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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> red flags??
Post Info TOPIC: red flags??
mjferg


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So I have been struggling with some decisions as to where I want to live next,my rental situation isn't going too well here,so I have been checking into some possibilities.My daughter wants to go to culinary school and there is one in another state where I have an ex,we talk once in awhile and chat on facebook,but nothing serious,Anyway he has a house that he bought to flip and it hasn't sold.I asked about renting it,he gave me a rent amount,it was way higher than he is paying as he also rents from a good friend and his rent is amazing!He is one hour from the beach and only pays 325.00 a month,yeah,and he actually makes very good money.One of the reasons he is my ex is he is very stingy,very money grubbing.He owns his own business and makes very good money.I said to him it sounds like you have been blessed to have a friend to give you a deal like that would you consider doing the same for me,he answered that he would knock off 100.00 dollars if I cleaned his house,excuse me! um no.I was insulted by that.It is very tempting as I say it is an amazing location one hour from a very popular beach,but I just have a bad feeling about it,maybe strings .I am not sure what it is but my gut is saying no,and that upsets me because it is an amazing opportunity for my daughter and I,sigh.What do I do?Maybe it is my pride because he asked me to be his cleaning lady?



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Mary
Mirandac


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Mary listen to your gut. It knows the score. Your gut is
Your HP talking to you!



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ladybugnessa


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NO it's not pride. IT's HP saying RUN from this LOSER...

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We come to love not by finding a perfect person,
but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.
mjferg


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yeah that is what i am thinking,i will keep looking!

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Mary
missmeliss


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I think I would avoid doing any kind of business with someone that brought out those kinds of feelings in me. Cleaning lady to a stingy ex....yes I think I see red flags and hear alarm bells.
Having said that, if the rental was a short term stepping stone to establish myself somewhere else and I had a clear plan for moving on quickly I might do it, not the cleaning lady bit tho. The potential for him to complain, demand too much, I don't think I could put myself in that situation.
I think it's awesome that you are looking for a new place anyway. That's something to celebrate in itself!! Yay!!

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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
mjferg


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yeah I have been looking at the big picture and even though I know I can trust myself to do the right thing I am not sure he can,we have been separated for 10 years and honestly he hasn't changed at all,I thought maybe I was dealing with a mature man but I am not and I am not willing to compromise myself or be controlled as I am sensing that is what he is all about.He makes all this money and he is a miserable man,interesting lesson for me ,though.As money doesn't make a person happy that is for sure.

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Mary
mjferg


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He is also going through a divorce and the first red flag was when he said she was crazy!At least I am getting better at the red flag thing!

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Mary
Mirandac


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Yeah for you mary!

Trusting ourselves is a sign of healing and personal growth.

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Skorpi


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YAY for recognizing the red flag!!!! Starting fresh in a new location is challenging, but exciting too, at least for me.

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Skorpi

If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
mjferg


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Yes I am noticing things I haven't before,I have a lot more freedom which is good,but at the same time a little scary!Also making choices based on my truth,wow! very interesting experience as I am awakening to a whole new way of life!

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Mary
mjferg


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I think I am trying to wrap my head around the idea that my daughter and I can have the life that we choose to have!!! that is a lot to comprehend as I have always given my power away!

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Mary
mjferg


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Good Grief Charlie brown this is pretty big stuff for me,I can't remember when I wasn't under a man's thumb!It is frightfully glorious!!

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Mary
Mich


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I am so excited for you. You're getting to make changes and future plans and are in the position to mull over things. Right now you can pick what you want and what a great place to be. It doesn't matter what you eventually decide because it will be right for you and for your daughter but you get to have so much fun on this journey in the meantime.

I don't think it was the cleaning lady bit that did it...I think it was the expectation that you had to do something in return. It wasn't a free offer. It wasn't clean and that leaves us feeling jittery.

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders Mary. Listen to your inner voice. It's there for a reason

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mjferg


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Yeah he is a serious miser!He hides money in socks! When I say he is in a great location,I mean his rent is unheard of and it is nice!And I believe he is taking advantage of his friends kindness actually.What a scrooge.

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Mary
Jen61


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Go with your gut.

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Breakingfree


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I like to cut string attached kind of deals and I think you can listen to you red flags and know things will work out for the best! Glad you are listening to yourself. Sending you love and support!

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

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