Al-Anon Family Group

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Post Info TOPIC: protecting the source of information


Member

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Posts: 8
Date:
protecting the source of information


Yesterday I was speaking to a dear friend who learned that her boyfriend has been drinking problematically lately and has been taking steps to cover it up.  She is understandably disheartened, but concerned about how to confront the boyfriend as the source of the information was his 15 year old son, to whom she has promised anonymity.  They live in separate towns, and he has given up drinking in front of her, so her first hand experience of him in a questionable state is limited.  She is going to confront him, just not sure how or when. 

I suggested that she go to some meetings and she was receptive.  She is in a big enough town where she has options on that score (I checked).

Thoughts?



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 17196
Date:

Hi dry wit I'm glad that you suggested your friend search out Al-Anon meetings and attend. If his son confided this information to her in confidence, I do believe she owes him the anonymity of such a trust and I think that confronting her BF a waste of time.

Alcoholism is a progressive, chronic disease over which we are powerless. I think it is good that his son shared the secret with her so that she is not living in a fantasy but I see no point or good that can come out of her confronting him.

I believe she should ask herself what she thinks she could accomplish by such of confrontation,andr what did she hope the outcome would be. If she intends to break off the relationship based on his drinking, that is one thing. If she thinks she can stop his drinking by confronting him this a waste of time.



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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3613
Date:

I'm in agreement that it's not even necessary to divulge the information, because confronting him will not change a thing, except to make him offer excuses and deceptions, and very possibly get mad at the son.  However, it's hard to convince people not to confront.  I know we've all felt that craving to do it, as if all we have to do is to figure out exactly the right way to say it, and they'll see the light. 

I hope you can persuade your friend to give Al-Anon a try.  You could also invite her onto these boards.  Nobody should have to do this alone.



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