Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene

Armywife · Newbie

Hard to admit... but I need help

Iamhere · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome Armywife to MIP - glad you joined and glad you reached out....I am so sorry that you are struggling with your sobriety. This is actually an Al-Anon message board - but there are some of us who are double winners (AA & Al-Anon). I've been sober for 28+ years and my journey began with a nudge from a judge....

My best suggestion would be to seek out some AA meetings and attend. There is nothing to be lost by becoming connected to others who have similar journeys. Removing the alcohol from an alcoholic leaves behind the 'isms'.....those isms are often how we think, how we process, short-term memory (you quit for a reason....), distorted reality, etc.

I'm not too certain what your husband knows about your choice to be/stay sober, but it does sound as if he could use some lessons on alcoholism/recovery. Of course, you can only take care of you and plants seeds with him, but we never know when a planted seed will grow and bloom.

I agree with you that asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. Both AA & Al-Anon follow the same steps, and it has everything to do with a personal journey towards a spiritual solution that brings about peace of mind and serenity.

Keep coming back - you are not alone!!

milkwood · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Armywife and Welcome to MIP,

There are wonderful people here and in AA who can help you more than I, but I just wanted to say thank you for reaching out - I know it isn't easy, but so worth while! I genuinely believe that asking for help is a sign of strength, wisdom and, most of all, it is a gift, a beautiful sign of our humanity.

Congratulations on being sober for three years - I've seen how tough that battle can be and I admire your choices. Take good care of you, sending ((((hugs)))) and I hope you will keep coming back.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Hello Armywife Asking for help is extremely difficult and I am pleased that you reached out. Alanon (this board ) was designed for family members who have difficulty with another's drinking. In alanon we believe that we are powerless over people,places and things and that by keeping the focus on ourselves and changing our attitudes, we will grow and be able to live life on life"s terms without reacting to the insanity about us

If another's drinking is affecting your sobriety, I believe that the AA Message Board and AA meetings would provide you with the best tools possible to maintain your serenity and sobriety Here is the link to that Message Board

http://aa.activeboard.com/forum.spark?forumID=42735

Good Luck

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

My ex stopped drinking for 30 years ago.

Stopping Is only one part of the disease.
The isms remain there is still so much inside
Work to do. He has attended AA since 2011
And i alanon in 2012.

We should have both been going for thirty
Years. He felt he did not need it, he goes now
A little too late in the game.

I learned the hard way to ask for help i was
On rock bottom. I am reaching out and asking
For help now From good healthy loving people.

It is a journey one well worth it, full of reclaiming
Yourself, learning healthy and good coping skills.
The fellowship and sharing is great too.

The military has programs in place take
Advantage of those too. I kept reaching until i
Got the mix of help i needed to get better.

(((((((( armywife ))))))))))

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Have you ever tried face to face meetings for AA or Al-anon? I believe for me I am always stronger in my program when I am actively working on it and meeting with my like minded family group members. Sending you love and support on your journey!

Thorn · Veteran Member

Hey AW-

Long story short, I am a double winner too, sober 27 years. My husband and I had a short time at AA (1 year) and because of some social stuff within our group stopped going to meetings. So basically, I kind of white knuckled it in my large family of multiple alcoholics. Over the years my husband relapsed. He is now sober again.

I stayed sober but returned to Al Anon after my daughter hit her bottom and joined AA. I relate now much more to that program as I don't thinking of drinking any more and I don't think of not drinking anymore.

My point is, now I know that choosing sobriety was not the same as choosing recovery. Learning to care for my own well being has been such a relief that I don't have to do it alone. I have My HP's help and all of our members. For me, having a program is so much better than not having one. I wish I had done it "right" years ago, but such was not my path.

Both AA meetings (I attend opens) and Al-Anon meetings are helpful to me. I am working the steps with a sponsor from the Al-Anon perspective for the first time and it's given me incredible hope.

I'm still not good at asking for help, but I'm working on it. I have always thought I could do it all, fix it all but then life got unmanageable, I surrendered and walked into a meeting seeking help. It did not get better right away but not it is A LOT better.

Peace-

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene