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Post Info TOPIC: Intervention?


Member

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Date:
Intervention?


Today my therapist asked if I had ever thought about conducting an intervention. I just started crying and found it difficult to move forward with the conversation. I decided that it's not something I feel strong enough to do, not yet anyway. She told me that I should try watching an episode of Intervention. I couldn't even watch for more than a few moments without getting really upset. But then I thought about how much energy I've used today trying to deal with my husband. How many times I've felt worried or sad or alone. It made me wonder if it's something I should look into. I feel like it would be a betrayal to him and that he would be so embarrassed.  

This afternoon I found an empty whiskey bottle and an almost empty bottle in the basement. I told him I found it and that I wasn't mad or disappointed with him. I said I loved him but that I am tired of thinking about him and alcohol. He barely responded and then drank a beer in another room and went to bed. I am trying to be strong and focus on myself and the kids. I want him to get help but I don't think he will until things get really bad. I am afraid for that day.  



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Alma Daigle


~*Service Worker*~

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Hi Alma, I hear the fear and anxiety that you are experiencing and so understand. I have watched the "Intervention "show and find it overwhelming myself. I've also noted that like many programs many people who go into treatment do not remain sober when they leave the facility.

I too had difficulty accepting the fact that alcoholism was a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that could be arrested and never cured. The symptoms that I was witnessing in my partner were those of alcoholism and the faster I accepted the reality of this fact, the faster I could begin to heal.

Acceptance of alcoholism as a disease over which I was powerless gave me the power to begin to focus on myself, attend Al-Anon meetings every day, work the steps, use the slogans and pray often. Helping myself was the best I could do so that my attitudes changed and I was able to function on a much better level.

The readings in the opening of the Al-Anon meeting states;" we urge you to try our program.. So much depends on our own attitudes and the family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas. In Al-Anon we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible to find contentment and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not.


I do hope you keep coming back and find the serenity that is so important.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 1662
Date:

Alma are you attending face to face alanon meetings yet?
They will help you learn new coping tools to protect yourself
And your children. You will learn loving detachment and heathy
boundaries Among other tools. Also ftf mtgs break the isolation
the disease Causes. There are many people before you that have
walked in Your shoes.

It is suggested in alanon to make no major changes for six
To twelve months. Until we can get emotionally healthy ourselves
And can make healthy choices.

Intervention very rarely work. He needs to want to stop drinking
And go about the process. Detox if needed and then attend AA
Meetings. That is his decision and journey to make. Your ah has
His own HP.


Alanon is about you getting better. You learn the art of self love,
Self care and self acceptance with the help of your HP holding
Your hand.

I too go to a therapist but any real changes in me has been
In Alanon. Many therapist especially drug and alcohol will
Recomend attending alanon. We are the ones that need to
Change and grow. We get as sick as the Alcoholic but in a
Different way.





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~*Service Worker*~

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I was always afraid for that day and it finally came on March 20th, 2014. I should have never worried because it's the best thing that could have happened to me and my son. Now I'm preparing for the day he is released that I will be strong and never again go back to where I came from.

((( hugs )))


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 Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.

 


~*Service Worker*~

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Posts: 5075
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What about help for you? Alanon meetings will help you, not a lot you can do about him, hes doing what he wants. You can change things for yourself no matter what he does or doesnt.

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~*Service Worker*~

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As el-cee said, you need help and support as much as he does. Living with alcoholism changes us, distorts our values. Makes us try to do things for the alcoholic that they can do for themselves but won't. Makes us neglect ourselves and our children.

If you feel like you can't handle an intervention, or he would be embarrassed, then don't do it. But do get some focus and support on yourself. your children need you since they obviously are getting nothing from him. And YOU need you, since you also are getting no support, instead getting dragged down into a cesspool.

I hope you can get to a meeting soon!

Kenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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Addiction has been in my life for most of it - parents, first husband and now second. Like Kenny says it changes us and distorts our value. We want to fix them and fix our life, but we cannot. We can only fix ourselves. A few weeks ago I told my AH that do what he wanted to do. I can no longer think about him, the drinking, and all of the BS constantly. It has been affecting my health for a long time. Surprisingly and I really mean surprisingly, he is not drinking. Anything out of the normal I think well here we go again. Do I think it will last? I have no idea. I just know I cannot be "that" person anymore. I think my HP has given me a chance to release all of my pent of anger, take care of me and hopefully see a brighter future. Take care, Jenny

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~*Service Worker*~

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One last thing I would like to say is watch Intervention. I have been watching it for years. At first it was so painful. It might help in some ways.

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~*Service Worker*~

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From what I have heard of people I know who've done interventions, they very often do not work.  The person may agree to go into rehab, but unless they're ready to stay sober, they relapse pretty quickly.  I say this so you don't feel unnecessary pressure to do an intervention, like "If only I could do one, my A would go into rehab and be sober."  In my experience, many therapists know what they've read in books and seen on TV about addiction, but they haven't lived it up close.  To my mind, the most important question is not "Should you do an intervention?" but "How can you take good care of yourself in this relationship?"



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Member

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Posts: 5
Date:

Thank you everyone! There is some really great advice in these messages and I really appreciate the support. I had a long talk with him and for the first time ever, he admitted there is a problem and is willing to see a therapist. I know that that is a small step and I need to see it before I get too excited, but it is something positive to report! Just like being a part of this group has been a really good first start in my recovery.

Thank you.


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Alma Daigle
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