The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for August 29 speaks about our regrets as we review our memories of past mistakes or mimissedjudgments. It points out that in Step Eight we will discover a means to release ourselves from unrelenting guilt.
The reading suggests that the step asks us to make a list of all people we had harmed and become willing to make amends to them.
We can finally put down in words all the memories and the pain that we carry around deep within. When we see them outlined in front of us,they seem manageable and we can get some hope about freeing ourselves from them. Simply by making the list we have taken a huge step in becoming willing to make amends.
The reading continues to stress that we need not take any further action at this time and that we are only concerned with the harm we have thought we had done to others so as to finally be free of the guilt we carry.
Today's reminder suggests that carrying this guilt keeps us from giving myself fully to the present because the guilt is held in the past where we are unconsciously dwelling . We can begin to rid our minds of guilt by admitting where and when we had done wrong to people-- including ourselves.
The quote is from the alanon booklet: As We Understood; "Al-Anon has shown me another way of living, and I like. Life can either be a burden and chore or challenge and a joy. One day at a time. I can meet the challenges of life head on instead of head down".
Step Eight was the first time I really acknowledged the pain that, I caused others as well as myself. First I looked at my responsibilities and my actions and defined what the word "harm" meant.
I did see that by doing for others what they could do for themselves, continually giving advice was one form of harm that destroyed others, self-confidence and self-esteem. Those people went on my list immediately.
I've also noted the person that I did the most to, was myself because I made myself invisible, un important, unworthy and focused on others instead. The biggest amend I needed to make was to myself and I placed myself at the top of the list.
Step Eight, only calls for making the list and becoming willing to make amends. I knew I was willing to make amends and then I went about to . Define the word. I found that amends simply asked that I honestly, own my part in the situation without blaming others, and then I could change my attitude, behavior, and actions so that the behavior did not continue in the future. In other words, learning the lessons of the experiences and moving on. I placed myself at the top of this list of amends and decided the best amend that I could make would be to continue attending Al-Anon meetings and working this program diligently. Then I can move on to considering amends to others as in step nine.
What a fantastic program this is . Although it is not easy It works when I work it and do not convince myself that I am perfect and everything is someone else's fault.
Wonderful explanation for making amends Betty, thank you for such a clarity. I thought when I first tackled this step that I needed to call/visit/write all the people in my life, present/past to say that I was sorry. Seems that as I worked the step I realized that I needed to, like you, put myself at the top of the list.
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
