The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As some time goes by, I'm starting to realize that I'm letting go of some of the anger and resentment. I know that this is good for me because right now it is only hurting me, but it is also scaring me as I experience new feelings. I am realizing that I do miss this addict/alcoholic in some ways. When our relationship was good it was spectacular, but when it was bad it was horrific. Last night I wondered how he was doing. It even crossed my mind to reach out. I am going through that same thing right now. If I told that to any of my friends, they would say I am crazy. They would say that somebody who treated me the way he did does not deserve my time. I also believe that I think...but this is still hard. Reaching out would serve no purpose. He has lied and cheated and ran off with somebody else. What do I think will happen if I did? Those issues will not magically have been erased. Any momentary feelings of missing him and loving him would likely be instantaneously erased when the anger and resentments stir up again. What are my motivations for wanting to reach out? Do I want to punish myself by knowing he's happy when I am not? Or do I want to find out if he feels as lousy as I do? Or my trying to ascertain if there's an actual human being in that person, and not a heartless POS? I think I'm a little bit frustrated that those negative feelings, that I used to protect myself, or raining and I don't want to do anything stupid like love sick fool. Hmm might have to run with that...I love and am sick.
Anyway just thought posting here seemed like a better idea. At least less destructive to myself for now.
Sometimes we answer our own questions, by posing them. You are feeling alot of different feelings because that is what we all do when a relationship comes to an unsatisfactory end. It is very hard to accept. I have always felt that, with just life in general, when we are not comfortable with outcomes, we tend to stew about them. When I stew, it is time for me to focus on why, is it because I will not accept the outcome? Generally it is because I am feeling off the mark and need to accept myself and the situation and move on.
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
Ocean Tide I like how you are processing the letting go process Not reacting to the feelings of "missing him" while examining your motives and being gentle with yourself is a great way to move through the pain.
Acceptance of life on life's terms is the key. Positive thoughts on the way.
I believe you are grieving and grieving is very normal. When relationships end, good or bad, it's different. I know for me different is scary. In my past, I would rather have 'predictable misery' vs. 'unknown uncertainty'. As I've grown in this program and learned that acceptance, whether I like it or not, sets me free for new opportunities, it's a bit easier and less scary.
Posting and processing here is a great idea/plan. I love the slogan of when in doubt, don't....it helps me turn over the person, place or thing to my HP and just for today to pray about it and continue to process. My sponsor is very, very helpful when I am uncertain of my next right thing.
(((Hugs))) to you - it is normal to miss someone who's been a constant in your life, even when the presence isn't always a gift!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Hugs Oceantide..I can't believe a week ago I was feeling..for last of a better word lost..When I felt the urge to reach out I either wrote an email and saved it to drafts or said I'd send a text in 5 minutes and then kept extending the time lol
I believe you can love someone from across the street..its hard to see someone you love act like an idiot when you know deep down they aren't
Hi Oceantide. I had to really work had to "detach" with love from my AH. It was so hard- probably the most difficult thing I have ever done! I thought about "what ifs" all the time. But in the end, it was his choice to live the way he chose to. I had to work on myself and heal. And I did. Hoping the same for you on this difficult and challenging journey you are on. What got me through were my Al-Anon meetings and literature, my sponsor, and most of all, my HP.
