Hi I can relate to your share.

I am a quite confident person however after living with alcoholism I really stopped trusting people.

However I do trust my all anon family so rather than isolate . I get to meetings, pick up the phone and reach out.

I am more wary but hoping to get more balance as, I heal.

Hugs Tracy xxxxx

 

 

Luiza this reminds me of HP and sponsor times where and when I was left with growth issues I had not made yet.  This will make you stronger when you go to work on it.  Behavior, thoughts and feelings changes were great for me and taught me I didn't have to do what didn't work any longer.  Stay with your growth and keep on keeping on.  (((((hugs)))))

1st lots of prayers your way ! I totally relate to parts of your dilemma and since we don't give advice here in Alanon I'll just tell you my story and hope it may help you in someway . I was a Vice President of Operations for what was at the time the largest Bank in the world. I didn't work in a Bank I worked in a huge building that took care of Customer Care, Collections, Credit, Fraud, etc. But I didn't start out in that position. I had gone to school and was a Psych Nurse for 17 years before we moved to the State I live in now. I could not go back to Nursing because of an injury so I had to find a different career. Luckily I didn't move countries or I'd have been totally lost lol But I started working for this Bank low person on the Totem Pole. I didn't know or have any friends here and certainly didn't know who i could trust in my New State and New job. You should know I'm extremely competitive & while grateful for the job I had no intention of staying in the position.
I figured I would concentrate more on mastering my job, learning from listening to others talk to each other how to do things more quickly and efficiently. Socially I flew below the radar, not knowing who would be someone I could trust or who the people were I could learn from to better myself. So at Break Time or Lunch Time (and I always brought my own lunch, never went out the 1st year or so, so I wouldn't be trapped in a place i all of sudden may have wanted to leave, or spend my money to eat with people I didn't know or trust yet) I'd sit by myself, people watching. They were watching me too lol. Soon people would join me for a meal or break and I mostly listened. Gossip runs rampant thru every business, I had learned long ago gossip got me no where really. It was fun to hear it sometimes but mostly it came from people who were unreliable and were actually trying to divert attention of the higher ups away from them. If I got caught up in some of that gossip it often came back to bite me. So for the most part I didn't listen to what people said about others, unless I saw things myself or unless someone did something to me personally I didn't listen to the people who said things like " Don't talk to (insert name) they can't keep a secret" or "Stay of away from (insert name) they are stuck up " those are just 2 of the most common things. The people I learned to trust were those who were interested as I was of bettering myself. There in a building of about 1000 people 4 of them I could trust lol. People who lost their job and were bitter about it, I definitely didn't listen to. Whatever the company let them go for (and companies as a rule don't get rid of good employees because it costs a lot of money to train new ones) was between them and the company. But we helped each other climb the corporate ladder. It worked beautifully for me. I became disabled years ago and my friends I made are still my friends
Now as a person who couldn't bear to accept anything less than "Excellent" on all my reviews (and of course they were not all excellent in the beginning) when it came time that I was the one writing the review, I did hold each person up to "my" expectation as well as the expectations of their job. So with me they kinda got a double wammy lol. But I actually adored most of my employees. When it comes time for reviews this Bank as many other corporations do tell us How many people can be "Excellent" how many "Good" "Average" and "poor", it's very important because that is how they at the end of the year decide who gets the higher percentage of a raise. So I was smiling when you said You did well on everything except the "Communication" part because you aren't speaking your native language. That tells me you are doing great. If I was giving you that review and knowing you did so well despite a little bit of a language barrier I would have made sure to put in how well you are progressing in that area. As far as having awkward experiences with people, boy I've had quite a few and had to go back and work with them. If apologies were necessary then I would get that out of the way quickly and get on with my work if something else I went back to what I was comfortable with and that for me was doing the best job possible and never let people bring me down or avert my attention from that. If it is something where say you sit right next to each other and you find that uncomfortable now, don't be afraid to ask your supervisor to move desks. I helped out many of my employees in that regard, sometimes it was so obvious they didn't even have to ask. No advice here, but you sound like a great employee I pray you don't let someone take that from you!
But the bottom line is I didn't seek people out, I let them come to me (and they will) and that's how I learned who was trustworthy and who wasn't. I think you are going to be just fine Maybe runnin the company someday

Luiza, I don't think you are weird at all in your description of this work situation. This is something I am experiencing at my work now. Tons of gossip and a toxic environment and people quitting/being put on leave without pay and then wanting revenge and to sink the company. I think it's best to stay in your bubble of sorts with regard to work. You can't afford any talk that will make it more negative than it already is. Why expose yourself to something that is only going to make you more paranoid and worried at work? Also, remember - if it's that bad, there are always other jobs. Don't let yourself be trapped somewhere that is miserable.