The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The daily reading from C2C for today talks about detachment. The writer discusses that it's easier to detach from casual friends than loved ones because we are less involved emotionally. If family members act as the casual friends, we have a different response, at times. What the reader discusses is that this difference in our responses gives us insight into HAVING CHOICES about how we RESPOND and REACT.
The reader goes on to share what he/she has learned by comparing these situations. Detachment involves paying attention to our own moods before we take on the mood of another. By pausing and listening, we can see and hear the anger or negativity without becoming angry or negative. We do not have to have a bad day because someone we care about is struggling. Knowing this allows us to let everyone, including ourselves feel whatever they feel without interference.
The reminder suggests pausing for a moment before we focus on another's mood. We may discover during this pause that we have feelings of our own that deserve attention. We are asked to check in with ourselves, just for today to see what we feel and what we can do about that.
The quote is from Detachment - "We let go of our obsession with another's behavior and begin to lead happier and more manageable lives, lives with dignity and rights, lives guided by a Power great than ourselves."
When I arrived, my concept of love, caring and parenting were distorted and replaced by controlling and co-dependency. Detachment for me gave me the freedom to let HP manage my life as well as the lives of those I care about/love. I was not one to pause as I did not believe I was obsessed or affected by this disease. I often thought when.....then - when they get sober, then I'll be happy or when they stop this behavior, we will all get along. I could give many when.............then(s) but I no longer think this way.
Detachment has allowed me to view my qualifiers with empathy and grace and tend to my own feelings during chaotic and difficult times. It's also allowed me to stop offering unsolicited advice when I am not asked. It's given me the freedom to focus on what I am, what I am doing and how I am feeling and growing. I now have my own journey and respect others' enough to allow them their own journey too!
Thank you Al-Anon and MIP!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"Detachment involves paying attention to our own moods before we take on the mood of another.". Oh My Gosh! That is the single most powerful explanation of detachment that I have heard! I have been struggling, trying to understand, just exactly what detachment means, and that sentence clicked it all into place for me! Thank you Iamhere. Thank you for today's reading, and helping me to put this into perspective!
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KathyRN
"A PROBLEM IS ONLY A PROBLEM, IF YOU CHOOSE TO SEE IT AS A PROBLEM!"
Learning to pause has been difficult for me but it does really make a difference when I choose to do just that. Also paying attention to my mood before taking on anothers is so true. I know if I am tired, hungry or run down my reactor scale is way overboard. After some sleep, food and a pause to think, I can usually acquire a better perspective.
