The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Today's reading is about step 4 and how it can be difficult for different reasons to take an inventory and be willing to get rid of character defects in ourselves. Sometimes we want to hold on to them, sometimes they are difficult to see. As the writer mentioned, looking at defects as things that once helped us in survival mode was helpful to me. For example, one defect I work on is sarcasm. At different times in my life having a quick remark was a form of protection for me. Once I saw that, I could let go of it. For one, being sarcastic can quickly travel into being mean. I also don't need the same methods of survival quite like I did at one time.
Working with a sponsor on my steps helped me immensely. I needed direction from someone who had a strong foundation in the program and that's how I worked the steps. Since working the steps I am able to see myself more clearly, especially when I fall back on some defects in certain situations
I like the thought for the day which reminds us that all of our traits are valuable (even defects) although they may not all be necessary.
Hi Mary, thanks for sharing the reading in the Hope for Today. I really liked the thought that reminded us: "that all our traits of valuable although some may no longer be necessary." It reinforces the idea that Al-Anon is not a self improvement program but a self acceptance one.
I agree the Steps including 4 through 10 were my road map to self-knowledge, acceptance, and freedom from the negative destructive tools that I developed while living with the disease of alcoholism.
. I too knew how to use sarcasm as a weapon until I saw how destructive it was to myself and others. I also discovered that instead of being honest, open and willing, in my interactions with others. I had developed tools, such as manipulation, dishonesty, game playing in order to get what I wanted. Being able to see what I was doing that hurt me and being offered different constructive tools to live by and a place to practice them,(meetings) really continues to enrich my life.
Thank you for your thoughts and for your service.ew tools up the destruction
For me, rather than sarcasm I think the biggest and most challenging one has been finding humor in everything including tragedy and refusing to take anything seriously. I saw it as an asset and it is, when used sensibly....but not when used to avoid actually dealing with anything or stand up for myself!!
I loved the realisation that many of my "defects" were assets that I was misusing. That I didn't need to change myself but to value and use my assets with discernment and care. That's a lot more enjoyable to work with than my old perception that i was useless and wrong and needed to basically become someone else to be a worthwhile human being.
Magic!!
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If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
For me, the biggest one I have a hard time letting go of is the perfectionism. I push myself at times to be perfect, be perfectly fit, have no slips in the program. I have still been trying to please others, rather than taking care of and being gentle with myself. Thank you for the topic, and everyone for your shares
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
thank you all fore responding. I see we have used sarcasm and/or humor in its forms as a defense mechanism. For me part of it was growing up youngest in a large family (6 kids). It was a way to get attention and approval. Whoever was the generator of laughs was the winner. I have to give credit to my now exAH. He was sensitive to sarcasm and was the first one who made me notice it can be very mean-spirited
Thanks everyone for sharing your ESH on step 4. I too have come to realize that many of my character defects are misused character assets, and/or defense mechanisms used to protect myself. I don't want to get rid of my sense of humor, but would prefer to use it to enrich my life and that of others rather than exacerbate the disease, but some defense mechanisms I find are pretty ingrained habits. Enjoy your day.
