The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
i wanna go to meeting but I have no vehicle and the closest one is about half hour away. I recentmy got into a relationship with a man I simPly adore. I met him and he was great stolen my heart right away. Then he started drinking he had always been an alcoholicjust hid when we first met. He is not violent a dishonest whiny drunk. He has taken my car three times yet he has no license. I have to lock my keys in a safe now. Everyone has left him and I can't do that its. It me and I love him. I know the man he can be when sober he is great guy excellent father great bf and successful bussiness owner when he is drinking he ignores everything his kids his partner ie..me and his bussiness. All that mattersis alcohol. What frustrates me is he knows this he says it when he is sober. I hurt so many people when I drink I am not a good father or boyfriend or son. So he knows this why does he keep doing it. I habe been in recovery for many years now from drugs so I know it's a diease and it's not easy to stop. I saw what it was doing to my family and myself and stopped he sees it and say he knowa he needs to stop. I don't know what to do how do I help him stay with him and not lose myself in process. I don't wanna get caught up in his addiction. He tells me dont "throw him under bus" like talk to his mom. Oh my other problem is I can't just leave I live two hours away. I don't know what do I am so lost not sure if this is making sense. Any advice would be appreciated he is a binge drinker as he goes on for a week or so is sober for a few weeks then drinks again. He is sober at moment and is the man I fell in love with that why it's so hard. Please HELP!!!!!
There are online meetings twice daily but face to face
Meetings are where you break the isolation from the
Disease. Make yourself accountable for your own self
healing And growth. Meet other people that have been
there And will help you walk your path.
Read on here their is plenty of experience,strength and
Hope. Your post is all too familar to many others. Saying
The same things you stated. You are not alone in loving
An alcoholic.
Alanon is a program about you not the alcoholic You learn
Useful tools such as loving detachment and healthy boundaries.
You learn self love,self care and self acceptance with the
Help of your HP.
Hi Dave Welcome Alanon can help you and I have provided a schedule of on line meetings held here to assist
Meeting Schedule?
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Night Meetings
Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time
Sunday 7PM eastern time
Each Thursday night at 9PM EST, we will be having a Step/Tradition Meeting to help new people get to know and understand how to work the 12 steps. After going through one Step per week, and getting through the 12 of them, we then start a Tradition a week on this same night.
Group Business Meetings are held in this room on:
You are not alone Please know that alcoholism is a chronic, progressive, fatal disease that can be arrested but never cured--
Living with the disease is dangerous to your health as well. Since we are powerless over the disease in another we must seek help for ourselves .
Welcome. You sould like you are working hard to sell yourself on the idea that this is a decent relationship to progress in. Nobody really has the right to tell you otherwise. Ultimately, it is up to you. I do hear the beginnings of some twisted dynamics that can only get worse. Pleas and threats about not "throwing him under the bus" sounds like how an alcoholic will often take you hostage in a relationship and then make you feel ashamed, isolated, and obligated to keep their drinking secret. Think about how that behavior may play out over the course of years... He also told you loud and clear he's an amoral and disappointing person when binging, yet you are minimizing that because you haven't seen how it directly hurts you...yet. He hasn't been violent or cheated YET...what you are assessing as his "normal" binging behavior is really probably tame towards you at this point, being the new boyfriend. Violence, lying, and cheating are usually not apparent in the beginning. Most everyone here will tell you they knew their qualifier drank a lot but that they seemed sweet and romantic and had so much potential in the beginning. It is later on that things deteriorate with relationships with alcoholics. So...keep checking out alanon, but remember, you have no power over his drinking. It very likely will be nothing like how you stopped using drugs in early adulthood and I can tell you from my own experience how trying to play counselor or sponsor to your boyfriend turns out...crappy. You say you "simply adore" him. My experience has been that people say this in the infatuation/sexualized stage of the relationship. Relationshipwise, if you really "adored" him...then be clear that you also adore the self sabotaging binge drunk part too because that is a real part of him as well and not something you will be able to keep compartmentalized in the long run. In a long term relationship, you will always want and deserve stability and the person that is loving and attentive. It will drive you crazy to have that "part time" and , more than likely, less and less the longer you are together. Just my experiences when I tried to date drunks not ready to stop.
Welcome. It is very hard to live with the uncertainty and the rollercoaster of emotions especially when you see him sober for as long as a week and then suddenly the other shoe drops. All you can do is take care of yourself. I think it's fruitless to compare your own recovery journey because no one can really know what's going on internally in another human being and why they are affected by a substance the way that they are including the choices they make. You'll just drive yourself crazy trying to figure him out.
Online Alanon helped me very much when I was new to the program. There were plenty of meetings in my town but I was afraid to go. I'm really glad I got over that fear. Everyone was so welcoming.
If it's at all possible to get to the meeting nearest you, you might connect with someone from your town and be able to ride together in the future. In person meetings help us feel less alone. Being in the group setting and hearing the shares can be very healing. Glad you found us. Keep coming back. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I appreciate all the support and suggestions about how to help myself which is most important. I will continue online until such time as I can get a live meeting. I don't know where this is going or where he is going but I do love him enough to see if this plays out right as he says after last time he really needs help and is gonna get it. He has made the first step meetings twice a week so we will see. I just need to work on myself and realize his diease is not mine. Take care of me because if I fall apart and can't do loving separation or set boundaries then there is no way I can support him however this goes.
Your ABF owns his disease and his demons, he needs to face them.
He is the only one that can help himself, His problems are not yours
to shoulder or bear in any way. My ah is dry but the same applies.
We get as sick as they are but in a different way. We lose
Ourselves in them and stop taking care of us. Most of us
Come from the disease or the dysfunction from the disease.
Otherwise we wouldnt have hooked up with an addict. The
Little red flags would have been waving in the air! Stop!
Danger ahead!
First comes your HP then you and then everyone else comes
after that. You need to take care of you and learn new constructive
Tools to live by to protect yourself from the insanity of the
Disease let your HP hold your hand while you grow and
Change.
Alanon is a me program, about our emotional and spiritual
Health and growth. You really should get to a face to face
Meeting as soon as you can. It breaks the isolation caused
From the Disease.
