HELLO,

I am not sure how to handle my boyfriends alcoholism. We are both in our late 40's.  Throughout my adulthood I have done my share of drinking, was a bartender and have been exposed to but not been in relationships with people who have a drinking problem. so I am kind of lost here . He and I met through a mutual friend about a year and a half ago. When we first started dating, alcohol was a part of our social  life, most our friends are casual drinkers, we like to host barbeques , go to concerts or dancing etc. Nothing seemed really out of control. I would consider myself a casual drinker  The closer we became, spending weekends at each others houses  and such  I noticed that he drank  heavily on a daily basis ,on his way home from work , when he got home, just pretty much all the time except when he was working, Over time I realized how much of a problem it really is for him. He has recently opened up to me about his feelings, why he drinks ( Stress, money problems, not wanting to feel emotions, to forget etc) At that point I mentioned therapy . He is seeing a psychiatrist and has been on several meds but none seem to help him with his depression, He hasn't had therapy, just someone to prescribe him medication, . I also want to mention that he was sober almost 4 years about 10 years ago. He attended meetings daily for the whole time period but told me his then  wife/family stopped being supportive of him going to meetings after almost 4 years and surely he could miss a couple here and there since they interfered with family functions, son's softball games ,vacations etc etc  since the first thing he did when in a new place was to look for AA meetings , he seemed to be resentful of his waning family support  and eventually he slipped back into drinking,

Back to the present time His drinking had become repulsive to me, constant beer breath, his drink of choice btw,, sloppiness, forgetting whole events and conversations. I brought it up to him about 6 months ago, he admitted to me that yes he had a problem but he wasn't ready to  quit drinking at this particular time. I told him I couldn't be with him or spend time with him if he was drunk.

For a while he made an effort to stay sober during the times we spent together, it was quite nice, then around Christmas time he had some sort of meltdown and went on a several day long binge, isolating himself, He has guns in his house and has mentioned "ending it all". I distanced myself from him as I couldn't bear to see him in such a state. We stopped dating per se but remained in contact.

Then the beginning of February without any prompting he decided to go back to AA. He was drunk for his first meeting but kept going and after a few meetings managed to get sober  He said he had to do it, his life was not working, he wanted to have a good life with me and it couldn't be while he was drinking.. I was very supportive during these times, I attended some meetings with him and gained a little more insight and was appreciative of what people had to share. I can honestly say it helped me in my own way. I was extremely happy and proud of him that he made the decision to gain sobriety and made it a point to tell him so and tell him how good he was doing....that lasted about 2 weeks. and he relapsed Hard... He told me he knew when he woke up that particular day  he was going to buy a bottle of vodka after the meeting. He was hoping there was something at the meeting that would cause him to not do it but his desire to drink was stronger.

Since then he has been drunk for the past 5 days, and I mean drunk 24 hours a day. In the few moments of clarity he has he tells me he wants to, needs to, has to and will stop drinking. Tells me he is trying. He is going to meetings twice a day but still drinks heavily. He tells me he needs my support, how much it helped him to stay sober the couple of weeks he manged. I told him I will support him when he decides to get and stay sober. Before this I tried to suggest everything I could think of to encourage him. We dug out all his old chips from years ago and he put then in his jeans pocket to always feel them . I took his vodka and poured it out but he just buys more. it is really sad. He still tells me constantly he wants to NOT drink and how he is trying... how hard it is and how he feels he failed himself  and everyone. I actually think I was the only one who knew he was trying to get sober, none of his friends /family members knew. He didnt want to tell them.,,,but to me going and buying vodka does not constitute trying. He thinks going to meetings is enough trying. I suggested to start the steps again since he seemed to jump right in the middle. One meeting I attended  they were addressing step 4.

He tells me he cant do it without me, how he needs and loves me, needs my support, but how can I support him if he is still getting drunk?. I don't have any access to Al Anon, the closest meeting is 65 miles + away. 

He texted me earlier today saying how he accidentally shot a hole in the ceiling while handling one of his pistols and forgot that he loaded it and how it could have been his head as many times as he held it to it. It really is a crazy situation. Should I involve his family, authorities, someone? I feel he is a danger to himself. I am so distraught. Last conversation we had I told him to leave me alone until he makes getting and staying sober a priority in his life. I told him I loved him and would support him once he made this decision but could not support him while he was still drinking, I told him I couldnt stand by and watch him destroy himself , that I was suffering and needed to distance myself from all this.

what do I do now. I have no support to help me with this. I am worried sick about him and I know he knows he needs to do this he tells me this over and over. He should probably go to a treatment center but cant afford it financially of course., I hope someone on this board reads this and is and can help me understand as to what I need to do to keep my sanity and what mistakes not to make. Please someone, if you have any experience with this ..I need help,,almost as much as he does I believe