The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I just read this in a book I borrowed - interesting thought, and true. I had so much anger, not sure about hatred, but anger definitely. Guy was in prison, wrongly convicted of something he didn't commit and the anger and hatred only left HIM broken, only hurt HIM. The conscious decision to let my anger go released ME to find peace; even though HE deserved my anger, I deserved peace more.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
I agree. My anger was quite powerful at the beginning of recovery but it was upsetting me as i felt pretty good with most other aspects of my life. I needed toexpress it though and then let it go. I think when i learned how to forgive and have compassion and when i understood the disease then anger doesnt come in much at all.
I believe anger is needed to grieve your losses and process what has been done to you especially if you were victimized. It feels good to me to feel healthy anger. Anger is a big part of recovery feel the feelings and emotions and letting them go. Stuffing feelings and thoughts are soul killers. I did that for years.
I have met some women in my divorce care group who are not angry I said you are not healing then. How can you not get angry when someone betrayed you or hurt you deeply. Just accept it and move on. No way they are not digging deep inside or are living in denial. That's my take anyways. I was never an angry person I can now get very angry at my Ah. That is not in my nature but what he has done
and has been doing is so outside of acceptable and decent.
I do have to deal with divorce rage which is a very bad emotion. Very
uncomfortable and hurtful. That to me is when you need forgiveness
for yourself first and then them. I handed my ah over to the care of
God after I forgave him. It is Gods job not mine to deal with him.
It is an ongoing battle with the rage then I need to forgive again
or I eventually work thru it with my alanon tools. Rage is scary to
deal with and look at honestly.
-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 19th of April 2015 08:52:45 AM
-- Edited by Mirandac on Sunday 19th of April 2015 08:58:43 AM
LMH I love this post and the more I reflected on it I needed to add the fact that I am grateful to alanon for giving me the tools to own my feelings, identify them, a place to share them, process therm, see my part and finally to let them go No more holding on to the pain that causes resentments
It makes me think of the stages of grief - how each stage is necessary to go through, but how vital it is to recovery to continually be moving through the stages to the next one. People can get stuck at a particular stage and spend the rest of their days stuck there. The final stage is acceptance and hope - I love hope, love the story of Pandora's box and the little flutter of hope at the bottom. I can look back and not feel guilty or bad for the time I spent in the anger stage because it was necessary for me to process before moving on.
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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown
All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France
Miranda, I am going through my divorce and I am not angry in the least. You should know by now that I am healing, though, and that I have dug deep inside. I am not living in denial. I think everyone's walk is different. Some people process things at different times of their divorces depending on the circumstances.
As for dealing with anger. Resentment came right alongside anger for me and I had to address those things. I had to make peace with the past and with my STBXAH. As Betty said, I had to identify my feelings, share them with others, see my part, and then I was able to let go. The resentments were killing me and I no longer hold onto expectations of others. I truly feel that I have found peace.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
I am glad for you Bonnie. I am not there yet as you stated everyone is different.
I am grieving and working thru it. We talk a lot about all these subjects at divorce
care. This is my second time I plan on a third time attending. I am a very slow
learner.
