The material presented
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So for the past month or so I've been down in the dumps feeling sorry for myself for things I don't have in my relationship. It was consuming my thoughts 24/7. Well, I go for my annual pap and assume everything is fine--it's not. Came back mildly abnormal so now I have to go for a colposcopy/biopsy on Dec 14 to see why. I am 45 so of course I worry about cancer as I get older. And it doesn't help that I have been scouring the Internet scaring the crap out of myself thinking I'm being punished for the rotten things I did during my AH's active addiction. I just think it's amazing how HP has a way of doing things so you start worrying about what's really important and what's not. I have definitely lost the ego now.
Roseanne - (((hugs))) for you.....that is so scary - I too have gone through that - twice. The first time resulted in some pre-cancerous cells and the second time it was just abnormal. I've had it also with mammograms - they are doing their very best to find things now vs. later. I am confident you are in good hands. I had a lovely Aunt who had a very difficult life, married to an A who could never, ever get sober. She had 6 kids, they lived paycheck to paycheck and yet - in spite of what she faced, she was wonderfully grounded and always pleasant.
She, for me, coined the phrase, "If you're worrying, you're not praying." I never truly understood this until I was much older and it's so true. I now view that when I am worrying, I am not relying on my HP, but instead am spending time/energy fretting about something that is outside my control.
I offer you prayers for daily peace as you go through each day until you return for the appointment. You can and will get through this, just do your thing and stay in the now.
Positive thoughts headed your way too!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you all for the positive vibes! The nurse even told me how common it was but when it's happening to you it's a whole different ball game.
Iamhere, your aunt sounds like she was very patient and wise. How true is that phrase?! I find myself praying only when I desperately need or want something instead of praying and thanking God for everything good in my life.
She was an awesome gal - truly very matter of fact and wise as you say.....what I like is that it pops into my head when I am worrying and reminds me to pray.....and it made so much sense when that light bulb came on for me. It's another tool I've thrown into my tool box....and love that it's double-sided - reminds me that worry is pointless and reminds me to be looking to God through prayer for comfort at all times!!
Yes - it's scary when it's you......but there isn't anything to do or worry about yet. The not knowing is always what sets me sideways in situations like this. I can usually act/react decently once I know what's going on. It's during the limbo stage that I tend to go sideways in my brain. Hang in there - we're here for ya....
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Well I'm going to throw it in my toolbox too if you don't mind! Yes the not knowing is terrible. And unfortunately that was the first available appointment. Guess they don't feel it's a huge emergency. They said as long as I had the procedure done within a month.
Stay in the moment an din the day Rosanne. HP does not give out punishments for our misdeeds. He loves us unconditionally and forgives. I did have a similar diagnosis at about the same age as did many of my friends . Using alanon tool to walk through the process helped me tremendously- Stay close to program
Thank you Betty I need to remember that! I am trying not to waste anymore time searching the Internet on that subject. I have been an absolute mess for a week. Time to get back to business--enjoying life one day at a time. I keep telling myself: you're here today don't worry about tomorrow. And if it is truly precancerous or cancer they can treat it. It's out of my hands.
I too have had similar results and fears and subsequently searched the internet to find proof of my impending doom!
One way to put it in perspective is, if you had any other kind of test on any other area of your body you're likely to get "abnormal results" requiring retesting. I remember the doctor telling me something like 1 in 3 paps came back abnormal and she'd not seen a case of cancer in her practice yet (she specialised in women's health so she did a lot). I think I've had more abnormal results over a 20 year period than normal and yet there doesn't seem to be anything wrong with me.
That aside, stress is one of the absolute WORST things you can do for your health. So if your health is worrying you at the moment, what can you do that is very good and nourishing for you? Treat yourself to something healthy and wholesome and relaxing like some yoga, or nightly baths or something!!!
And also, some speculate that radiation from your computer or phone is MORE likely to cause cancer cells to grow so, you know, searching web-md might be counter productive LOL.
(((Rosanne)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
MissMeliss I have heard stress can cause so many things from digestive disorders to back pain to abnormal paps and in the last 10 years I've had them all. I am trying my best to stay relaxed and not get worked up over the small stuff. I also think I remember my doctor telling me the exact same thing about not seeing one case of cervical cancer in her practice. I guess I'm just feeling a little like a ticking time bomb lol. But I really appreciate the words of encouragement and knowing I'm not alone.
Oh geez, the punishing hp. Been there too, my guilt can become my higher power and then I have to use STOP and refocus when I'm punishing myself with obsession. Serves no purpose and my loving hp doesnt want me doing that to myself.
I hope everything goes ok for you at your doctors appt. You're doing the next right thing with being checked. Yeah, you really have to watch out for cyber diagnosis - not really reliable. Please update us when you know more. Sending positive thoughts and prayers. (((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Hi everyone, just wanted to give you an update on my biopsy results--it came back normal so the doc just wants me to get another pap in 6 months. When she performed the biopsy I was scared to death holding on to the table for dear life but it didn't hurt at all and she saw nothing abnormal with the colposcopy. I am extremely relieved. Thank you all for being there for me!! Sometimes I think we need these things to happen to put things in perspective a bit.
(((Roseann))) - Woo-hoo - great news! So happy that this is behind you! Happiest of holidays to you and yours!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Been there too, my guilt can become my higher power and then I have to use STOP and refocus when I'm punishing myself with obsession. Serves no purpose and my loving hp doesnt want me doing that to myself.