The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
As I have progressed in my recovery one of the things that I began to lament was how many of the things I enjoyed doing, or people I enjoyed seeing, I left behind as my AW's disease spiraled out of control. I used to play golf every weekend, and discovered I had played maybe 2-3 rounds total in the past 3 years. I was a youth football coach who gave it up 3 years ago, despite it being an absolute joy to do. There are so many friends I have discovered I have not talked to or lost contact with in the last 5 years.
The really cool thing is though, that through my recovery, and learning to place my focus on me, I can begin to resume these activities, reconnect with old friends, or pursue new hobbies and interests. It's empowering. I bought a bike and am now riding as much as I can in my spare time. I had not ridden a bike since I was 16 or 17. I have plans to play golf next week. I called two people last week I haven't spoken to in years (One to set up a round of golf with). I am attending my first class re-union since I graduated 29 years ago next month.
One of the things I was shocked to discover a couple weeks ago was that I had not played a single song, or bought any new music for my IPod or IPhone since November of 2012. I used to listen to music all the time ... and for some reason, I just sort of stopped when the rest of my life seemed to stop. I have been trying to make up for lost time since, and have been diving back into my collection and listening as much as I can since making that startling discovery. Last night I was on a bike ride and a song came on that I hadn't heard in long long time. It really hit me, as it's a song about Alcoholism sung from the perspective of the affected loved one or close friend. Not sure if it's appropriate to post the lyrics, but I am moved to do so because this song captures some feelings and ideas I think many of us may be able to relate to.
WON'T STOP - by Bob Seger (Album: Face the Promise(2005))
You can cry if you want to, you can rage at the night You can blame all your wounds on the world if you like You can drink from the bottle no ice and no glass You can lie in the mornin' and say it's your last But you won't stop there, no you won't stop there You can tell yourself different but you won't stop there
You can study the ancients, you can learn every fact You can follow the cycles that leave and come back How everything changes, it's been ever thus One day you're a comet, and the next day you're dust But you won't stop there, no you won't stop there There's always the future and you won't stop there
Tyrants and kings do their usual things And you try to stay out of their way Follow the truth and you'll find what you need every day
There's always tomorrow, always a chance You can stand in the spotlight and not have to dance You can find something solid, stronger than steel And it might touch your heart 'cause it just might be real But you won't stop there, no you won't stop there It's not in your nature and you won't stop there No you won't stop there, no you won't stop there There's always tomorrow so you won't stop there.
Certainly not an uplifting song ... it's down right depressing and hopeless in some ways ... except for the stanza in the middle where (I think) he changes the subject of his song from the Alcoholic to the Affected Person who is lamenting watching them suffer the disease, and feeling the effects of their erratic behavior. "Tyrants and kings do their usual things, And you try to stay out of their way. Follow the truth and you'll find what you need every day'. I know when I (re)heard it yesterday that stanza had a very AlAnon feel to me, as if to say 'This is what Alcoholics do ... detach and move ... if you remain honest and seek truth (through my HP perhaps?) you'll be ok, even if the Alcoholic won't stop'. I also love how subtly he uses the term 'Won't Stop' ... from talking about how the alcoholic can't stop drinking during a binge ... to how they can't stop drinking day to day even after feeling like 'dust' the day after a bender, etc.
Huge kudos to you for working your program and working on you! How lovely to see you embrace things you enjoy and return to them. I remember when I began to do activities that had fallen away, it was a bit frightening at first, but then kind of like Christmas...
I am a huge music person also. I have listened to mostly Rock my entire life, and sang in choir at Church as a youngster. I had sad songs, mad songs, love songs and party songs....and for me, as my recovery continued, I decided I needed to change things up. Believe it or not, I've become a Christian music person now and it certainly has helped me become more spiritual and more positive.
I can't explain why my brain classified all my life-long tunes into various categories, but it did. So, I kind of decided I needed a fresh start and started listening to Christian after I meditated each day. Then I decided I could listen while I walked the dog/ran and next thing you know - it's in my car too....
Huge hugs to you for the wonderful progress you're making. I don't know if I've ever heard the song but the lyrics are telling. Thanks for your share and for the lyrics.
Keep working it - you are wearing it well!
__________________
Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
I can very much identify. I lost myself and my passions while I tried to control the As and their drinking. I am enjoying thr new found focus on myself. Although I'm not that old, I started a bucket list of fun /daring things I'm doing to get out of the isolation and into joy. It feels good!
I definitely lost touch with a lot of friends and family. Something I've
been trying to do in this post-divorce period is reach out and reconnect
with people. It's a little tough because I feel the need to apologize but
I know I haven't done anything wrong. I think it's the nature of
addiction to suffocate all involved and make them turn inwards.
Interesting to me too, this process reminds me of Step 8: making amends.
I understand that amends is more than just apology, though.
Of the people I have reached out to so far, nobody has blamed me thus
far for losing touch. They have all expressed feeling terrible for my
situation and all I've been through. The challenge for me, I think, will
be to fully reintegrate these people into my life and to restore/improve
my social network to/from what it was before.
Your Doing Great :) and What an Inspiration you are...
I know exactly how that feels to Loose yourself in your A's Addictions, and since I have Slowly started getting me back, I too Now Enjoy many things I Didn't at one time or another feel Worthy of... This Program is AMAZING at how it can Change our Thinking and Really and Truly Change Our Lives if We Show up everyday READY & WILLING To Get our Lives Back :) So GOOD FOR YOU
