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Post Info TOPIC: What's the craziest thing your alcoholic person has ever done?


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What's the craziest thing your alcoholic person has ever done?


For example, I once knew an alcoholic who was refused service from the liquor store at a trailer park out in the middle of nowhere. He went home and ruminated on the injustice, then in the dead of night, drunk off his mind, drove his truck straight through the windows of the liquor store in a dual act of revenge/sourcing alcohol any way possible.

I have many stories of increasing insanity. The craziness is a difficult thing to deal with and it is difficult to talk to outsiders about - some of it is difficult to believe or absorb.

Would you like to share any of your crazy stories?

 



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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato


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My alcoholic/addict wife put herself into recovery and the first morning when her counselor came to meet and start and direct her journey found my wife sitting on the edge of her bed with a paper sack over her head.   He asked her what for and she replied, "I know I am alcoholic and that if I don't allow myself to be blindly led thru recovery I will never make it".   My Higher Power used that event to teach me about humility.  I could hardly believe it except it came from the mouth of another Al-Anon member.  She kept the bag over her head constantly for 2 weeks and the last time I saw her she was still sober.   Might you have been expecting a different sort of crazy?   I've got the other kind also but they don't measure up to this one.    (((((hugs))))) wink



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a4l


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More crazy than I could shake a stick at. Yet still I was born to it, married it and pray every day I wont be mother to it. I loved jerry f's share, as it really hits home what an awful affliction alcoholism is. I should add I've also performed crazy, crazy when drunk and crazy when sober and knowingly married to drunk. When drunk I had an excuse and a split personality. When sober I had a face to hide behind: Victim, martyr, sane-by-comparison, secret manipulator. All bloody awful! Lol. Lucky I get one day at a time to practice progress over perfection. Welcome to miracles in progress, nice to see a new voice.

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Hello, hiraeth, I have not had the opportunity to welcome you to the MIP board. I read this morning your post announcing your recent arrival to the board and to the program, and raising inquiries about how the program works.

I have not read all of the responses to your questions, but predictably heard some very good recommendations: seek out the meetings you can both face to face and online, and read often from the AlAnon Family Group publications.

The Daily Readers include Hope for Today, One Day at a Time and Courage to Change, all of which dispense a brief but powerful lesson on thought and behavior that has helped those before us deal with the challenges of alcoholic behaviors in others. To this list, I would mention Paths to Recovery - AlAnon's Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, as it was extremely helpful to me when I first arrived. It works through each of the steps, traditions, and concepts by providing more insight on the program perspective, as well as the experience of other AlAnon members describing how they found strength and hope to overcome their challenges.

The value of immersing myself early on in the pages of the AlAnon books was that I quickly understood the very basic premise of the AlAnon program: turn the focus on myself, and away from the alcoholic. Each page I read helped me recognize that I was not the first person to try to deal with an alcoholic by trying to change their behavior, or whose life became unmanageable because I became obsessed with what the alcoholic had done, was doing, or might yet do.

The daily reader One Day at a Time (ODAT) in AlAnon had some pages that helped me define the purpose of AlAnon and what keeps the program a positive, healthy place for everyone seeking help with this often painful situation.

Page 88 refers to the opening that is read at the beginning of each meeting, and posted on the entry page online. The purpose is for us to come together and share our experience in applying AlAnon tools and principals in our lives, the strength the program has given us, and hope that we have as a result.

Further along in ODAT, p. 127 talks more about the purpose of AlAnon, that of our own improvement. For this reason, the page suggests that we not discuss the things done by the alcoholic, instead focus on how we ourselves are affected by, and are reacting to, the situation. The page further reminds us that focusing on the negative behavior of the alcoholic can rekindle our negative feelings, taking our focus away from growth and the purpose of the program.

I am so grateful for AlAnon for providing me with this perspective and approach to dealing with what had been an extremely painful experience for which I had no answer when relying on my own thinking. The program reminds me every day to keep the focus on ways that I can make healthier choices and keep my mind from recalling and rehearsing the real or potential missteps of the alcoholic.

I am glad you have found the program and are excited with what you have found so far. I hope you find the same experience, strength and hope that I have found by following the guidance and wisdom in the pages, faces, and hearts of AlAnon...

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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



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hit a small pipe when nailing trim around the bathroom causing a small leak-tore the entire bathroom down to the framing-then used the insurance money, can you believe he got that? to buy a dirt bike and we lived w/o this bathroom for years- plus so many more...yet I LUVVVED him lol



-- Edited by glad on Monday 17th of August 2015 11:43:27 PM

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WOW Enigmatic/Paul, THANK YOU!!! Thank you thank you. Magnificent.

Do you all know.... and you might remember this from when you were new..... with a couple of lines of welcome and understanding and well wishes, you soothe the newcomer tremendously. For me it's the first time in my life I've reached out for help and had a kind and understanding response. That by itself makes a big difference.

A couple of these posts cemented it for me, I will definitely do what it takes to understand and work the al-anon program. I felt a bit lost as to where or how to actually start. I had some sense of urgency as I was hurting a lot, conscious that I myself needed to find better solutions, but didn't know how. A part of that can also be ACoA symtpoms - we learned that if help doesn't come quickly, it won't come at all. That's not necessarily true now. Learning really helps.

I'll refer back to this and buy all those books you've mentioned, Paths to Recovery sounds exactly what I'm seeking. The steps, for example, when written down, look stark. They're probably deliberately stripped bare for good psychological reasons. I'd benefit from guidance about how to 'work the steps' and all that, and don't have access to f2f meetings yet. So, thanks again.

 

This board has been a tremendous help to me already.

 

Jerry I really enjoyed your 'crazy story', hahaha! I also love the kindness, humility and humor that comes through your words.

 

a41, sounds like you could write a book of crazy stories! Heck, who amongst us couldn't?

 

Unbelievable glad but yes, I can believe it ;) xxxx haha



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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato


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hiraeth -

Just FYI - to the top of this page, right hand side, there is a link to the Steps. Betty (hotrod - camping this week) is leading a step study right now, and has only posted Step 1 and Step 2. You can click-thru up there, and rejoin that board and work them right along with us or study them instead - whatever your pleasure!

If you look to the top left, you'll see the meeting schedule for online meetings and below or above that, a link that takes you to the meeting/chat room.

F2F meetings are certainly better as you can get some close-by program friends, but if that's not possible or you're not ready - this is a great alternative!

(((hugs))) to you - glad you are here and glad you're joining us!

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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



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hiraeth, thank you so much for the kind words, I am so glad you found meaning in the shares and threads here at MIP. I can tell you that when I first came to AlAnon I had many similar feelings: incredible sense of urgency, disheartened from my attempts to make things work by myself, and no experience reaching out to others for help.

AlAnon members welcomed me warmly and kindly helped me find the resources to answer my initial questions. Many on this board give of themselves tirelessly to welcome new members and point the way to the wisdom of the program found at F2F meetings, pages of the AlAnon Family Group books, and the large catalogue of searchable threads here at MIP. 


So glad you gathered the strength to get here and ask the questions you did, and glad you are reaching out to other wonderful, grateful members and looking forward to carving out your own pathway of discovery. You never have to be alone, there are so many who can relate to what you feel because we, too have been in similar circumstances. Keep coming back smile



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Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



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He hit my car! He came home drunk from work every night that week. My car hadn't moved in a few days and I was out feeding the birds and noticed my bumper had been hit. The pieces were laying on the ground in the snow so I knew it happened right there and not in a parking lot. No one had been here except my son and my husband. I text my son and him a picture of my much beloved car. I love that little sports car! My son said if he would have hit it he would have put out the head light because he was driving a pick up. I had never thought of that. Plus he said if he would have hit it he would have told me. The first thing my husband text me was "where did you go". Right away not wanting to admit he did it. To be honest I wonder if he even knew did it. But I watched him when he got home. He lined his car up close to mine and eyed the height with our cars. They matched. I wanted him to pay out of pocket for what he did. But no, he called the insurance company and they took care of it. It would have cost him about $700 to replace that bumper. Then the other day him and his alcoholic father managed to hit my clothes pole,a 4x4 solid wood pole with the lawn tractor and hit it hard enough to snap it right in half. I was so mad I called them a couple of idiots and walked into the house but not before I told my husband that I knew what he was going to be doing the next day. I'm still not sure who was driving the tractor. Which is brand new and so grateful it wasn't damaged.



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Thanks Iamhere. I took your advice and clicked on the steps board last night and during my lunch break today. I did a brief meditation/prayer thing on Step One during my lunch hour, and a little bit last night in bed.

I went to a lot of AA meetings and rehabs with my parent when I was a child and pre-adolescent, so I have heard the steps spoken quite a few times. Of course I had not paid much attention because those steps were for the alcoholics, not me. Lol. Despite having been exposed to the steps already, reading them recently was like the first time. They are written in kind of a stark way which invites you to sit with the ideas presented and uncover their value and meaning for yourself, as you are today. That seems to be my experience so far (day 2, haha)

Step two seems intrinsically connected with step one for me, with a little tinge of step three as well. They all seem part of the same construct of healing. Not that I'm jumping ahead, I'm focused on step one. But for me, when I deeply embraced the idea of my powerlessness over alcohol, my higher power became very tangible to me. The concept of surrender chases the tail of admitting powerlessness very quickly and naturally.

When I was little and something scary would happen, an overwhelmingly loving force would simultaneously rise from within me and seem to embrace me from all around. It was palpable, and it was so comforting and strengthening. It felt light and bright and serene. It would even 'talk' to me in a way, not with words but with ideas or knowings and also feelings.  It would communicate to me things that now, all these years later, I see reflected here on this board. It showed me that the drinking and violence wasn't my fault, that there was really nothing I had to do to stop it, that my parents were beautiful at their core and were acting like this because they were in a lot of pain, and that at all times I was safe and loved by this presence. It imparted to me that my true identity was NOT wound up in the drunken antics of my family, or even my larger culture. It taught me that I have a self that is individual and that I have choices in life. It was really quite amazing, looking back. An extraordinary blessing in the midst of chaos.

For those reasons I have no problem with believing in a higher power, I experienced it as a kid and I know I didn't make it up. It truly did keep me in somewhat of a bubble of emotional clarity and safety at the time. The experience was so profound that it made me extremely devout, I wanted to be a nun! I was very devotional to 'God' or whatever because I had a direct relationship with it that I hadn't done for myself. I no longer believe in a Christian God and have no actual conscious God construct, it is too indefinable for me and I'm OK with that.

I can even track the exact moment my dis-ease accelerated - it was at 14. I chose a very distinct path - the one of perpetual pain. I remember the night clearly. I was sitting on my bed and had just been badly hit and verbally abused by a parent for the billionth time. I was crying. That loving energy swooped in to comfort me and restore me and I turned on it in anger. I told it to eff off, that I was never listening to it again. I was mad at it for not helping me in practical terms, for not getting me out of there/making them stop. It wasn't helping me on my terms, it was offering me help to manage my inner self, not moving people around like dolls like I desperately wanted it to. It was always, only EVER, making suggestions about ways I could manage my responses and feelings and minimize damage.

I didn't want to keep taking responsibility for myself. I wanted outside help. I was so tired, so hopeless. It felt like the drinking and abuse would never end. I didn't see much point in trying to follow the advice of this HP any longer if nothing was ever going to improve on the outside.

Less than a year later, without the aide of that higher power, I'd attempted suicide twice and came very close to succeeding once. I left home within that same year and moved in with people who were heavy marijuana smokers. It was a very rapid downward spiral for me once I kicked that presence out of my consciousness. Of course, it was still there, but I deliberately turned my attention away from it. My only aim in life at that point was literally to die as soon as possible - that was my conscious, lucid plan. That's how far and how quickly I crashed without HP's influence welcome. Thank heavens I didn't succeed and behind the scenes, HP orchestrated things that at least got me off the suicidal path.

In the years since, I've never been able to say HP doesn't exist, in my heart of hearts. It would have suited my mind a lot better to be an atheist. There are more reasons to be an atheist than there are to believe. But you can't not-believe when you KNOW. I have wanted to get back to that loving presence of sanity, but have been unable to until last night when I began that Step 1. I think, in hindsight, I couldn't welcome in the HP presence and its wisdom to influence my mind, because too many barriers of distorted thinking were in my way. If it had have come in and said 'you're not responsible for the effects of alcoholism', well that message just would not have computed. I would have dismissed it as crazy talk. Al-anon paved the way and it took about a week. Not that I think I've hit the jackpot and now I'm done, but by golly. I've started.

After 15 or so years having ostracized myself from HP, last night, I was able to reconnect! But today at lunch time was when I REALLY felt it, so strongly. I thought to myself - hey, this al-anon stuff really works! All I had had to do to reconnect with my higher power, was sit quietly and think about Step 1, and surrender my life and will to HP for the day.

Surrender is interesting too.

Today's the first time I've tried it. I surrendered and it just felt amazing, even though I did it in a clumsy mind way, but more parts of me meant it than didn't mean it.

Then later noticed I'd taken it back, hahaha! See, I believe (and this is just my belief) that higher power led me to al-anon, was guiding my awarenesses in the lead up to and during the latest disaster with my alcoholic person, and knows where to start my healing. I've asked it to help me and it started helping me. I believe that it works with me whenever I co-operate and guides the process. That same loving energy that helped me when I was little, has been guiding me into deeper understandings about responsibility, looking after myself, forgiveness, victimhood, and deeper implications of step 1. When I think about these things in the presence of my HP, it is SO DIFFERENT than when I think about them by myself. By myself I go round and round and my body is very tense. With HP present in my body and consciousness, it is so peaceful. It's even warmly humorous. It's so kind and it's full of compassion and clarity.

That's all great and I've been enjoying it, but I have quite a few things I want to fix or change about myself. I want to get better at daily practical life. I want to set myself free from the deep heavy latent depression and self sabotage, self destruction. I caught myself today in meditation/prayer, trying to direct my HP!! Hahaha! I was like, yeah that's great but let's steer it over this direction now, I want to focus on THIS. Old habits die hard! When I caught myself doing this I laughed out loud. It's pretty cute, that a part of my mind thinks it knows better than the creator. Really, I think my HP knows exactly where to start, and probably the things it has begun with are the things underpinning my inability to function and thrive.

Thank you Enigmatic. I'm humbled and awestruck about how this is working for me so quickly. Yesterday I was in a very lost and depressed state, and using a couple of the tools really turned it around, even though I wouldn't consider myself a person who really understands al-anon or the tools very well yet. That doesn't seem to matter. All I seem to have to do is keep showing up, keep reading, keep with the process. 

 



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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato


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Awww, Pixie! Never a dull moment xx

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You are young, my son, and, as the years go by, time will change and even reverse many of your present opinions. Refrain therefore awhile from setting yourself up as a judge of the highest matters. Plato


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The crazies can be so embarrassing that I hate to relive them even to tell the story. That guy in the ambulance who fell down drunk in the crowd, that isn't MY husband. That guy who wrecked his motorcycle, he wasn't drinking before he got on the bike. But I think the craziest of all the stories was my story of marking bottles with a sharpie to see how much was gone when I returned home in the evening. The times I went rifling through the recycling garbage in the dark by flashlight to see what bottles were hidden under the garbage. The times I expected (and sadly still sometimes expect) that I can try the same thing over and over and this time get a different result. The times I refused to put down the tug-of-war rope of anger and defense and instead sacrificed my own peace to try to be the winner and get my point across. I have to say that alcohol explained his behavior, and I just had the crazies!! Thank God for Al-Anon and the principles that can lead to serenity and joy.

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Bethany

"Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be."  Abe Lincoln



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No big crazy thing that I can recall, just everyday craziness. At least I expect it now and don't feel like his craziness reflects on me as a person. I used to. One thing that really is crazy that he does often is talk about other people who are "drunks" or "alcoholics" in a very demeaning way - it's like he can't see his own nose on his face! I just look at him and think "wow. How blind can you be?"

BTW, Hireath, so glad you are her :)



-- Edited by Fairlee on Wednesday 19th of August 2015 06:37:26 PM

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Wow, with all the A's in my life there are too many stories. The one that stands out to me however is my Sister 1 (who has since passed away 13 yrs ago).  Another A sister2 who was visiting for a few weeks  had finally talked her into going to AA and even went with her as she is a active member of AA for many many years. After sister2 went home, sister 1 continues to drink=she decides she is going to go to a meeting while intoxicated. When she got there she just sat in the driveway...and changed her mind. As she was pulling out she hit the mailbox and knocked it down. got out of the car and tried to fix the damage. She told me this story about a year later. She never told them it was her that did it. She thought it was funny (Not I) ....If she had told me about it when it had happened I would have been the person that went there with a new mailbox and pole. Im not sure if this is the craziest but it is pretty crazy. 



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Bethany - I can't tell you how many bottles I marked...and then I went a step further and began tasting the contents of bottles even if it seemed like none was missing because I thought maybe he had consumed some and refilled it with another liquid (sometimes I was right.) Or how many times I tore apart his office when he wasn't home, looking for empty bottles and receipts...oy!

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Fairlee, the crazy reversal where suddenly the dear one in recovery is gold-plated but everyone *else* is a falling-down-idiot mentally-warped stinking-drunk out to wreck society...but he is OK because he is a "work in progress" and is still sober after a year......yeah, living that dream still. I just take a deep breath and remember it has a lot to do with fear, old booze-induced paranoia, low self-esteem and broken social skills. But all those are fixable. What I worry about is how much of the behavior is actually permanent wet-brain type damage that will not heal.

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One family story is a legend that is true and sickening and sad all at the same time. My AH chose to reveal it on our first date. I had no common sense and did not run, screaming from the restaurant but rather stood by and watched additional insanity seep into my life as it became enmeshed with his.

AH brother and he worked together in construction. Said brother came to work one day still drunk from the night before. He felt invincible and stated he wanted to feel what crucifixion was like because "it couldn't have been all that bad.". One large 2" nail through the palm of his hand and an Emergency Room visit later = he was committed.

Then I walked down the aisle with AH and lived happily ever after.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Aaaaaaah   Jenny  I could see that in my imagination and feel the urge myself.  This disease makes us critically insane...Oh my.  Hope his Higher Power is still close to him.   ((((hugs)))) disbelief



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Jerry - As I've had the privilege of working this program and hearing everyone's ESH I can say that for the first time I really am having empathy and insight into the true insanity of this illness. It lacks all logic, it warps perception, it delights in self harm and there isn't any "out" but total abstinence and this program.


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