Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Yay!!! Gross Mess!!!!


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1887
Date:
Yay!!! Gross Mess!!!!


A called me earlier and he was extremely drunk. Full moon and all; he's always really, really bad around this time. And it was a horrible experience; he was so drunk as to be making growling noises etc, the kind of drunk that used to end up in very bad things or me sleeping with kid and pets in the car somewhere to escape. It triggered some bad physical responses in me, shaking, wanting to puke etc so I got out of the call and assured myself that his brother wouldn't be stupid enough to drive him to the train station or anything in this kind of state...surely...so I've been watching videos and generally keeping my mind elsewhere to calm down until 10 minutes ago there was loud banging on my door. It's 10:30pm. My heart sank and I almost puked on the floor; I was so sure it would be him.

Well it was our neighbour; she came to tell me our rubbish bin (which is out for collection) has been knocked over and rubbish strewn all over the road by the family of feral cats that live in our street. I nearly wept with relief. I was almost dancing with joy as I scraped gunk and picked up stinking egg-shells and HP-knows-what-else from the road in the dark. I've never been so happy to clean up a disgusting mess in my life!

Still, it scared me. I don't want to live in fear. GRRR!!!



-- Edited by missmeliss on Wednesday 1st of July 2015 07:49:18 AM

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

I had a chuckle reading this missmeliss as I can relate! That which appears to be absolutely horrible to 'normal' folks is cause for celebration as our 'absolutely horrible' is so, so different than theirs...

I'll take a real mess any day over some of the situations I've found myself in because of the disease.

(((Hugs))) - good job trying to distract from projecting! Our program is such a gift - eh?

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Good Work Ms. M. I know that program gave me the Courage to live life on Life's terms and that although I often felt fear and anxiety, HP gave me the Courage to just show up and act in my own best interest . I am happy to see you doing just that.

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 61
Date:

Missmeliss, your story made me cry. Its like I could feel the anxiety you had, and then when the knock was about a huge, stinky mess, the relief made tears fill my eyes. I guess it means I know exactly what that can feel like. Just like Iamhere said, "our absolutely horrible is so different than theirs" but yet when we find each other, like on this board, we can share with people who get it. Thanks for sharing, so glad it was just egg shells and naughty cats.

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:

 

 

Let me share some (((((hugs))))) with you.  Isn't it so grand at times to find out that the FEAR is really False Evidence Appearing Real?  Yay!!! for sure.   smile



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1887
Date:

Thanks all. It was such a relief but also a very stark reminder of why I cannot entertain thoughts of going back there. He asks can we live together again and I say, maybe one day but how could it possibly be one day when I am so scared I get sick at the sound of his drunk voice? I need to be honest and cut the cord; it's causing me a lot of anxiety. Ugh. Next weeks birthday is worrying at me constantly. We agreed to spend it together. Now I don't want to. He gets paid the day before. He WILL drink. Has experience taught me nothing?


__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Ms. M . It certainly sounds as if this experience has been a stark reminder of the way it was between the two of you. I believe that your powerful awareness and acceptance of your feelings around the situation and the upcoming birthday will provide you with the necessary wisdom and courage to take care of yourself and your birthday.

Remember the three A's awareness, acceptance and action. Pray about the action and trust HP.

Positive thoughts and prayers for you

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 61
Date:

Ugh I know that kind of fear well :( yay for bad cats!

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 5663
Date:

I'm not sure how to respond mel. Part of me wanted to know why keep talking to him when this is such a common thing with him? But then I realized..You love him and he does love you despite being so sick. It is sad. It just sucks that he's so unwell.

__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 76
Date:

I just hope you have a peephole in your door. And a deadbolt. Then, you could just look, and if you see it is him, drunk at your door, you can just be silent and refuse to engage. And luckily, we can turn off our ringer on our phones.

For me, no conversation ever ended on a positive note, when my husband was drunk. The hurtful things that we said to one another escalated and became worse.

I got to the point of going in the bedroom, and closing the door, and refusing to speak to him. He got to the point of knowing better than to open that door to engage me.

He knew when he was drinking, and while he was trying to sneak and get away with it, I knew. I could tell by his attitude. I could tell by the way his face looked different. The muscles in his face seem relaxed looking or something.

Once I saw the "drunk face" I realized that no constructive conversation was going to happen, trying to reason with a drunk has always been a total waste of my time, in our relationship. Not saying other people do not have a different experience, but for me, it was awful.

Take care.

__________________

Carrie

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.