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Post Info TOPIC: Not afraid of putting my feet down.


Senior Member

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Not afraid of putting my feet down.


Daughter's birthday is this weekend (actually on Monday). I am celebrating with her on Sat and apparently exAH is celebrating with her on Monday.

Today exIn-Laws txt me saying they are busy this weekend and asking if they can come over on the next weekend to see daughter and give her presents. I reply with a simple direct answer: "please arrange this with exAH"

So they reply back asking if exAH has her on next weekend and if the next weekend is not convenient for him can it be on the one after? I reply: "I don't know, sorry" (exAH works shifts and is a nightmare in organising his days off and has always been and his parents know it. He always gives me very little notice of when he will have daughter).

So they reply back saying that I am making them confused and asking me to pick a weekend at my convenience for them to come to MY home and spend time with daughter and  give presents for her birthday. I reply: "I am always very busy at my weekends, sorry. Please arrange with exAH to get a weekend off at your convenience or ask him to let you know when he has his weekend off so you can meet up with him."

They reply back saying that they understand that my weekends are busy so they will take half a day off on next Friday and come to MY home after school if that is ok.

At this point I start suspecting that they are probably avoiding exAH and I decide to think about it before replying. Been thinking for around 5 hours now and decided that I will not force myself in saying 'yes' when I want to say 'no'. I will not force myself in doing something I don't want to. I don't want to receive them in my home and play hostess. I know it sounds childish, obnoxious, mean but I don't want to interact much with them. They never cared when I was going through hell with exAH and never stood up for me when he was overstepping the mark. Always defending him, always brushing the dirt under the rug, always implying I am over sensitive because I refuse to accept abuse. When exH and I separated they treated me like s***t, knowing that I am absolutely alone and have no family in the country. I have absolutely no desire to spend any time with them at all.

I always let them take daughter to their house when they want and they did for one week at Chirstmas and for 4 days during the Easter weekend and a few days in between. But I really don't want to welcome them in my home and that is why to her last txt I replied again: "Please arrange with exH". 

Will try not to think about what they are thinking of me now.

Thanks for listening.



-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 16th of April 2015 06:30:45 PM

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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I like how you processed the entire incident Luiza You did not react, you thought out your options, you thought about the principles you are attempting to live, by and your response was not punitive or insulting. Most importantly you did not do something you did not wan to do. Good work.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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I think you've done a great job defending your boundaries and your home Luiza. Good for you!
Happy birthday to your beautiful girl too. How do you intend celebrating with her on Saturday?




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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Senior Member

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Thanks Betty. I was really worried I was being obstructive and difficult but they know that they can always have daughter even if it is only for the day. Many times they collect her early, take her to a day out and bring back to me in the evening. They know they can do it if they want to at any time. But I will not let them invite themselves to a mini party at MY home simply because I don't want to have them here and I don't want to spend my time talking meaningless chat, being fake or watch them being fake. I have a million better things to do.

We have always had mini parties with them at the house when it is daughter's birthday and now they are thinking nothing will change. Well, things changed for me but they can still do it at exAH's house. Oh wait, maybe exAH is being a pain in the back side and now they are finally beginning to see what he really is like (I am not there anymore to cover up)
Oh well, not my problem anymore. And I am extremely glad.

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Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



Senior Member

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Hi Mel. Thanks. We are going to a Japanese restaurant and them going to see her favourite Road Dahl's character in a play: 'Matilda'.
I am so looking forward to it and I am going to wear a new top that makes me feel very good about myself. Yey!



-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 16th of April 2015 07:13:45 PM



-- Edited by Luiza on Thursday 16th of April 2015 07:15:15 PM

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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Oh I love that story and daughter and I both love Japanese, that sounds like a gorgeous day!!

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



Senior Member

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Posts: 430
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Come with us!

__________________

Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tip toe if you must but take the step.



~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1887
Date:

If I lived a little closer, we just might

__________________

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)



~*Service Worker*~

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Luiza I completely understand your wish to protect your space. It is just for you and your daughter now. Her grandparents don't have an invitation. This is for you and the people you want to join you. That is powerful. You did well. How generous of you to keep the lines of communication open for your daughter to spend time with her grandparents. To me, that's a gGod mama move on your part.

I agree they might be learning what it's like to deal or avoid their son. Yes, that is no longer your part. Nicely done.


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~*Service Worker*~

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I agree and can't do the pretend thing with my exAh's parents either. They were my only family, so I give them my kids when they are in town and go do my thing. You have grown in leaps and bounds since you joined MIP!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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