The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am feeling very emotional. I've dropped out of many clubs because of the pain and grief I am feeling. My ah told me to leave him alone. My adult children have told me to back off. I've gotten the message. Stay away!!! Stop talking!!! i was even told at alanon group there is no hope until I get it!! I'm trying. All I can do is cry. im sorry if I offend. I don't do it to hurt others. its just that I'm hurting so much.
Confused you are not alone. Attending alanon meetings and really listening, with an open mind helped me to understand that alcoholism is disease over which I am powerless. By living with the insanity of this disease I too have become ill and need to work a program of recovery.
Alanon is that program. Here I learned to keep an open mind , know that I am responsible for my own happiness's and that I am powerless over others. No matter what anyone has done I needed to take care of myself with the new constructive tools available in alanon in order to live once again.
No one else can do it for me and no amount of looking for support from others will ease the pain I need to work the Steps, using the slogans and attend meetings in order to recover.
Please keep coming beck here as well You are not alone.
Confused, Hi, welcome to MIP. You aren't alone. I was at a meeting the other night where the topic was hope. I would rephrase what you heard that there isn't any hope until you get it. That is because there is always hope that you will get it!! There is always hope as long as you keep trying! The only time you can lose hope is when YOU stop trying. As Betty said, you are the only one who can do this for yourself. It sound like your husbnand has checked out, your kids have told you you are too much for them. So the time is now to get to meetings and exert control over the only person you have control over - YOU!
You really aren't alone. Keep coming back here, and keep going to those face to face meetings. I know so many people that have developed serenity through constant application of the Al Anon tools, you can be one of them!
I also dropped out of a lot of things when my wife was active. I have been rejoining a number of things lately, and it feels like I am just now coming back to life after stress-hibernating. You can come back to life and flower again too!
Confused, can you get to any other meetings? meetings can be your lifeline when you get to this point. We also have online meetings here twice a day, look in the top left corner for times.
You can also just go in the chatroom, often there are people just hanging in there that you can talk to. if there isn't anybody now, closer to meeting time tonight there will be people in there. It's a great place to go to get some real-time comfort.
There is also a hotline in many localities and states, someone you can talk to on the phone to help with this. Just keep trying, it may seem hopeless, but there are people out there willing to talk.
That could be the result of living with the insanity of this disease . If you are so depressed, it may be necessary for you to consult a Doctor for an evaluation as well as alanon meetings.
Taking constructive actions to address your pain is very important, seeing a physicianl could really help
I went to 2 meetings yesterday. I cried and cried at both. I'm sorry I feel like I'm offending people with my grief. I do also have medication For depression. It's not helping right now. I've been reading my alanon literature. I will continue to read and pray. I can only hold it together minutes at a time.
Welcome, Confused, and thank you for reaching out.
Writing, as Betty suggested to you, has really been a saving grace for me.
I understand the feeling of being alone, isolated, and depressed. I hope, in addition to how sad and alone you are feeling right now, you see people at Alanon like me, reaching out to you. I might be very skillful at it, and I might not be able to say things in a way that you can or need to hear them, but I hope that you know that you are not alone and that there are people who care and understand.
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Skorpi
If you are depressed, you are living in the past. If you are anxious, you are living in the future. If you are at peace, you are living in the present. - Lao Tzu
I was so so lost and didn't know how to quit and "Let Go Let God" into my heart. With time and a lot of help I was able to abide by my quotes below. Reading all you can get your hands on helps a lot too. Courage to Change, One Day at a time and many others. Also at the beginning I read a book called " Getting them Sober" by Toby Rice Drew. It helped me understand a lot about myself and what I needed to do to start my recovery. You will find when you stop your reactions that others will come back because you are on your side of the street and not stepping into theirs.
Tonight why don't you say the Serenity prayer over and over and truly try and understand what every word means and how it effects you.
God grant me the serenity to except the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
God or your HP will help you when you ask but you also have to listen my friend.
(((( hugs )))) and keep coming back because MIP is here for you
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thank you Cathyinaz, the Serenity prayer is my constant friend. I do say it over and over. I have read Toby Rice Drews book and it is very helpful. I think I will re-read it tonight. I guess I am feeling very hopeless. I went to a f2f meeting at noon. Thinking about going again tonight. The more I can listen to others the more it will sink in my brain. Everyone says I'm Not alone. But, I feel very alone. Praying helps a little. I will continue until I fall asleep. Thanks again.
Confused... I think I cried an ocean of tears the first several months of my own confusing and insane family situation. It may be that you simply NEED to cry. Your grief is sacred and is one of the very first pieces to the entire picture of healing - and it offends NO ONE here. I have said many times that I can't always do "one day at a time" - sometimes it is a "minute at a time, one breath at a time". And that's ok.
Be gentle to yourself. If you saw your best friend or your child in the grief that you feel now, you would never be upset by it. You would get down in the trenches with them to offer support. That's the kind of love and take-it-easy attitude we can have with ourselves, and with your MIP friends here.
Mostly I love that you said you are in prayer to your HP - that of course will bring a peace to storm in it's own time.
Hang in there....
There you go. With all of the negative feeling you still feel positive and different from inside the rooms of Al-Anon...this for us is about change and you can bring that here for us to share with us because we have been there also when we started to feel change as the program caused us to change. Keep coming back. (((hgs))))
Confused-Here is a hug from me { }. I agree with others that if you continue to work the tools of alanon, you will find relief and comfort. I let my pain build up for years and then when I realized I needed help it was so much to deal with. So for however long your pain has grown, it can't go away immediately as we would like. It's a process and it takes time and dedication. I wish you wouldn't apologize for your grieving-you have to do it your way and in your time. I had to accept that I was a sick, emotional mess, and I could not feel better for some months. But you can do it! Keep coming back! The board is dedicated to helping all of us struggling with the aftermath of alcoholism Lyne :)
Confused, I understand how you are feeling. Sometimes I just don't know if I can continue in this crazy madness. I do well for a time and then I am right back in the resent, anger mode then I go to the completely sad and hopeless mode. ( I feel like I must be suffering from mental illness, it is so up and down) I am beginning to understand though, that what I choose to put up with is what will continue. If I am so very unhappy, then I have to find a way to change things for ME because my AH is going to continue to drink and disappoint. I am really trying to remind myself to TRUST my HP. I am writing a "life study" journal right now. Whenever I come across helpful info or meaningful verses, I write them in this journal and try to read it every morning first thing...I have a hard time retaining useful knowledge in the heat of emotion and this journal has really been helpfull. Please know that you are not alone. You are beautiful, talented, smart and loving (your a MOM!) I hope you can start some positive changes in your life to move you towards YOUR happiness - :) hugs!!
Thank you all. Listening here and listening at alanon has been helpful. So far haven't cried today. I got busy and volunteered at a fund raiser for my grand daughters project graduation event all morning. It helped me remember others and forgot about my pain.
Now I'm getting ready to go out to dinner with one of my daughters for tonight. Small steps. Still praying. Not blaming myself right now. I hope I can hold it together for the evening.
Fairlee I like your journal idea. I've been writing in mine but I write Ah letters. I need to concentrate on inspirational messages like you suggested. Writing to him only makes me more sad. I read and read but then I cry. Not doing that tonight. I promised myself.
Lyne all my pain has indeed built up. Everyone keeps telling me grief takes time. I can't rush it. I need to let it happen. Stuffing it doesn't help either. It needs to flow at its own pace. It takes time. I will try to allow it to happen at it's own pace. I know I keep apologizing But that's my codependent behavior that's rearing it's ugly head. I don't think I'm allowed to show these behaviors.
Confused - I totally understand and relate to your posts. It's hard to just stop when all of a sudden your AH simply doesn't want your help anymore. You're not a robot or numbed by substances, so of course understanding him (who is so messed up) is impossible. I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better. I can tell you are a very strong person. Sending good thoughts. xo
I love what you said about grief. One of my favorites on grief is " you can't climb over it, you can't move around it - you have to go through it". Hugs!
Nobody comes into 12 step programs all happy. We all start out crying and miserable. It is okay. I kmow it hurts but you know you aren't alone. And just like how you forgot your problems when helping others, ours lessen when helping you. That's how it works.
Confused, I thank you for being open and sharing your grief. I to can relate. My ah told me what I'm asking of him is impossible. He refuses and doesn't need someone like me in his life. Me, his wife of 18 years, a person who stood by him in his darkest times and only tried to lift him up. I cry all the time. Even when I'm at work. I cant focus because all I think about is him and why can't I understand what he is going through. Right now I'm scared and feel alone. But after going to a meeting and coming here to the board and reading the kind words from others experiencing the same feelings. I have a little bit of faith and some hope that eventually things will get better!
4myboys, I crying for a whole weeks straight. Morning, noon, night. I cry at every meeting. And I try to go to one a day sometimes I go to 2 a day. I cry. I am very codependent. I had no contact with him for 5 days in a row. It was not easier it was harder.
I'm sorry you're going through this too. All I can say is take one day at a time. Sometimes I take one hour at a time, one 30 minute segment, one 10 minute segment. What ever I need to do to stop crying. Today is good so far. I'm trying to concentrate on the students. I feel I have made progress. A little. As for hope??? I don't know today there is just no tears. I'll think about hope when I can handle things better. If I analyze then I cry. My therapist says to stop analyzing.
Confused great posting. I would like to say that I agree completely with your therapist-- alanon has a powerful slogan that helped me"" Utilize do not analyze " . It helped me to remember to use my tools instead of trying to "figure it out
Yes I feel safer if I isolate myself. I don't have to face anyone Except when I go to a meeting. I pray alone. I eat alone. I cry alone. I sleep alone. It's very hard to feel a part of society when you don't interact with anyone.
