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I have been dealing with alcoholic bf for a year now and his behaviors are getting worse. Monday night he was out drinking at home and drove me mad with his non stop talking about what ever crosses his sick mind. I finally said at 11 pm I am going to bed, I have things to do in morning. He says I am going to bar, I said go then. I did not care as I only wanted peace and quite and sleep. I had a good sleep and woke up at 6 am and he was not home. I thought good now I can have a quite morning. I felt so grateful to wake up to quite, rather then to a drunk. I called him at 8am to see where he was at. He called me back and said he was in hospital. I laughed, as I thought it was joke. He was still drunk. He went onto to say he had been shot. I could not believe it and said I need to come to hospital. I said NO I have a doctor appointment to deal with in an hour and I have to deal with it. He kept calling back and since I did not believe him, he passed me to nurse who confirmed yes he has been shot with a pellet gun in his head, chest, leg and the police were involved. His version was he was at some party and they started shooting at him and he was running for his life and he bled like a stuffed pig and called 911 and was taken to hospital. I said to him maybe this is wake up call for you to sober up. He got angry of course and went about my day and attended to my appointment. I did not go to hospital to rescue him. I had to go to hospital myself at a different hospital to deal with my medical issue and I was there all day. He kept calling me and said I wish I were dead and other non sense stuff. I came home late and he was there and still drunk. He did not know if it were day or night and told him it was 11 pm and he says I am going to bar. I said go. He tried to get me to take him to liquor store and I said NO. Take a cab I told him. He said I only have 20 dollars, I said your problem. He went to the bar and my daughter (21year old daughter with medical issues) came up stairs and we were talking and he came in and said how are you Budda and began freaking out on my daughter and screaming and yelling at her about her religious belief. She got so mad she threw her pop on his face and kicked him and she went downstairs. He freaked out on me and began yelling get that f***g daughter of yours out of my house. This is a Christian house and there is no Budda allowed here. She is not sick and your not either ( I am on medical leave from work), your both lazy. I began screaming at me and yelling and said you and your daughter get the f*** out of my house NOW. Then he said I wish I could punch you through the window and he made a fist. I got angry and scared and went downstairs to be with my daughter. We were so scared, we called 911 and waited for the police as he was walking around upstairs. Police showed up and we talked with them and they talked with him outside and police told us to leave the house if were scared and I said we are and we jumped in my car and left the house. I am now in a hotel room with my daughter and were safe. Not sure what were going to do. I have a sister here and we told her what is happening and we could go there for a few days more. I have a job interview on Tuesday and I will start looking for a place to live. I own half of the house and were not married. I am numb right now and uncertain of what the future looks like. My heart says move 5 hours away from the city here and start new with daughter. Yet, a part of me wants to save the relationship as there is good in him and I have seen that. I am feeling stressed and worried but right now were safe and that is priority number 1. What gave me strength to call the police and leave has been this board. Reading all your messages has given me hope and strength. I am taking things one day at a time now. It feels good to let this out and not hide this secret.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 1st of July 2015 05:05:27 PM
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 3rd of July 2015 02:00:26 PM
So glad you took care of yourself. The chaos and insanity of alcoholism are certainly clear. There may be much good in him, but the bad is threatening and violent. For the good to come out, he would have to be working a program of recovery. It doesn't sound as if that's on his horizon right now, if it ever is. I hope you'll continue to take very good care of yourself and your daughter. A lawyer to handle the real estate matters might be good too. When partners are violent, the time when the other person is leaving is statistically the time they're most likely to be deadly - very much especially if there's substance abuse involved. Please don't meet with him without law enforcement present. A woman from my community did that recently, trusting in his "good" side - but under the influence of alcohol and rage, the good side is powerless, and she died. Please do take good care of yourself.
(((Hugs))) - this disease is so destructive. Keep taking care of you one day at a time (one moment if necessary).
If you keep the focus on you, and embrace this program, you will continue to make good decisions and answers will follow.
Hang in there!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
(((Joker)))) I am so glad that you took the steps you needed to take in order to be safe.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Joker read this post over again as if it was written by someone else and see if you arrive at the same wishes you have here. When I was taught to do this I was also taught to think "If nothing changes...nothing changes". And I then started learning how to change my sick thinking. Its a choice to live in the chaos I learned. How sick was I? rather than how sick was she and when would the magic happen when it suddenly would be just over. Be careful what you wish for. Keep coming back...glad you and your daughter are safe. Good luck on the job. (((((hugs)))))
I'm glad you're safe and that you removed yourself from that situation. You've also modeled good self care and boundaries to your daughter. I hope today you find your serenity.
Hugs Joker. I hope you are somewhere safe and you and your daughter are OK right now.
What you describe was very familiar and I imagine you must be really tired and drained right now.
It is always darkest before the dawn...I've found that to be very true.
(((Joker)))
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
