The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I suppose the two go hand in hand. Although with my A boyfriend I have learned not to have expectations because of his older age, his depression and other factors. He has been sober 30 yrs but I get frustrated because he doesn't seem to continue to follow the principles. I have been in Al-Anon f2f for about 4 mos. because of my ex workaholic husband.
Anyway I wasn't going to plan a big Thanksgiving meal. Because of work I am too tired to cook but last year my A boyfriend fixed a few things. Tonight when I was talking to him he is saying he feels too depressed to do anything that he really doesn't want to plan on it. We have been together 1 1/2 yrs. I guess I just thought I could make some difference in his life and I know I have but I would think he would see it as a day I have off that we can be together. I too have depression but mine has been 'controlled' for the most part for several years. I know there is nothing I can do about him and I have accepted that. But it still can be so upsetting and frustrating.
When I left I said I guess I will see you this weekend and he said he would see how he feels Thursday. So I guess I will wait and see. I too can understand some of it because holidays are hard on me but I guess I thought now that we have each other it could be different.
Catlover - Holidays are difficult for everyone, and more so for anybody with illness of any kind, physical, mental or spiritual. We are not going to extended family this year - we just decided that since my AH retired and my sons are 'running amuck' we wanted to stay home and do whatever. I plan to just cook a boneless turkey breast and the fixings. That makes it a bit easier and we prefer the white meat anyways...
Stay in the present and enjoy the time away from work. Try as best you can to take care of you and trust HP to carry you through the day(s). He is fortunate to have you and you deserve to have a peaceful day no matter what he is or is not doing. (((hugs))) for a joyful day and a peaceful break from work!
You are not alone - we're all just a post away!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Well I got a call from my son that he is coming with his girlfriend tomorrow. So I got real busy and went to the store and started cooking. I thought I would call my A boyfriend. I shouldn't have. He didn't answer. Now I just feel like I would rather be by myself tomorrow but I guess not really because I know I would probably be more upset.
I have just been busy and tired from work and missed some f2f meetings and not reading my literature like I should. I will get back with the program and things with me will feel better so I can make it through the holidays no matter what happens.
Catlover, I can relate. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now and I struggle to not take things personal. I was upset that he didn't want to spend the whole night with me after we met for a dinner date today. He is not an alcoholic but he has rheumatoid arthritis and sometimes the disease or the medications and infusions he has to do will affect him negatively and affect his enthusiasm, energy, or overall health. What I neglected to remember was that he was the one who asked me to meet him out for dinner and that he was clear that his doctor's visit exhausted him. So, he obviously wanted to spend some time with me, but I pressed him to spend MORE time with me. He said, "Bon, I won't be very good company tonight. I need to just go home and be alone." Funny, how his honesty hurt me when I took it personal.
The best part about program is that I was able to see how my own reaction wasn't fair to him, even if I didn't express it to him. I had to own what I felt and deal with it and just get busy doing my own thing tonight. So, I cleaned the kitchen and I cleaned out the drain in my son's shower, LOL.
It sounds like you will be busy anyway tomorrow. I'm sorry that your boyfriend won't be there with you, but you never know what the future holds. I can totally relate to what you said in your first post about, 'now that we have each other it could be different'....expectations kill me constantly. I had to let go of those expectations and just things be as they needed to be. Big issue for me but I'm working through it day by day. Hugs and support to you. I do hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving tomorrow!
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
Enjoy the day catlover HP works in mysterious ways.