AD Continues to Pull at My Heartstrings - Al-Anon Family Group

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

AD Continues to Pull at My Heartstrings

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Big hugs GE.
That must be painful; good on you for keeping your eyes on your own serenity.
I can tell you that there have been years and years of very painful misunderstanding and ill feeling between my mother and I, and long periods of no communication. And yet now, somehow we are good and close again and I am so grateful for her love and support. A few months ago I would have said that was absolutely inconceivable. I think it's a pretty hardy and difficult bond to break, even if it can seem invisible sometimes and even for long stretches of time.
You let her know you were thinking of her and love her on her birthday and that will matter to her even if she can't acknowledge it any time soon.
(((GE)))

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

((GE)) I do understand Prayers on the way

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

My son would do things like this, not get in touch and he knew i would be out my mind and i was every time. I soon came to the conclusion he was doing this delibrately as either a pu ishment or to instill fear in me because when i was fearful he got away with just about anything and i was extra extra nice. Its unacceptable behaviour, dont you think? Its as blatant than if she just said, im not goj g to call you but i will everyone else and you will feel like crap so there. Ive got the power. Its unbeleivably childish and typical selfish alcoholic behaviour. Theres also a wee element of cruelty i there too. I know how you feel. I claimed back my power from my son with boundaries, its the hardest thing ive ever done but im so glad i did. Looks like you done it too.x

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you hugs, love and support! (((((((Green Eyes)))))))

tiredtonite · Veteran Member

Your post is a wonderful example of the program in action. I always seem to feel better after going out to a meeting. Listening to others share their experience, strength and hope can be so life affirming when my heart feels heavy. Good for you for choosing healthy action in response to your daughter. Thanks for sharing. (((hugs)) TT

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

That sounds so crappy and heartless of her. As an alcoholic in recovery, I will be honest that reading this makes me feel guilty for all the times I was such a down right sh*tty son to my mom. I am writing this just so you know. My mom was always in my heart but I was such a broken person. I avoided my mother like the plague when I was active in my drinking because she always reminded me of what I felt about myself which is that I was a huge failure and a big disappointment. She didn't even have to be nagging or anything and I still felt that because I wanted to be better for my mom but didn't want it enough for myself yet and didn't know how to do it. It may have appeared to others that I was doing well...I had a job and relationships, but I wasn't emotionally mature as I kept drinking. When I got in a new relationship, it "appeared" I was doing better because the new person had me trying a bit harder to be good and the new person was also helping clean up my messes. The new person was also making me happy sort of so it seemed I was emotionally doing better when really those "new boyfriends" were a distraction from true recovery. So...it took me til I was 36 to even start growing up. I feel some guilt just thinking about what my mom had for a son all the way up til that point. She had an overgrown child that refused to grow up that she had to worry about when really it was time for her to relax in life and enjoy having no more kids and being a grandma to my sisters' kids.

Green Eyes · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks for all of your support. Hearing perspectives from the other side (especially from Mark and Melissa) really helps me to get more insight as to what might be going on in my daughter's mind and why I need to keep detaching and using my program tools even more. I am so longing for us to have a better relationship, but I guess it's in my HP's hands right now. It's just so hard to be patient and not react.

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Green Eyes,,,thanks for the post and the remember that actually Al-Anon was the family I always needed to be in. It is my family of choice today along with my AA program helping me to lead a spiritually, Higher Power centered life. Al-Anon also gave my mom the son she always wanted (me) after I committed to living it. Its a necessity today....and everyday. (((((hugs))))) smile

serenity47 · ~*Service Worker*~

((hugs))) Children seem to have a way at aiming the arrow directly at the heart. My daughter does the same thing to me. Ignores me until it suits her purpose to make contact. This weekend I chose to suit my purpose and spent a nice enjoyable weekend away with my other family members who do want to participate in a relationship. It does not make the pain any less but it did lift my spirits and took the focus off of her.

SerenityRUS · ~*Service Worker*~

Hugs GE,

I'm so sorry, you can't divorce your kid. My sponsor has shared sometimes no news is the way her HP is letting her know it's all under control and she will know when she needs to know. It is a lot less painful than being in the middle of the drama has been my own observation. It doesn't make it easy.

I really love how "knowing I need a meeting" is such huge growth. Knowing when I need to ask for help, knowing when to reach out. I remember my own lack of ability to reach out to others.

Big hugs, S :)

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