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Post Info TOPIC: I live with a roomate


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 290
Date:
I live with a roomate


I have been reading a lot on the board and its helping me focus on me only. I feel alone a lot of times as my alcoholic BF is not present. He is either working, sleeping or drunk on his day off. He works 6 days a week night shift and on the one day off he has he is drunk out of his mind. He will start drinking at 6 am when he gets home (night off work) and go all day and night non-stop till the early morning of the next day. Then he passes out and sleeps all day and if he is still drunk, he calls into work sick for the night and goes back to sleep. I feel so alone and wonder why am I still remaining in this dead relationship? I am afraid to go anywhere in public with him as he is drunk and talks non stop to anyone that will listen to his drunken garbage. Its so embarrassing taking him anywhere in public,as I am sober and he is drunk. He has hopes of becoming a preacher and talks non stop about god and prays over people while drunk. It makes me so angry and ashamed that he would do this in public. I just walk away when he does this. He goes to the nearest pub and does this in public as well. People he drinks with call him the preacher. As well, he talks non stop when drunk. You can not shut him up. Its one thought after another for hours and hours. He even talks to himself if he is at home and I just leave the room. Its sick, sick, sick. When he is sober, he is quite and does not say a lot. Its like dealing with two different people. I never know what will come out of his drunkin mouth. He will also criticize me calling me lazy, your not sick (I am off work due to medical issues), and complain about how filthy the house is and I am at home. He says I work 12 hour days 6 days a week and I have to come home to a fucking mess, I have to do my own laundry and on and on he will go. I leave the room and go into the spare room and he will follow me, trying to get me angry. There has been times, I swore at him and threatened to get a restraining order against him and call the police. He of course remembers what I said even though drunk and reminds me of this often, so your going to get a restraining order against me? Last Saturday I left at noon and went to a event happening in the city. He started drinking at 6 am when he returned home from work. I was gone all day and spent time with friends. I had a great time and felt so good. Of course the BF was to drunk by noon to participate in the sober event. I called home and a woman answered the phone. I was not expecting that and when I called back as I thought I dialed the wrong number the phone was disconnected. I returned home late in evening and he was pass out on couch and there was another case of beer on the love chair couch. There was beer cans everywhere and outside as well. I just left him on the couch and the beer cans where he left them. The next day he denied that a woman was in the house but I found evidence outside that someone was sitting very close to him. Saw two chairs facing each other and beer on table. After confronting him he admitted that he met a woman at pub and brought her home so he can have someone to talk with. He says you know me when I drink I love to talk. I did not clean the empty beer cans. He cleaned it himself.  He went to work Sunday night and has been at work all week. I fear that this coming Saturday morning he will be back to drinking at 6 am again and will remain drunk all day and night. I have been thinking of a plan B and what I can do. I know I can not be around him when he is drinking as his non stop talking and preaching about god drives me nuts. I have been thinking I may go camping alone and leave him at home. I can not take him camping with me as I will be embarrassed by his drunk behavior and I will get stressed out. I also will not be able to relax as he will keep me up all night with his non stop talking and crying and having self pity parties. As well he keeps in contact with a ex-gf and talks to her when he is drinking. I just have no trust left with him and I do not believe anything he says anymore. I have talked to him by text about my concerns with his drinking, how I get embarrassed and how I can not take him anywhere when he drinks. I feel I am living alone and have to constantly think about plan B as I do not trust him to behave sociably. He admits he is an alcoholic as he was sober for 13 years prior. He has also talked to me about getting married but I just say organize it then. Of course that will never happen. I avoid the marriage subject as much as I can. He keeps saying god told him he needs to marry me right away. I do not buy that garbage. He is not ready to change his behaviors and everything he says is just talk and talk. I see no action behind his words. I have thought about moving out but not certain where to go. I have emergency funds saved up and can afford to move but I have terrible credit. I keep thinking when the time is right I will know and just pray that god will help me with what to do next to get out of his insanity of a relationship. I feel so numb toward him lately and have given all hope of a future with him as I know he is not ready to commit to sobriety and a relationship. I feel I am living with a roommate and have been thinking in those terms. I just keep thinking, if its god's will things will work out and if it does not, that is ok too. I just feel so alone and I have none to do things with as he is not available period. I have given up making plans with him for his days off as i know he will be drunk. He is taking 6 days off next week and I know what the days off will be. He will be drunk for the days off. I have to come up with something to do so I can stay out of the house as I can not tolerate his insanity. If he meets a woman at the pub, that is the way it goes and I have to consider what I will do. I do expect that to happen. I am trying not to project into the future but I know the pattern. We have been together for a year now and I do not see a future with him. He text me the other night and said we need to reconnect. You mean have sex? To me that is all it is now. I have lost all respect and hope and I so want to move on. I have thoughts that say if I meet someone else I will just have to move on and regarding the house we live in, not sure what to do about that. He put me on title and now I own half of the house. I have seen some changes in him. He has been at his current job for 7 months now. Before he could not maintain a job for more than a month due to his drinking and he is drinking only on his day off, rather than every 3 days like before. I know I can not change him but I feel angry. I feel this relationship is one sided and its all about me kissing his ass and showing him love. I do not feel its being returned and I do not expect it will as he is broken. I can see why he has been married 3 times in the past. The woman of course all left. He is a train wreck and does not care. I am trying to not think of him as the love of my life as I had though at the start of our relationship.  I just feel so numb now and do not care about him anymore. Maybe love has run its course for me. I just know I have to keep the focus on me and continue to read and read this board and making decisions that are in my best interest and not involve him in my plans. I had to get his out. Thanks for listening.         



__________________


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 73
Date:

Hi joker,

It sounds like you have been through a _lot_ in that relationship.
I'm sorry to hear it has been so trying... my heart bleeds a bit as
I read about some of the verbal abuse you've suffered through.
Nobody deserves that.

Are you able to attend f2f Al-Anon meetings? I think that could
help a lot with defining and managing personal boundaries in
your relationship. This could be very beneficial for your
psychological well-being.

Thanks for sharing! Please feel free to share anytime.
Mark


__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 1558
Date:

(((JOKER)))

Welcome to Our Family... You Sure Fit in Perfect here as we all have that Alcoholic that has Yanked our Rug on more times then Not...

I have to agree with Mark17... Check you local area and see if there is any Face to Face meetings in your Area so you can have a Back up of Local Support, it can always be Your PLAN B :) Hit a Meeting and Slowly start getting your Serenity back... Because you Truly Deserve to be happy...

When I Got Here I Didn't Know what My Happiness was because I was So Entangled up in my AH, AF, AB, and A's All Together... This Board and the People here was and Are a Huge Blessing in my Recovery, and My Sanity, but I'm So Grateful they all Encouraged me to go to a F2F Meeting... My Area is Pretty Small and we only have (3) Al-Anon meetings a Week and I Attend at least 2 of the 3 :) What a Difference it has Made in My Life, So YES... KEEP COMING BACK HERE, and See what's available to your locally... You are WORTH IT :)

Thanks for your Share... There are So Many that Can Relate, and Feel They are Not Alone Because of it :)

Friends In Recovery...

Jozie

__________________

Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Joker -

Welcome to MIP - so glad you are here. So sorry also for your pain and confusion...

You are not alone and we are all here as this disease has taken so much from us. I too would suggest F2F meetings. If by chance you have issues getting to one in your town/area, there are 2 per day here on MIP - check the top left for the schedule and a link to the meeting/chat room.

Try to take it easy as best you can and keep reading here to learn as much as you can. Ask any questions, and folks here will help.

I too came to Al-Anon broken. The program has taught me how to be me and enjoy life in spite of what is going on around me.

(((Hugs))) to you - very glad you are here!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 

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