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Post Info TOPIC: Could this be


Newbie

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Could this be


I left this forum for a few weeks....right when things were getting crazy and AH was falling back into his old ways after 90 days of outpatient rehab.  Well, about a week and a half ago, something happened....he went on a golfing trip with his buddies, got wasted of course.  But the next day, something changed. He was crying the whole way home, telling me that he can't do this anymore--that he is finally ready to admit he is an alcoholic and that he can never drink again.  He begged my forgiveness--he got home and cried and cried.  He said that he realized on this trip that he truly has lost control--that one day he was just so depressed and he knew that the only way to feel better was to have a drink and at that moment, he knew he was an alcoholic. 

So, the day after he got home, he was at an AA meeting first thing in the morning (his first time).  He has gone to a meeting every day since.  He has stopped drinking, of course.  But he isn't the "dry drunk" this time---angry and feeling sorry for himself.   He is positive and hopeful and spiritual.  He has never had much faith in anything in his life, until now.   He is saying and doing things he has never done before--taking ownership for who he is, accepting he is an alcoholic, accepting he can never drink again.  He has reached out to a man in town he knows has gone through AA--they are talking almost daily.

I barely know what to do with my self.  I have never believed him when he said "this time was different" or "things will change" as nothing has ever seemed different---but this time, I really do.  I am cautiously hopeful.  And excited but guarded.  Can it really happen this way?  Can things really just change?  I know it will be hard and I know there is a long road ahead....but I'm feeling something I haven't felt in forever. 



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Senior Member

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Hi Butterfly and welcome!  From my experience, this is exactly the way it needs to happen for a person to have success in recovery.  They have to hit bottom- emotionally, physically and spiritually.  It's through this pain that we surrender and admit to ourselves that we are powerless over Alcoholic and can't drink in safety.  Recovery starts at this point.  When folks have a reservation(I did), sobriety is short lived.  That's why Step 1 is soooo important.  Each Step builds off it.

What do you do with all this?  One Day At A Time- you continue to care for YOU and have faith that God's has your AH covered, however it may turn out.  Continue to watch the ACTIONS of your AH and not just the words being used.  This may be the turning point or it may not, but in either case it's out of your control.  You're an observer and supporter at this point.



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Member

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Posts: 19
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I don't want to instill negativity into your situation, but I caution you to not get your hopes too high.  My wife does this exact same thing every Saturday.  She gets completely wasted Monday-Friday.  On Saturday, she spends the day recovering from her weekly poisoning and begins to say how she can't keep drinking like this, how it's tearing her body apart, how it's tearing our family apart etc.  The next stage consists of her saying she wants to go to rehab, she wants to do 90 meetings in 90 days.  I hear all the things you're hearing on a weekly basis.  Then, sure enough, Monday comes and she's back to her 3-4 bottle a day poisoning.

As Mike B said, pay attention to the ACTIONS rather than the words.  I sincerely hope my situation isn't your case.



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~*Service Worker*~

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HI Butterfly, Now is a good time to work on yourself, and give your expectations over to HP. As noted above, he could go back to the bottle anytime. Or maybe he won't. The one thing for sure is that you don't have any control over it, and he doesn't have much control over it. but it does sound like he is leaning heavily on AA and HP this time, and that is a good sign. This is what happened with my wife, and she is now sober > 1.5 years.

But working on yourself will help you to not count those days that he is sober, plus help you adjust to the new realities. When my wife had success, recovery became her #1 priority, and with it analyzing triggers and getting rid of them. We had a lot of adjusting to do in our marriage, and still do to this day. I had my part in it, and I have had to work hard to change some of my behaviors, I'm still working, will every day.

Kenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 687
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I think it's great! As you know Al anon can help you take care of you and his higher power will take care of him, thankfully you can be ok with whatever happens! The fact that he is attending AA and seeking help is so much more than most people in alanon and AA get to experience. Seems like the disease keeps most people from ever really making a sincere effort so please do not take anything negative from my saying- take care of you! ( but I think it is more than fine to be happy about it). 



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