The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My husband is an alcoholic. He recently acknowledges this and has went to 1 meeting at AA (thought he says 3). He has had a drinking problem for years and I finally had enough about 5 months ago and said something. He has hidden his drinking from me for years. Hiding the bottles in the pantry, his truck, the garage, the trash can, etc. I have no trust for the man. Because of this, I have become paranoid. I look for signs of drinking constantly, search his truck, and I check up on him daily. We are in the middle of moving and this is where my panic begins. We have wanted to move for years and found a perfect home, however, it is not home I can afford by myself. I have read and researched how alcoholics change, lie, manipulate.... I'm scared out of my mind. I'm trying to help, be supportive, but I don't know what to do. I have 2 small boys and I don't want them to grow up to be like their dad.
I want to go to Al-Anon meetings, unfortunately, they are late in the evening. I'm just at a loss....... I'm running around, trying to keep things going, school, work, home, bills and I feel I'm doing something wrong.
You are not alone. All of us here have been through this or are going through it. Going to face to face meetings had really helped me. It is not easy to get to them between work and family and worry. If that isn't possible, try online meetings here at MIP. I know the hell you are going through-- I'm in it myself--but the tools of al anon really will help you get a new perspective and put worry in its place. Sending you hugs.
runningwife, you will find great advice here. You are definitely not alone and our stories are very similar. I too have two boys and my husband admitted his drinking problem about 3 weeks ago. I know what you mean about being paniced and looking for signs of drinking all the time. I don't really have too many suggestions but I do think you panic has probably heightened due to the stress of also moving. Take some deep breaths and try to find time for a meeting. I have also read that they do online chat meetings on this site in the morning so perhaps you can try one of those if you can't find the time for a f2f meeting. Please reach out to me if you ever need to talk. This is just so hard to go through for anyone but when you add two small kids to the mix it is especially hard. Sending you a ton of hugs.
Welcome to MIP. As you have no doubt know alcoholism is a chronic , progressive , fatal disease over which we are powerless. It can be arrested and never cured. We who live with this disease become affected by the insanity that we try to cope with and need a program of recovery of our own. Al-Anon is that program. I'm glad that you have found Al-Anon meetings and it is unfortunate that they are held to late for you. We have online meetings here every day. Here is the schedule;
Morning Meetings
Mon. - Fri. at 9am EST
Sat. - Sun at 10am EST
Each Sunday morning at 10 am EST, we will be having a Spiritual meeting with a topic relating to the Spiritual part of our program.
Night Meetings
Mon-Saturday 9PM eastern time
Sunday 7PM eastern time
Each Thursday night at 9PM EST, we will be having a Step/Tradition Meeting to help new people get to know and understand how to work the 12 steps.
After going through one Step per week, and getting through the 12 of them, we then start a Tradition a week on this same night.
Please keep coming back. Breaking the isolation is crucial to your recovery.
I realized that I had several plates spinning in the air at once.... Five young children, bills, one f/t job and then another, more bills, my illness, making sure no one knew, on and on. I ran around trying desperately not to let the plates hit the floor and shatter. As I was BUSY putting my energy into everyone and everything else... I noticed something.
My spouse was not so busy. He was in the basement. He was glassy eyed and unemployed. He did not parent, cook, clean or engage on any level at the worst part of his disease.
I got angry about this.
Then I realized, I was somehow part of this problem because I was NOT being busy caring for myself. So externally focused, I hadn't taken even a moment to look inward.
For me, that was what I was doing wrong.
When I changed, stopped spinning and let the plates hit the floor so to speak, he had no choice but to change his behavior as well.
Meetings, this board and breathing - not overthinking or being hard on yourself are all excellent ways to start unpack and look at what makes you feel like you're running at your own pace and in your own way.
