Rejection - Al-Anon Family Group

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Rejection

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

I experience something similar Mirandac. It frustrates me but, I do notice that the rejection and hurt are still acute but they don't last for anywhere near as long. I may feel horrible and be unable to function for a day where once it would have been several days or even a week for example, and then I feel as though I reconnect with my HP and my heart warms up again. Do you find it lasts for a shorter time than it once did?

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Mirandac ) and((( Ms, M))) It is all a process and little by little the pain will lift

I found that making an asset listing each day helps . When I begin to feel lost, alone, hurt, betrayed I looked at my asset list and started to really appreciate myself as a person.
Prayers help as well,

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks mel and betty, it is shorter than before.

When ah moves on it triggers it much more. He
Bought a new i phone 6. We have never had a
Smart phone only both have basic plans with
Unlimited minutes.

Stuff like that triggers me or any of his being
dismissive Of my feelings or my status as his wife.

I know we are getting divorced and he has a gf
But my insides arent as smart as my head. We
Have been married for 29 years. It all seems so
Sureal at times. I know i am still in deep grief.

-- Edited by Mirandac on Thursday 26th of February 2015 10:44:26 AM

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Steps 4 and 5 are purging, but they are all about you and not him. If you identify some patterns in your behavior that give you insight, some defects of character that are fueling codependency and destructive thinking and behaving that hurts you, then it may be a relief. Just doing steps 4 and 5 are only building the awareness of character defect patterns and themes that emerged in your life and then sharing them with another person, god, yourself. Steps 6 and 7 are where you take action to really make yourself think and act different so as to stop hurting yourself with old patterns of self-sabotaging behaviors that no longer serve you.

Something to think on Miranda: I know you didn't want this divorce and would have preferred to work on things and for him to grow up and change rather than run off with some other woman and not really face his issues or try to honor his commitment. However, given his behavior and his recent choices: Would you even want him back? At this point, I think you might reframe your thinking to being just as done with him and rejecting his treatment of you such that you are not just being rejected. It's mutual now and that may make you feel like less of a victim. Just hoping...

Mirandac · ~*Service Worker*~

Thanks pink!

I would not want him back at all anymore. What would
I get? I think of him as a bad man and bad husband.
Its not nice but that is what he is Also i think of him as
An evil monster again not nice or very alanon. He is
Sick not much i can do.

I just wish the rejection and hurt button stopped working.
I am emotionally ready for steps four and five. I have my
Workbook to start working on it, now if i could will my brain
in the Right direction.

missmeliss · ~*Service Worker*~

Miranda, I don't know if it is about willing your brain to do anything. If it is, I certainly can't do it.
The ONLY thing that works for me, when I am struggling like that with rejection and pain is stopping and asking my HP, please. Help me still my mind, put your arms around me. Help me be calm.

In a class at my uni the other day they made us do this.

www.donothingfor2minutes.com/

I thought it was cool.

I think, maybe approach those steps when you feel glad to do them instead of miserable and desperate? Ask your HP to guide you to them?

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.