Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: First post, feeling hopeless


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:
First post, feeling hopeless


Hi everyone. I'm not even sure where to begin. My twin sister is an alcoholic. I don't even remember a time when she wasn't some kind of addict, not since middle school. We are 34 years old now. She got pregnant at 18, and through her 20's her drinking got progressively worse. She lost everything, all of her belongings went to storage when she lost her apartment and she later lost that to auction cause she didn't pay the rent. Her and her son were living with my husband and I when she said she wanted to get sober. That was 5 years ago. Since then she has been in jail, in and out of treatment programs and through some really bad relapses. During one of her longest relapses, she was staying with her abusive ex-boyfriend and one night he beat her so bad someone called the cops when they saw her walking down the street. From there she got help again, and she managed to stay clean living in a treatment program for a year and a half. At this point, my husband and I had moved out of state due to a job offer we couldn't refuse that was close to my older sister and her husband. We thought the best thing for my nephew would be to get him away from everything that was going on so he could live a stable life (he is doing GREAT btw). When she graduated from the program, she moved down here to be with us and her son. We opened our arms to her, and my sister let her move in with them. We got her a job and a car. Things were going ok, but somewhere along the line she picked up a drink again and hasn't stopped. She has been here about 10 months now. She ended up in a mental facility at one point after being involuntarily committed, and my sister told her she wouldn't be able to come back home, for my nephew's sake. When she got out of there she moved into a sober house and seemed to be doing good for a month or so, then the signs started creeping back in and we knew she was drinking again. She lost her job, she doesn't have a car anymore and she was kicked out of the sober house. Last I heard she was staying with some boyfriend until this morning my mother got a text from one of the girls at the sober house asking if my mom knew that my sister was sleeping on the streets in downtown Charlotte. That sent me right over the edge and I just lost it. I'm just devastated. I don't know what to do. She would rather be homeless than stop drinking. And I have to let her. I can't NOT let her, that's for sure... but I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know how I'm going to live every day not knowing if she's dead or alive or in jail.... and my poor mother, my heart is just breaking for her. I don't know what to do, or how I'm going to get through this no



__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Hi Jesse, welcome to MIP. I'm glad that you found our site and had the courage to share your concerns. I can readily identify with the experiences of which you speak and understand too well the ravages of the disease of alcoholism.

 

 Alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, dreadful disease, over which we are powerless. It is evident that you and your family have tried valiantly to encourage and help your sibling. Now I would like to suggest that you reach out to Al-Anon face-to-face meetings so as to find some help and understanding,and   compassion for yourselves.

AA is a recovery program for alcoholic who drinks, and Al-Anon is the recovery program for family members who have tried desperately to deal with the insanity of the disease.

Face-to-face meetings are held in most communities and the hotline number is listed in the telephone directory. It is here I learned to keep the focus on myself, act in my own best interest, mind my own business, keep an open mind and live one day at a time, responding and not reacting to life.

The compassion, empathy and understanding that I received from Al-Anon meetings helped me to break the isolation that I was living in an open the door to a better life filled with compassion and new constructive tools to live by.
 
Please keep coming back here and sharing you are not alone


__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:

Thank you very much Betty. I've already looked up meetings in my area and plan to start attending regularly again. I used to go every week, but then she was doing so good I stopped, but I definitely think it would benefit all three of us, me, my mom and my older sister, just to be around people who understand and who have been through this before. Today is just a really bad day, I'm having a really hard time keeping it together. I'm at work and even my boss knew something was up... she just asked me if something was wrong and I burst into tears. SO embarrassed :(

__________________


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

I do understand you are not alone. We have a chat room open 24/7. You could visit there or just stay here and read some posts That often helps

__________________
Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3968
Date:

Al-anon meetings, finding my sponsor and MIP have saved my sanity when dealing with this horrendous disease. The book "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews helped give me perspective as well. I am so glad your nephew has you! Keep coming back and get yourself to face to face meetings in your local area, you will find so much support and people you can relate to. Sending you love and support on your journey!

__________________

Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

"Serenity is when your body and mind are in the same place."



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 963
Date:

There is no way to express fully the pain and feelings of helplessness that arise when alcohol has stricken a loved one. That is one struggle we get to let go of when among Alanon members, for we share a common experience. We have been that person's friend, sister, brother, husband, wife, child...

So glad you are reaching out to Alanon, for there is no other place that offers the resources so desperately needed: Love, understanding, acceptance, healthy perspective, strength, hope, and ultimately, serenity. Consistent contact with the program bestows a glimpse of light in a sea of darkness upon those seeking...often just what we need to get through the day.

Contemplation of the thoughts presented in the daily readers (Courage to Change, Hope for Today, One Day at a Time) bring a bit of peace for many of us as we struggle with feelings of fear, sadness, helplessness and anger. Whatever way you are able to make contact with the program, whatever way you choose to, know there is hope, that we hold you in our thoughts, and we hope you keep coming back...

__________________

Paul

"...when we try to control others, we lose the ability to manage our own lives."  - Paths to Recovery 



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 11569
Date:

Jessie -

Welcome to MIP and so glad you posted.

The best part about MIP and Alanon is finding out that you are not alone and others can and will help you get through to the other side.

I am the 'mother' in your story. Both of my sons are addicts, one is still active. He's been to jail, prison, homeless, in shelters and still doesn't 'see there is an issue'...

It is very, very hard to accept but Alanon has shown me how to live and have peace in spite of what is going on around me.

As Betty states, this disease is progressive and we can't control it or cure it. We also didn't cause it and can't affect any changes for the ill person. In order for me to find peace, I had to embrace Alanon, get a sponsor and work this program. People in Alanon have taught me how to detach with love and set boundaries that are realistic and appropriate and keep me sane/safe.

Again, so glad you are here - there are meetings here twice daily - see top left for the meeting schedule.

Make it a great day!

__________________

Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging.  Pause before assuming.  Pause before accusing.  Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret.  ~~~~  Lori Deschene

 

 



Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:

Thank you all so much for the kind words. She apparently talked to my aunt for a good while on the phone yesterday, and my aunt said she definitely sounded sober. She's at a friends mothers house, and she's safe, saying she is supposed to get into another sober house on Monday or Tuesday. How she's going to do that without a job is beyond me... but I was able to sleep last night just knowing she is ok.
She's supposed to be coming by my office today to pick up her last pay check, she worked for one of the tenants in the building with my mother. While she worked here, her boss let her use her car. When she was fired and had to give the car back, there was damage to it and her boss wants to take the money to fix it out of her last pay check. Her boss tells me she is putting up a fight about that. Hopefully there won't be too much drama when she comes by. Frankly I hope I don't even see her while she's here. I'm still too angry and I know I would do more harm than good talking to her right now. But I am very grateful that she has reached out to someone. I warned my aunt to be careful, that my sister can be very manipulative and she's very good at making people feel bad for her. I told her not to give her anything, and she said she had no intentions of giving her anything but love.
I worry about my mom. She's a recovering alcoholic and this is killing her. She's very familiar with AA, we all are (I grew up going to meetings from a very young age), but she has never been to an Al-Anon meeting and I really think it will help her. She is really dwelling on the negative, she feels like she's losing her daughter forever, and that she's going to end up in jail or dead and she is getting really depressed. I really think that a new perspective, and learning to focus on helping herself will be good for her. My mom, my sister and I are going to check out a local meeting on Tuesday nights. I'm looking forward to it.
Just hoping today is quiet, I don't think I could take anymore drama or bad news right now.

__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 339
Date:

Jessie226,

Hoping you have a peaceful day too. Keeping you and your sister in my thoughts and prayers.

__________________


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 5
Date:

Thanks Jazzie :)


__________________
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.