The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want to share a little about my search for a new job. I've been trying to put "fear of the unknown" in balance and stay true to myself in my search. I had quite a few interviews last week, five of them. Three of these were in person. I prefer conversation over being quizzed about hypothetical situations. I can only do my best and then let go of the results. Some interviewers are unclear about the duties of the the job. Others report duties that have no resemblance to the job posting. I ask more questions in an initial phone screening now due to the perplexing nature interviews. It's clear some interviewers are not use to interviewing people. They become chatty and talk about things unrelated to the job they are offering. It's nice to have a balance but I'm not sure sometimes if the fluff is because they've already selected someone but still need to get through the interviews with other candidates. I want to be friendly but it's been important to me that they have skill related information documented from an interview. I want to be called back for a second interview. Sometimes, I politely circle them back to what value I can bring to their company and the position. In the past, I would people please and just go along with what others wanted instead of considering what I wanted. Knowing we both like sumatra coffee isn't going to get me the job. At least I hope not! lol What if I decide to give up coffee
I try not to invest in a particular workplace as "the workplace for ME!" Sometimes a reported "reputable" company, isn't. Employee reviews tend to be a "take what you liked and leave the rest" thing. I'm not sure that all companies with low scores deserve them. I've been looking for common themes amongst reviews, the timeline they were posted, whether there's been updates and trying to keep an open mind.
I had an interview on Friday that was a little different in a good way. Firstly, I mistakenly applied for the position using my resume and a cover letter addressed to another organization. The hiring manager reached out to me through email and asked if I'd meant to apply for the position. I responded that I had mean't to apply to the position she was offering, thanked her and emailed a corrected cover letter for the position. The next day, I was contacted to interview. During the interview, the hiring manager clearly expanded on the responsibilities of the position. She told me she had been performing her own job and the duties of the open position. Instead of asking me questions related to what others would say about me, she told me what others thought of her. She told me about her personal and professional journey to reach her current role. Like all of us (at least those of us who are willing to admit it) she had a story of what got her here. She allowed herself to be vulnerable in the telling of that story with a stranger (me). It was likely one of the most relaxed interviews I've ever had. It was very conversational yet the personal aspects had relevance to the work. We both discussed work responsibilities and skills in balance with that. I was able to tell her how my personal and professional experiences would compliment their organization.
I sent her a thank you email today. I was open with her about my interest and emotional when presenting that interest. Yes, it's in her hands and she can reject me after I've responded almost with my heart on my sleeve but if I want to work for someone who I could respect and even admire, I need to express my feelings not just my present my skills. I opened up and was emotionally vulnerable in my email to her. This isn't to say that opened the floodgates and told my personal story at great length referencing my program. I just made it clear and with sincerity my admiration of her and the awesome work that being done and my investment in it. It must have resonated with her because within fifteen minutes or so she emailed me back to say how much she appreciated the note and would be in touch. She did say that she could see that I clearly get what they do there. So maybe this is a person worth working for and with. I feel flattered that with her level of authority and responsibilities that she took time to respond. I let her response be final. Now we'll see what's next and I'm sure hp will let me know what is next.
I'm going to accept this as the positive experience it's been and keep moving forward with other applications. I'm just glad to be at a place in my recovery to show up, present what I've got and let go. Anyway, thank you for letting me share with you. This lady has given me hope that there could be worthwhile opportunities out there :) TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Monday 1st of February 2016 04:43:13 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Thank you Betty for the encouragement. I am trying. I'm feeling stronger and more confident as a result. I had an interview this morning which I ended. I told the interviewers that I felt the position was not what I had envisioned. They said they understood and wanted to present everything required up front. I told them I appreciated their candor and hoped they appreciated my honesty. I said it would be unprofessional to accept this job if offered knowing it would be a placeholder until I found a different opportunity. I said I'm not a person who's comfortable doing that sort of thing and I'm sure you wouldn't want to have to repeat this process. We thanked one another for the time spend and I left.
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hey TT - I have been distracted for the last week +, but this is a great thread. I applaud you for taking the time to truly look for/at job(s) that you 'want' and believe would be good fits for both you and them. Keep doing what you are doing - your efforts, patience and program tools are keeping you grounded in your truth and it seems to be working for you!
Sending you positive thoughts and energy and hoping for the best! Keep us posted!
PS - I had to laugh about the coffee.....I can not imagine a day without it, but that's me - ha.ha.ha.ha.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks Iamhere for your support. I really value my serenity. I'm not sure I can go back to giving my power away by entrenching myself in another unhealthy work environment. I understand that no workplace can be ideal but if I choose to consciously choose to ignore red flags and instead pursue acceptance from a prospective employer that's clearly not a good fit for me, well... I'd be basically doing the same thing but expecting a different result. I've pretty much surrendered this. I'm excited to see where my work will be. More will be revealed from hp :) Oh and btw, I like my coffee too! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Crossing fingers and toes for you! I had a similar sort of feeling earlier in the year when I got to know a teacher that seemed to enjoy my way of thinking and took on a bit of a mentoring role with me, it really gave me a boost and reignited my passion for the topic. I'm excited to see where your job-search leads for you too, whether it's with that company or another. Raising my coffee in toast to your fabulous outlook
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Woo-hoo - fellow coffee fiends! Gotta love me some coffee!
(((Hugs))) all!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
TT this is a great thread...a teaching and or sponsoring thread, I like the alternatives it brings up and how you arrived at your choices. I also like to handle people that way and to be treated the same in return. Mahalo (((((hugs)))))
Thanks Mel for the finger and toe crossing. Ouch! lol Nice that we can have these open discussion with confidence with people outside the program. When I first came to Alanon, I didn't have much of a voice from living with active alcoholism. When I thought to contribute to a conversation, I withdrew instead. I underestimated the value of anything that I could add. I thought no one would be interested in any input from me.
Jerry, I like your point about the mutual exchange of sponsor and sponsee and remaining teachable. I'm learning how far reaching practicing our principles can be. This truly is a program nor just for recovering from the effects of alcoholism. It seems to add value to just about any life situation. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I was thinking the same Milkwood..somehow we always wind up where we are supposed to be!
Years ago a friend of mine met her now (10yrs) husband on a dating site. On their first date there was some sort of mix where they both had thought they were there to meet someone else that they had contacted through the site. Essentially, they were both supposed to be on separate dates with other people.
They rest is history. Just another example of HP in our lives. So glad you were open to that TT and staying true to yourself is admirable.
Milkwood and Thorn, I am very grateful for these new connections. They offer an opportunity to grow.
Sometimes the reason for the connection by hp is evident as was the case Thorn for your friend and her husband. That's a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it.
Milkwood, yes, even when hp's will isn't readily known to me, these positive exchanges are empowering as I keep going forward in my life each day. For me, negativity is life sapping while positive energy is life affirming. I know what I choose to focus on longest becomes strongest. As i progress in my recovery, this is more and more about mindfulness of fully being present (neither bringing catastrophic event of the past or unknown events of the future) into the experience being brought to me by my higher power. I can rest in the palm of my hp's hand and know I'm right where I'm mean't to be. Yes, Thorn.. an example of hp in my life. :) Thank you. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 4th of February 2016 05:17:50 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
TT - being unemployed is on my catastrophe list under "THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT NEEDLESSLY WHEN TIME ALLOWS". Thank you for showing that using tools and staying focused leads to not only serenity, but growth, new opportunity and connections in any situation. I think I can toss my list now... No, I might need it "just in case". No! Tossing the list!!! Trusting HP! :o)
TT - I'm going off-topic for one post - so very sorry!
LedfootJenny - I've had a week from he!!, so I had to say that your post above this just made me Laugh OUT LOUD!!!! You have no idea how much I needed that. Love the sense of humor and your timing brightened my day!
Back to topic!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I got an email this morning from the Exec. Director asking for my references. She also thanked me for a second time for my comments in my interview thank you email. She sent a benefits summary for me to to look at as well. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
TT - that just sounds so promising! I now also have my fingers crossed that the outcome is better than you ever hoped!!! Of course, since it's Friday night, I suppose you may not hear anything until next week....have a marvelous weekend TT!! (((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
TT - have a great weekend, I love the idea that references are being sought and am trying not to get excited - but I hope you don't mind if I allow myself a small smile of enjoyment in your news. I know I need more patience than I have, but a flutter of anticipation in another's good fortune helps me stay sweet! What will be will be!
Thanks for the good wishes you guys. I had the most awful nightmare last night after getting her request for my references. Must have had some unresolved fears. I dreamed I was working somewhere and was being fired. In the dream, I dreamed that I'd been performing the responsibilities of the job. There were a few "authority figures" insisting that the job had changed and I didn't perform the duties according to those changes. I had no knowledge of those changes but they said I should have performed the job despite not having any training or knowing what the duties were LOL. Oh... my old supervisor was in the dream. She was the only person I recognized. She spoke on my behalf and told the villians lol that I was a very good worker and hoped this could be resolved and I could keep my job. They told her it couldn't and the information was being sent up to the boss lady immediately. I woke up this morning feeling like a bucket of slime had been dumped on me.
I'm much better now and can laugh about it. I emailed my old supervisor (the one in my dream) and told her she might get a call from the Exec. Dir. about me. She emailed me back right away which surprised me. I sent the email to her work email and it's the weekend. She was pleased to keep being my reference and said it sounded like a good job for me. She wanted me to check my calendar and let her know when I'm free for lunch.
Funny thing about this is that the dream is partly true. In my old workplace I had to move to another team (not by choice). When they failed to meet their goals, they used me as a scapegoat for their misery and attacked my work performance. My old supervisor really did go to bat for me and it was resolved. Within a month's time three of those team members were either fired or quit.
So I guess it's good to share with you about all of this so I don't have another weird dream tonight. I probably won't though. I saw the face of the only person who was worthy of trust in that dream and that was my old supervisor. I'm pretty lucky that she keeps wanting to get together for lunch. She has a hectic schedule.
Thanks for letting me share about my crazy dream. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
TT - wow........that's a vivid and realistic dream! Mine never make sense - bits & pieces of unrelated people/things that I can't remember! So glad you shared and sorry you woke up slimy! I agree - perhaps sharing here will keep any dreaming today happy & peaceful.
You've worked your program hard and gone for exactly what you want/need - I got good feelings about your current state of affairs! That's awesome that your previous supervisor still values you beyond the work performance - she's wanting a lunch.....speaks volumes about you as a person beyond the employee IMO.
Take care and sleep well tonight! (((Hugs))) - you know I'm pulling for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks (((Iamhere))) Thanks (((everyone)))) I've been offered the job. She emailed with salary, told me she was offering highest for the position and that I was her first choice for the job. I need more information from her before accepting and will update about my decision. Thank for your encouragement and support. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
(((TT))) - I am so happy to see your update! I know you will do what is best for you....please keep us posted and prayers for the best outcome for you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts iamhere and hotrod. Thanks everyone. I think I've found my job. I felt very comfortable with this woman and was able to speak candidly about my expectations including pay. I have never had an exchange like this one. She actually told me that she hadn't expected to find someone as qualified and will budget a raise for me in the summer. Additionally, she told she wasn't expecting me to stay forever but if I was "willing to be on their journey with them for awhile" she felt that would be great. She said of course I hope you would want to stay but I'm figuring you might not and she laughed. I was able to cover a few creative interests I have in speaking with her and asking if there might be room for those within the organization. Since things are pretty grassroots and evolving she said there would be plenty of opportunities. She said she was smart enough to know I wouldn't be satisfied with just what she's presenting but she needs help with those things yet there's room for more interesting work.
I can come and go pretty freely, make my own schedule as long as I get things done. She let me choose when I would like to start and answered all the questions I had sent to her in email while we had our phone discussion. She addressed my concerns about being the new person and having my back where the work was concerned and any lack of boundaries from others. She discussed the current structure and assured me that my job was clearly as described at the interview and in the ad.
I expressed again my interest in their work and mentioned that I felt I could work well with her. I thanked her for choosing me. She thanked me for accepting and said she would see me in a few weeks.
So... a new adventure begins :)
I'm glad I kept true to myself even as my closed friends and former work associates began to wonder if I was overly picky. Maybe I am but that's progress for somebody who use to sit back and wait to be chosen rather than making a conscious decision about whom I would invite into my life.
I've done the best I can with what I have today. I'm excited to see where hp is guiding me. Thanks for letting me share with you. TT
-- Edited by tiredtonite on Thursday 11th of February 2016 05:39:11 PM
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Yay TT - Now I am doing cart-wheels for you (did them the other day for MissMel's healing)! I am so very excited for you and your new 'career'. I am always hopeful for that term vs. job - esp. when we get to go for what we want & need!
I wish you the absolute best - I know you've worked hard to find a fit that will be a good one and it sure sounds like you have! How cool is it that you also found someone who seems to be a gem to work for and with?
(((Huge Hugs))) - could not be happier for you...this just about made me cry happy tears!!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you (((Mel)))) and (((Iamhere)))) very much. I just about cried happy tears too Iam! It is definitely nice to just enjoy this week before starting work and to no longer have to work search! Yay! TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Exactly TT - relax and renew and then new job!!! So very excited for you!!! Have a great evening and weekend!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
"I'll let your response be final"..Sounds like you're really working your program Tired, as this is hard to to do....just letting go and letting God... I have a good feeling about this.
Hey TT - you and your new job have been on my mind! Have you started yet? I've still got you in my prayers that this is a super great fit and hope it's all that you want/need it to be!!
(((Hugs)))
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
