The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have a life long widowed freind that just lost a good husband of 14 yrs I've been staying with her for days off and on helping her then I told her I had to go home she got mad I thought cause she said well you want to go home right now I said jan I've got a home to and business to take care of so she finally hugged me and said she knew we all got a life to but she calls and text everyday wanting me to come out to her house ,I can't I don't know how to deal with such a situation it's bad she has good family but they busy to jobs.i need alot of good esh here Ty lu
I'm sorry for both of you. I have not experienced this, so I don't really have an ESH.
I'm assuming she's afraid and uncertain about her future, which is something that she will have to come to terms with on her own no matter how much you stay there. I would imagine that there is a fine line between providing comfort, and being used (unintentionally) as a distraction.
Are you able or willing to set up a schedule to visit her? Like every Sunday or something so she has that to look forward to and focus on? Or a scheduled daily phone call? I'm thinking that you can't be her cure for fear or loneliness, but you may be able to be a part of her stability if you can maintain your own needs and are willing.
Anyway, it sounds like a "limits and boundaries" focus is where you need to be for you, so stay caring but focused. Hopefully someone here has some wisdom to share. Sending hope.
Suggest bereavement support groups...maybe counseling. It will be challenging to do it in a way where she doesn't feel it's just because you want to get rid of her. But you can find the words and your sincerity will show ideally.
When someone is grieving they usually are afraid of being alone. They are not ready to accept their new chapter in their life and they won't be until they move through all the stages. I agree with PinkChip you will be able to find the words ... I had a friend go through a similar thing I just started to tell her times that I was available.
This is really a tough one lookingup. You're a good friend for being compassionate and helping her in her grief. You do have your own things to attend to and your own needs. I think we are better friends and family members when we don't overlook taking care of ourselves when we need to do so. (((hugs)) TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
You are a great friend looking up Maybe going home and assuring her that you will call her each day will help. Glad you are here
Positive thoughts on the way.
A www thanks for all this great esh,,wat would I do without yall .sure will help me while dealing with her...I'm thinking she is thinking that I have already abandoned her cause I haven't been back out so I will try to find a good day,she is very clingy an don't want me to leave begs me literally to stay the nite makes me feel guilty.i don't feel good right now but she wants me to come to her house so she can take care of me.i know she is still in a daze since she just lost her loved one week ago.
