The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
well,ah's cellphone keep buzzing and he left it home so when i got it to turn it off..it had a text between a friend of ah's discusing a deal of the pal's to leave vodka and grass under ah,s and mine garage door. i knew something was up anyway because ah was acting especially antsy and going into the garage alot but im not gonna say anything. i did make an ultimatim that next time he drank,he would sign off on my pension so i could have the money i earned but bro in law pointed out to me that it would be a crazy scene and maybe i could tell him it was for bills...
advice please or what do u all think ? im giving u permission to tell me lol
Hello Alyce, first of all, I'm not sure if you are in the United States or another country. Here in the USA each partner of many years is entitled to 50% of pension, IRA, etc.. It is illegal to force one partner to sign a document relinquishing any claim unless there is an equal exchange of value.
I'm sorry that you still dealing with the insanity of this disease over which we are all powerless. Keeping the focus on myself, exploring my options and what I could do and what actions I can take were very helpful when I was in the situation such as you describe.
I was a stay-at-home mom with no money, and my husband was the sole provider. HP provided a way for me and I am eternally grateful. Prayers meetings and sharing here will help
God do I remember the involvement of others (users and drinkers) in my marriage with my alcoholic/addict. They were interfering with my training lessons and the wife was failing miserably...lol. Then I learned about the insanity of alcoholism and those lessons had me face myself. The suggestions of a home group and 90 meetings in 90 days and getting the literature and memorizing the slogans and getting a sponsor and prayer and meditation all helped to change my life and how I was living it. Listen for the suggestions from the winners and follow up on it. (((((hugs)))))
My suggestion, possibly advice in disguise, is go to meetings, feel the fear and do it anyway. Meeings as soon as possible. There you will get everything you need to do the next right thing whatever that is. Real life support, phone numbers, a sponsor.x
I think that meetings and a good face to face sponsor to talk these things out may help.
I also strongly urge you to contact a good attorney to find out if you can even have him removed from your pension.
I know that for me if still legally married I can't remove my spouse from anything. (pension, insurance, life insurance etc) so that it becomes an empty threat.
Remember threats do not work
only action works
and remember that the person we care about is YOU... and that has to be YOUR focus to. take care of yourself.
__________________
-- ladybug
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
Oh my heart sunk reading this. Even as I work my program I could not fully keep myself from noticing his antsy-ness. His needing to "run errands" at odd times. It's like an itch he HAD to scratch, and did. The siren of booze and weed was the other woman in our life.
So the question I hear you asking is "what now"?
First, you sound remarkably calm and focused - so good to hear! I just want you to take a moment and give yourself a hug here because you're half way there by staying centered!
Next, the money stuff. To move or not to move. To ask him to move. To do ____________. ???
I agree with Betty - I KNOW HP made a way for me.
I had a 97' Nissan with 200k miles on it, 3 suitcases and a two year old son and four year old daughter in tow.
I drove home. I went back to my tribe and my people and got into counseling. HP provided the rest. He always meets us halfway.
Meetings and more meetings and visit us here so we can support you with ESH!
