The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to the group but not to al-anon. This has been an extremely hard week on me. I have been staying with my parents since my AH left me in July and filed for divorce in August. They have been out of town for a week tomorrow and I feel very isolated. I am 37 years old and feeling pretty lame for living with my parents and having such a hard time being alone. I find myself seeking out reassurance from men and I know that doesn't go anywhere good for me or solve any of my problems. I am getting used to being a single mother of 2 kids and it is very isolating and hectic. I am only working half time right now and I still feel overwhelmed. It is hard for me to get any time in for myself when my parents are out of town. I just feel completely isolated. I have a 2 year old so I cannot take him to meetings or interact with others much when he is awake because he demands all of my attention. I have not been able to go to a meeting for a week because I have no one to watch my children. I have been calling my friends in al-anon but I am still feeling really off. My AH has been sending a lot of abusive, demeaning and nasty messages this week. I had been doing better at ignoring them but with everything else going on I have found myself responding. I have not been nasty back to him but I find myself feeling like I have to defend myself. I know that reasoning with the alcoholic is insanity. I might as well be talking to a wall or banging my head against it but I can't seem to help myself from responding. I have had to do some things to prepare for the divorce this week and that makes me very anxious. Some days I feel like it is all too much for me. I don't know how to take care of myself, work and take care of 2 children on my own. I am hoping that this group will give me a place to check in even when I can't make it to a meeting. Thank you.
Spice,
Be gentle with yourself this is a hard time
To go thru alone. Keep reaching out to
Supportive healthy people. I felt almost
Frantic during my seperation and divorce.
Spice - good morning and welcome to MIP. So very glad you found us and glad that you shared.
I am sorry that you feel isolated and anxious over where you are in life. We have a wise one here (Betty) who suggests daily gratitude lists and asset lists. I have found that when I am discontent, these two simple things added to my morning routine can help me re-center and feel a bit balanced.
I also agree with Mirandac - be gentle with yourself. It's not easy to raise children when there are 2 adults in the home, so any peace/brreaks you can find, do your best to do for you. Simple things for me like reading from the daily readers, turning on some music, etc. can help me also re-center.
We do have 2 meetings online daily. If you look to the top left, you can see the schedule and the link to the meeting/chat room. When I have been unable to get out for F2F meetings, these have been a huge gift to me. Those who attend fully understand if you arrive late, need to leave early, etc. It's a great fellowship and one that saved me many times over.
Usually, someone is just a post away, so do join us and know you aren't alone!! (((Hugs)))
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Sorry for what your'e going through Spice, but you are in the right place. There is always something relevant on this board.
I see myself in your post, many years ago was separated from my AH with 2 small children and I remember feeling like I just wanted run away from home! I relished any chance to "get away" and unfortunately was disconnected from Al-Anon for many years. You sound like you have a grasp of the program so you will be able to do your next right thing.
I recall busying myself with even the most mundane chores, making sure I got out of the house with the little ones and just played with them, kind of faking it 'till I made it sort of thing but my HP got me through. It was told to me that when you don't know what to do...do the dishes! I was grateful to have the support of my family during that difficult time.
Now I have learned to take my mental breaks wherever I can get them, reading my books, checking this board, rising early to meditate, prayer in the shower, just whatever minutes I can steal. Have not taken advantage of these on-line meeting because I am fortunate to get to a couple of F2F a week
Spice - I am so sorry for what you are going through. I can relate to feeling isolated - along with the trouble in communicating with the A. I hope things get easier for you soon. All the best, Jaclyn
Welcome Spice! This is a great place to check in and take a break and a breath. Your story sounds very much like mine once upon a time. The isolation is hard and because my health took a nose dive these on line groups really extended a life line when I couldn't get out to a F2F.
It does get better and the first step for me was to find ways to step off the Merry-go-round in my mind. I would worry, think about the impending catastrophe around the corner ( because I posses a crystal ball LOL) and spend countless hours overthinking every detail of our lives. Handing that over to HP gave me so much more TIME and ENERGY with my kids it was wonderful! It's like the real estate between my ears was finally mine.
Hugs to you and your littles and keep coming back - you're worth it.
Thank you for all the feedback everyone! It is nice to know there is a place to go when I can't get out of the house. I had a sponsor but her schedule was really busy and we could never seem to connect. Now I found one here that is retired and has a lot of time and is willing to come to me. So we are going to get together for the first time this Saturday. I am glad that I will be able to meet with her and start working the steps. So I just keep plugging along and I am so happy for the weekend so it is a little less hectic!
Way to go on getting a sponsor and setting up a meeting! That's great self-care and my hope is that small step, just for you, gives you peace, just for today!
We are here, and I too have found tons of fellowship right here on the boards. There is a wealth of wisdom here and tons who are willing to share their personal journey. It's in the personal stories I learn, grow and think differently. This is a great place for me to find solutions and support on living with peace in spite of what others are doing or are not doing!
Keep coming back!!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Welcome Spice, and good for you for reaching out to use the resources of the program! Keeping the wisdom of the program foremost in mind through working with a sponsor, meetings, daily reading, prayer and meditation is guaranteed to help push back and replace negative, crippling thoughts and feelings. Keep up the good work
__________________
Paul
"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives." - Paths to Recovery
Hi there sending you support. I am 44 and have one child. I left my 17 yr marriage to my ah this past december. I had confirmation of infidelity and other typical alcoholic marriage stuff. We started work with a div med and i got the ok tomove out. . I couldnt stay there any longer. . Icurrently live in my friends spare room, at my folks on some weekends, have the basics of my belongings and custody 50% of the week. I have a po box and basically qualify as homelss. Unlike you isolation isnt as much of a problem my child is older and i work.everyday. .But its hard to accept where i am sometimes. .So you are good tocome here. .As many remnd me, you are not alone.
__________________
When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
