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Hello everyone! It is springtime here in Texas...birds are chirping, plants are blooming...life is beautiful! Planning a family vacation with an active AH is not. So here is the deal: our oldest daughter will graduate next year and my AH would like the whole family to go on a vacation before she graduates (he wants to go this summer) We have not been on many family vacations, but I have mostly bad memories from the ones we have been on. My AH spends most of his days alone, drinking, so when he is out of his normal routine, he becomes very agitated and angry. One time when my kids were pretty little, (probably 7, 9 & 10) the kids came into our hotel room to get shoes and accidentally slammed the door and my AH kicked them out of the room angrily and wouldn't let them come back In. Of course a battle with me ensued as well. My son had to walk around without his shoes :( it was horrible. There are many instances like this - if he isn't getting his alcohol, he is in a horrible mood. Recently he lashed out at me when we were on a trip with just our son. It was awful and I could see the look in my son's eyes of pure anger towards his dad. Sad. We also went on a vacation with AH's family (his brother is also an A and their parents just seem to not see it...they drink also) and AH spent most of the time on the balcony of our hotel room drinking. His brother even got mad at him for drinking all of the beer! (And they had a ton of beer)
So so this trip he is wanting to take. I have been putting the planning on the back burner because I am so scared...like I don't want to go but I want my kids to be able to experience a fun vacation...the kids and I go on trips yearly, alone, and we have so much fun, but whenever he is with us, sadly things usually get ugly. What should I do? What are your family vacations like?
Your vacations with your A sound nightmarish. I wouldn't want to put the kids through one of those.
I'm guessing that if you resist going on vacation as he suggests, he'll make trouble and be difficult about it. "What's wrong with you? Don't you want family memories? You're always such a spoilsport! Nobody can have fun around you! You're standing in the way of this family's happiness! I've about had it with you and your judgemental ways!" Etc. Is it something like that?
They do try to get their way through bullying and blowing up. But what misery if you go. Basically it sounds like misery from him if you don't go, and misery from him if you do go. With those options, I'd choose the cheaper and easier misery at home. The idea of going on a vacation with a heavy drinker like that would just fill me with dread.
My experiences are similar. AH complains it's too hot and binge drinks every night of the holiday. Now his two alcoholic kids are old enough to drink and are right in the alcoholic bandwagon. So we do a family "stay cation" week at home. Each of us gets to pick a day trip. For any other holiday, I take youngest daughter, who is a great traveler and a people person who is always up for an adventure. The As just stay home and enjoy a week of booze and takeout.
I wouldnt go and when he asked why i would tell him the truth, in a calm non judgemental, i feel..... kind of way. The truth is the truth and holidays with an active drinker are horrible experiences for everyone, why subject your kids and you to it? To please an un-pleasable person? He may moan or go in a huff but whats the difference between one bad mood and the next?
