The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The C2C reading for August 26 speaks in great detail about the negative tool of :"Denial". It points out that denial is one of the chief symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism. Some of us can deny our participation in the problem and either s blame the alcoholic for all our problems thereby we can deny our own responsibilities. We do this because we alone have found that we cannot defeat this disease, so we invent ways to survive the constant crisis, broken promises, and lost hopes.. The one way we learn to cope is by denying the unpleasant reality and pretending that all was well.
In Al-Anon we develop more productive ways in which to cope with alcoholism-- ways that do not require the sacrifice our self-esteem and self-worth.
With the support of other members, with tools and principles that offer directions, we become able to face what is really going on and move beyond survival to living again.
WE must remind ourselves at all times that we have done the best we were able to do so that if our way to cope with a difficult situation was to deny it, and pretend everything was fine--we can forgive ourselves and count our blessings, having come this far.
The quote is from Katherine Mansfield; "Regret is an appalling waste of energy, you can't build on; it's only good for wallowing in".
This is a perfect reading for me today as I am so grateful to Al-Anon for presenting me with healthy tools to live by so that I no longer wallow in regret or self-pity. Today is the 31 anniversary of my husband's death from cancer.
He had maintained sobriety for six years and we were well on our way to restoring our lives. When life took a different unexpected turn. Without program I do believe today is still be wallowing in anger, resentment, self-pity and fear. I would've missed out on so many years of joy and happiness. Thanks HP and Al-Anon.
What a bittersweet post to read hr. It's sad to hear about the loss of your husband, but uplifting to see how you've handled your life with grace and joy despite the hardships. I think that's what your HP and husband both would have wanted for you!
(((Hugs))) to you Betty - I am sure you're doing some remembering today and I'm hopeful that the better memories are the ones that surface!
I was in huge denial for a while. I just kept thinking (ha.ha.ha.) that all my efforts were with 'good intent' so therefore were not damaging/wrong/counter-productive. I was so wrong on so many levels. Coming to Al-Anon, listening with an open mind and looking for the similarities vs. the differences truly helped me understand that I played a part in our dysfunction.
When I began working the steps with my sponsor, and the denial began to subside, I was filled with shame and remorse. She kept reminding me to take stock of my assets, and to trust HP to help me identify and change those character defects that kept me crazy/sick.
I tend to react so much less now. I am able to stop and 'see' the disease speaking/yelling at me vs. my qualifier. Saying a quick prayer of Bless Them, Change Me helps in those moments of tense uncertainty. Because I've changed, those same moments happen much, much less frequently, and I am so grateful for that.
Thanks so much for the ESH and the daily. Positive thoughts sent your way for this anniversary you are experience today. May you have peace in knowing he passed from this earth disease free, and is in a better place.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Betty, thank you for your C2C post today and wishing you a peaceful day today, on this anniversary of your husbands death. It is a gift to be able to look back and see the happy memories and have no regrets, you should be so proud of that accomplishment and is why you are such a loved and trusted advisor on this board. I feel that denial is an attitude, that stunts one's growth and I do not want to miss out on anything new in life.
-- Edited by Debb on Wednesday 26th of August 2015 04:31:26 PM
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"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
