The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This was shared at a meeting tonight where a member shared she was having a conversation with a friend and was asking about her relationship. Her friend's husband overheard the conversation and said to her "Ask yourself who you are and what do YOU want?"
Isn't that amazing. I know I've heard that question many times over and so often I forget to allow myself to meditate upon it and discover the answers to that. Most of the time when I'm on auto-pilot, I'm waiting around for the next special person to show up in my life with whom I will morph myself into a likeness of THEIR wants and needs. You like diving? Sign me up. I'll learn to dive even though the ocean scares me. You're a biker? By gosh I'll turn into a bone-fide biker b*tch for you even though it's not really my thing. You run marathons? I'll be training with you even though I HATE running.
I suppose there's a fine line there between being willing to expose myself to new experiences to see if I enjoy them, but I so often take it that I HAVE to experience those new things I'm not normally interested in so that I may hook this person I want to be romantically involved with.
So what DO I want? I think I know. But heard at another meeting earlier this week: We were sharing about fear and bringing our prayers to HP. One member shared that when he prays to his HP, it's to ask his HP to give him what his HP has.
I think that's a great place to start.
What does MY HP have? Love, acceptance, serenity, abundance, generosity, gratitude, forgiveness, peace. I wouldn't mind a good dose of those while I figure out the other little things like if I like to dance or knit or do underwater basket weaving.
Thanks for letting me share. :)
-- Edited by Aloha on Saturday 21st of March 2015 01:57:09 AM
Great question. ALOHA. There is a reading in the ODA T that reminds us that if we are asked that question we have difficulty answering because we have stopped going inward and nurturing ourselves.
We could tell you about what our boyfriends and husbands and children want because we are always jumping into their thoughts and lives however, we have neglected ourselves in this respect and all our ideas about who we are what we want our outmoded.
Since practicing program and living one day at a time trusting HP. I do believe I would answer the question that I am an educated professional, recovering human being.who is filled with courage, wisdom, compassion, empathy, intelligence and experience who is on a spiritual path, trusting HP with my now and future.
Aloha: I am me & only Me & I want to share myself w/ others who cross my path. I am a grateful, loving person & a good friend that is no longer needy & especially not as judgmental as I used to be. I have a plan. I am finally making that plan stick!
Thank you for your questions, to me they are the most important ones that i spent least time on. I was like you, more faces than the town clock, i never felt good enough, i felt beneath people so whatever they thought or done i always considered better than anything i thought or done so iw ould change to be like whoever i was with. I was really good at it so people liked me, but not me, just a version of themselves they saw in me, if that makes sense. People pleasing at its finest.
Alanon has given me tools that help me look inside, focus on me. Who am i? Im still working that out but i have came to the conclusion that im made up of equal good and bad parts or assets and shortcomings. Arent we all? I have assets like most people, im loyal, honest, clever, but at the same time im stupid, fickle, selfish. I think for every good i have in me i can also be the complete opposite at times. Its been good for me to just be, whatever that means, im better at accepting my flaws and not putting myself above others with my strengths. Im finding more balance in my life these days but its a fine line between seeing my good points, feeling them, acknowledging them but not letting them go to my head and feed my ego monster that seems to lie close to my surface.
what do i want is another biggie for me. It changes day to day but the biggest thing i want is too continue growing in self awareness and progressing. I want to continue this spiritual journey alanon has led me on. I want to keep getting the rewards. Ive let go of the material wants much more. Im more interested in caring for myself properly and it isnt about the material possesions, a house, car, money etc. This has never brought me happiness, i found more happiness letting each of these things go one by one. i want serenity, to have peace regardless of the outside circumstances. Thank you for your post.
This is a wonderful thread. I have no problem answering those questions today, after 3 years in program, but I couldn't have told you that before I came here.
Aloha, I have been testing the waters in the dating world and just meeting men because I kept my head down for so long in my marriage that I forgot that men existed, to some degree. I have met some really nice guys and I'll tell you that they all have mentioned that they appreciate my honesty, my ability to laugh at myself, and the fact that I don't try to be someone I'm not. One guy wanted to 'someday' take me out on his Harley....Sorry, I had to tell him that it wasn't my thing but that I would give it a whirl for a short ride just to try it out. I made no promises of becoming a biker chick, LOL.
I think program has taught me who I am and I think that being honest with myself has allowed others to see that honesty and appreciate me more for it. I think you hit the nail on the head above when you said to ask HP to give you what your HP has. When we can experience those things within ourselves, we can be better for everyone including ourselves and every step and stumbling block along the way opens up the path for greater learning and adventure. Hugs to you today, thank you for sharing this topic.
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Never grow a wishbone where your backbone ought to be!
