The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
The Courage to Change reading for August 24 speaks about anger and how we react to difficult situations. . It notes that many of us, react in an angry volatile manner our blood pressure doubles and we unleash a torrent of profanity without even thinking.
The reading suggests that we stop reacting and remember that we do not have the right to take out our anger on others. So that if It is our usual response to yell and scream , or sulk in a cold silence. we can look at what do and maybe next time try something else.
The quote is from :"The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage; we can pave the way for calm reasonable communication only if the first find healthy outlets for our own negative.
Ive discovered that by working the steps and examining my motives many of my negative feelings have lifted and that I no longer react but respond in situations.
Before program I would change my sadness and confusion into anger because I did not have the ability to be vulnerable and express my confusion or sadness in any other fashion. Thanks to program and sharing at meetings and with my sponsor, I learned how to own many of my feelings, share about them and ask HP to lift them.
When I angry I usually stop , take a deep breath say the serenity prayer , remind myself that I have a program in which I place principles above personalities, examine my motives and look for my part in the situation, own it and then say what I need without saying it mean.
If I still feel residual anger. and my ANTS are still active (Automatic Negative Thoughts ) I will exercise, repeating a slogan over and over, take a walk, read the C2C or ODA T, go to a meeting or call my sponsor. All of these are grand new tools that I did not have before. Thanks Al-Anon for giving me a sanity I never imagined was possible.
Ha.ha.ha.ha - love the Bug Spray and Ants - great tools!
There are times when the ANTS still want to be my first response - fewer and farther between than before, but they lay in wait for when I am left of center of my program.
I've figured out that if I do program work every day, it's almost preventative work for the potential next episode and/or chaotic scene here. The more I practice living these principals by seeking HP each morning and through the day, the better equipped I am to handle life on life's terms.
Anger and I are just not a good mix. I truly have to pause and pray for peace and patience in my interactions with my qualifiers. I completely relate to reacting with screaming and colorful language - before program.
What a gift that I can do different, and better. What a gift the program tools are for living each day in a graceful way. I do remember the insanity of before and do not wish it back.
Grateful for the program, MIP and my MIP family!!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
Thank you Betty for today's reading. This describes me to the T. I am so grateful I was introduced to this program. I keep that sadness and depression bottled up and then it just suddenly explodes, and then I hate myself afterwards. In the last week I have learned to bite my tongue not realizing how often certain things came out.(my tongue is sore). Of course I slipped a few times, like when I called him and said just thought I would give you a buzz...then went on to say sounds like you got your own buzz going on.....OOOPS...cringed after I said it...repented and continued the conversation...anyway...thank you again
Like Pain, Anger is an Indicator..that something needs to change.
Anger can be constructive in telling me that someone else is stepping on some boundaries that I need to enforce, but even at that point I must choose to act...rather than react.
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IF you can not be a good example; then you will just have to be a horrible warning
I believe that all my feelings are important It is how I respond to these feelings that is crucial to my well being.
Learning to be vulnerable and to say what I mean and mean what I say without being mean helps I also found that going inward and examining my motives helped to reduce my anger at imagined slights or unrealistic expectations.
This is a great reading for me. I have been angry lately and started to yell. I don't usually yell. I have said sorry so many times this past two weeks.
