independent, confident, emotionally balanced, funny and kind.  When I would feel just the opposite on the inside.  Fear, doubt and insecurity drove my insides.  I'm just learning now to be real with others I feel safe with.  We are safe here and the Fellowship to remove the mask, become vulnerable and talk about the truth.    I just read something that relates to this:  when we talk with others about our true feelings we allow them to accept us for who we are, in turn we start accepting ourselves for who we are. 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 11569
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Me too, me too, me too.....how automatic was it that when someone said, "How are you?" My auto answer was often, "Fine". Through recovery, I have learned that FINE has a different answer....I have added or changed FINE to other answers, depending upon my true feelings - Good, OK, No Sure, etc.

The program taught me how to feel - I often didn't even know what was going on within me. I never took the time to feel, or even think before I acted/spoke. The PAUSE tool has been a gift for me in learning to feel, deal and heal.

Thanks MissMel for your service and today's daily! Thanks to all for your ESH!!

(((Hugs))) - Happy Monday!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

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This hits home for me. I am traveling for work and had dinner with a couple I have known for years. After many years of saying, "good. I'm fine", I told them the truth. That I actually am ok since I have been going to al anon but before that, things were pretty bad. It feels good to finally be able to be honest with the people close to me about what I have been going through. It really is like a Weight being lifted. 



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