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Post Info TOPIC: Praying and visualizing serenity


Senior Member

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Praying and visualizing serenity


First of all, happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate Thanksgiving. And, to all of you, I want to express my gratitude for YOU. You are each a shining light, a fellow traveller on this often confusing journey of life, and so many of you selflessly give of your ESH over and over... I am truly grateful for you.

I am heading up to my former house to join my sort-of separated husband and our 2 young sons for dinner. I really, really hoped he would take them to join his family for Thanksgiving, in another state. (While I stayed home to work my new job.) The boys greatly miss their family since we moved away 2 years ago, and I thought it would be so good for them to be with their greater family and others who love them. But, my AH couldn't/didn't make it happen.  Even though some suggested we have separate holidays, I really could not imagine being in the same town, and not being with my sons. My AH is making most of the dinner.  I told him I would like the boys to help me make pies today, but when the time came, he decided they would pick that moment to play football, "like the Kennedys"... and, "Kennedy guys don't bake" so, I baked alone.  Which wasn't all bad, as I moved this week, so I used this quiet time to keep putting things away. 

He and I have been fighting... a lot. Yesterday, he drove by my new house and stopped, and I could see he had been drinking. Later, I caught him inside the place I am moving out of. (I moved out 5 months ago, and am just moving from one place to the next.)  He has verbalized the wish for us to be peaceful this evening, and I want that too, although truthfully, I am feeling such deeply negative emotions toward him. Hate might be too strong a word, but that's what it seems like.  And, we tend to fight a lot in the kitchen -- it's a trigger place.  So... I am trying to center, and going there with the goals of 1) keeping my mouth shut when I am tempted to say somethign snarky, and 2) ignore whatever weird things he says or does (he tends to repeat himself, not listen, offer you things you have already refused, etc...) When I am triggered, I am going to imagine the word SICK on his forehead, and try to feel compassion.

I feel fortunate to have been able to get to an Alanon meeting last night, and to have some good input from my sponsor... who I do not talk to enough!

There, I have stated my intention. I will post later on how I did.  And, if it's not peaceful, I will eat dinner and not linger too long.

I hope your days/evenings are peaceful, and you are being gentle with yourselves, dear friends.

 



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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1661
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Thank you for the best wishes and Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family as well.
Sounds like you have a plan to stay peaceful today and hope all did go well!!!
Glad to hear that you are going to Al-Anon meetings and have a sponsor.  smile



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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



~*Service Worker*~

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Hey oceanpine - great plan and great share!

My hope is your day went better than hoped for. If not, that's OK too as we've got tools we can use to right-size ourselves.

(((Hugs))) to you - prayers for a peaceful holiday with your family!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

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So how did it go?  You sounded well put together with is growth progress which is working the program.  Having a plan and working it is part and parcel of our recovery rather than letting the disease control us.  One Higher Power only...the God of our own personal under standing.  I love the two tools you have mentioned in the title of this post..."praying and visualizing"  My program is very metaphoric...I visualize a lot which for me is a reality form.  I get to see it before it happens.   Hope it went well for you ((((hugs)))) smile



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~*Service Worker*~

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Gratitude back at ya- I'm grateful for you and everyone else here too!
Hope your day was serene if not enjoyable.
(((ocean)))


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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Senior Member

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Checking back in... it did go okay, though I totally lost my serenity at the beginning, due to a very trivial incident. My AH was making the whole dinner except the green beans. I spent a bunch of time with my mom, hunting down and discussing the recipe I wanted to make, a family recipe. Went to the market, dropped them off in advance at his place since I don't yet have a fridge as I am moving. He and I spent a bunch of time texting as I was leaving my place, getting him items he didn't have, etc. I am super scattered, because my belongings are between 3 houses this week... our family home, where a lot of my stuff still is (esp kitchen stuff), the place I am moving out of and the place I am moving in to. Anyhow, even with all the communication, he never asked if he could start the green beans. So I got there, and he had already cooked them, which was not the first step in this case, and hadn't cooked enough of them either, so I had to alter the recipe. It was a stupid and silly thing, but I reacted poorly... I felt like he had taken away the one thing I was doing, and it was one more example of how our communication sucks so often. So I lost my serenity for awhile, and huffed and puffed and couldn't let it go..

To his credit, he responded very calmly. We moved forward, and I did not hear one yucky thing out of his mouth all night. (Usually, he is saying things like YOU left your family, blame, accusation, blame etc. And after I got over the stupid green bean incident, I also was calm and refrained. I did make a point to compliment him today on his very good behavior. And his good meal.

After a nice dinner, we all watched a funny movie together. I could tell that my kids REALLY liked having us all together. They sat close on the couch. I deeply enjoyed that precious moment, and it also made me very very sad that we cannot be a functioning family unit. I am still hopeful, but it is just hope.

I will post about that later - struggling with what to do next.

Thanks for the support!!

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Veteran Member

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Sounds like you had a pretty good day all in all after a rocky start. It's really hard not to feel tense on holidays and have expectations that can turn into the "if onlies." Thank goodness holidays pass and we go back to everyday life. Hope the rest of your weekend is peaceful.  (((hugs))) TT



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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.



~*Service Worker*~

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I agree with Tired...you did have a good day in part maybe and good anyways.  This is how I learned gratitude with the elders and my sponsor...in the progress not the perfection to express gratitude even for the small parts that went well followed by the grateful responses from my heart and head and spirit.  This is how it works when we work it one step at a time; one day at a time.  ((((hugs)))) smile



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