The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It is interesting to note that both the Courage to Change and the ODAT readings for today, May 27, discusses losing hope, shutting down all our feelings out of fear of disappointment, and deciding that caring, hoping waiting are risky and avoiding disappointment is the way to go.
We can pull ourselves out of this deep despair by raising our thoughts in prayer and seeking God's help. This spiritual help is always there, and when we reach out, in prayer, we are enabled to get a different perspective on issues.
Accepting the fact that nobody is happy all the time and that all of us are capable of feeling good, it is important that we allow ourselves to experience every bit of joy life has to offer.
If we realize that whatever may happen today we can think of is a challenge which we are able to meet. If it is good, I will deal, being grateful for it and if it is not so good, I can accept it using Al-Anon tools , meetings, phone calls, slogans knowing it will pass if I do not let it overwhelm me. We are asked to make sure that the good not make us complacent nor allow the not good to drown me in despair.
The quote is;'Things cannot always go as you want them to. Accept disappointment quietly, cultivate the gift of silence when speaking may aggravate the difficulty.
I can readily identify with these readings. I know how to turn off my feelings, walk through life, numb and without dreams but that, as the reading suggests is no way to live. Using the tools of the program hopelessness can be lifted and dreams realized.
I know after my son's passing, I could not imagine a life at all.
Attending meetings, using these tools, placing principles above personalities, praying, then hope, joy, courage, were all restored within me without my even knowing it. My sponsor would tell me that prayer was a wonderful "bug spray" for my ANTS-- Automatic Negative Thoughts. She was right. Today, life is good and I appreciate each and every day, even while remembering the sweet wonderful memories of my son.
In a nutshell, that's how to live. I am looking forward to experiencing every bit of joy life offers. What a great reason to look forward to today.
Thank you, Betty.
When I read the C2C reading this morning, it really hit me in the gut. Then, I didn't want to respond to it honestly because my wife and I are still doing the readings together. Some days it is helpful. Today, it was not.
I can really identify with your reaction to your son's passing. When my first partner passed, I went on autopilot. She and I had discussed plans for the future, and I just followed them for lack of a better idea about what to do with myself. (Go to grad school, visit my partner's family during semester breaks. That is all.) And, I did that for years before I was ready to rejoin the world of the living.
Several years later, I found myself in the same robot mode: go to a job I hate, work 10-12 hour shifts, drive home, let the dogs out, go to the bar, try to collect my wife, go home, repeat. I thought that being with an active alcoholic was better than being alone, and I buffered myself from all feelings and emotions, all hopes and dreams, just so I couldn't be hurt or disappointed anymore. I almost didn't finish my degree because I had so insulated myself from any disappointment. I don't know what happened a year ago that made me decide that I deserved more. That is when I went after my dream job, met up with my adviser, talked to my dad, and put together a plan that would have me completing my degree this spring. I have had lots of speed bumps along the way, but I am thankful that the biggest one got me through the AlAnon door, and I am thankful to be standing here today, daring to hope and dream and go after my goals again.
__________________
Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
