Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Ever feel like?


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 104
Date:
Ever feel like?


Has anyone ever felt like the only place they will find their serenity is in prison? I have never ever even considered killing my AH...but It was so close today on more than one account....I kept my mouth shut did the good little girl al anon thing...and yet it is so close.....and that is why I am here and not in prison!  The holidays have begun. It is always worse I knew this...Yesterday he opened the door to let the dogs out..nothing unusal we leave it open and close it when they come back in. but we do not fall asleep because we had too much....I was at my mothers house. When I came home he was making himself something to eat...and I said where is Jake...he said I dont know...the other dog thank goodness didnt go anywhere... I asked him 4 times and I only know this because he said "you asked me 4 times ..what part of I dont know do you not get?" So I start searching the back yard as I know if a dog is sick or dying they will sometimes find a hidding place. then i saw the hole under the fence where he had dug out. I was up and out most of the night searching for the dog and then again at dawn it was cold and I was hoping someone gave him shelter for the night. To make a long story short, my Jake was hit and killed by a car. That was not bad enough... We dont bury our pets, we have them cremated. So I had to take him to have this done because he couldnt handle it ....ready to kill #1....... When I got home.. I could tell he couldnt wait for me to get back..said he wanted to stay with the other dog.  and I walked in and up he went ...to get his fix.....ready to kill #2. How far bottom does one have to be to see what they have done...or I should say what the disease is doing to them.....????  I canceled out on going to my f2f meeting this evening...but now he has gone out again for more.....I think I need a meeting tonight! Or you all will be visiting me somewhere else.....Not a good year, I wish I could just curl up in a hole and sleep till Dec 31...

Broken Again!

Debra



-- Edited by Broken513 on Tuesday 24th of November 2015 04:13:39 PM

__________________

Admitting I am broken, means I can be fixed



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 56
Date:

Debra,

So terribly sorry to hear about your dog.  I can not imagine how difficult it must be for you right now.  My prayers are with you and your family.  Be gentle with yourself ... you are grieving and with comes a myriad of emotions, including anger.  Give yourself the freedom to feel them without judging them.

I have found that when I least feeling like attending a meeting, its usually a sign that its precisely when I need one the most.  The one thing I know I will get, regardless the topic of the meeting, and the sharing I hear there, is a gauranteed hour of serenity.  That hour can be a tremendous blessing in an otherwise chaotic and painful time.

All the best,

David



__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 61
Date:

Debra,
I am so sorry to hear about your dog. I can't imagine how upsetting that must be. This disease continues to flabbergast me both in my own house and through the stories that others share. For me it is near impossible sometimes to separate the person (who should have some kind of remorse, or feelings or ownership for their actions) from the disease (the all consuming monster) but I have to find a way. Otherwise I'd be in jail too (or at least emotional prison) We have to fight to understand and accept it, so we can feel sane. I have to keep reminding myself what I am actually dealing with and use the tools to try to keep it from pulling me down too. I think a meeting tonight would be a great idea, why not? It can only help.

((Hugs))

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

(((Debra))) - so very, very sorry about your dog. That just stinks and my heart breaks for you.....I know that my attachment is strong to my fur-baby and I know those who love their pets truly mourn and grieve, so I am sending you prayers and positive thoughts.

I gotta agree with David - it is when I think I am too busy, sad, overloaded, stressed to go to a meeting that I drag my butt there. I have NEVER left a meeting feeling the same or worse, always better. It is through the fellowship I am able to find comfort for all that affects me. Based on your state, I would love to hear back from you that you went to a meeting or at least went for coffee with a program friend or two....

Know that you are in my thoughts girl....and again so sorry for the loss of your dog!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

((Debra))) I am so very sorry to read of the sad loss of your precious dog. I can readily identify with the "Urge" to kill "that you describe and thank HP often that I did not go through with it.
This is a WE program so that Meetings and alanon calls all saved my sanity and his life.aww If at all possible, please check out the on line meeting here tonight It is held in the chat room and will help .



-- Edited by hotrod on Tuesday 24th of November 2015 05:19:09 PM



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1662
Date:

My thoughts are with you and your dog.

(((((( debra)))))))

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 104
Date:

Thanks everyone! I honestly believe if I had not come here 3 months ago, today would have been a worse day all around. Betty I attend the meetings here as often as I can...Tuesday nights are my f2f.. well I am going there first and will be home in time to join the chat meeting here or most of it anyway. Iamhere, I will post back this evening I promise! Dave and coops, thank you your right...just when i dont want to go is when I really need a meeting. Mirandac thank you..hope to see you in MIP room tonight.

love you all

Debra

__________________

Admitting I am broken, means I can be fixed



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:

Oh, I am so sorry.  I have to say that that would be a deal-breaker for me.  It doesn't sound as if your A even really gets why it's a bad thing or that it's his fault.  I knew when my A endangered our toddler's life in a similar way (and similarly, didn't "get" what he had done) that I could never trust him again with someone else's life.  Children or pets, they are utterly irresponsible and careless and life-threatening.  I am so sorry that this happened to you.  I hope you will take very good care of yourself.



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1887
Date:

Just hugs, Debra. I'm sorry you lost your fur-baby.
I understand the rage and I really hope you get to a meeting and be around people who are able to be understanding and supportive.
(((Debra)))



__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 65
Date:

Deb I has a feeling this is what happened when I read the FB post, again I am heartbroken for you.

__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 79
Date:

((Hugs))

__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 83
Date:

Hugs..I am so sorry you hear about your baby. You're doing a great job working your program

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 104
Date:

Thank you everyone? I did go to my f2f this evening, and I did feel better when I left. My heart is still broken and I do know time will help that. I am no longer as angry as I was. before I left for my meeting my AH's words were I am so sorry Debra..this is all my fault, I had to drink, I had to fall asleep.... I kindly kissed him goodbye and said it is no ones fault.

__________________

Admitting I am broken, means I can be fixed



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

I too am so sorry Debra  Positive thoughts and prayers on the way.

 Thanks for the inspiring update  



__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Debra - so glad that you went and glad that you are feeling less angry. (((Prayers))) continue for peace for your heart.....

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.