The material presented
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My husband has an addiction to prescription meds. It began with benzodiazepines, which he was successfully weaned from, while missing six months of work. The dependency changed more recently to sleeping meds. He is a high functioning, high profile professional in our community, and no one in his work life has a clue about this. It has caused heartache, despair and a great deal of distrust in our relationship. He currently attends group meetings for narcotics users, but he is the only prescription pill user in the group. I am working through twelve steps for families, in workbook format and plan to attend my first alanon meeting next week. I am working on detaching myself from the co dependent role I have played. I no longer count his pills or check his scripts( I was the one who discovered the usage by doing these things). I sat in a psychiatrists office with him because I found pills that were prescribed by different doctors. The psychiatrist told him that he would die if he did not stop. He has eliminated a toxic friend from his life and talks about healing, but I am hesitant to believe that he will not relapse again. How to I carry on with my healing, without going down the codependent path again, should he relapse?
Welcome Belle, I am so glad that you found us and are planning on attending Al-Anon face-to-face meetings shortly. Recovery for the addict is found in the rooms of AA. DA or NA and because we who live with the disease, are also affected by trying to cope with it, we need a program of recovery as well. Narcotics anonymous also has a support group for families called Nar-Anon. All are based on the 12 steps of recovery, found in Alcoholics Anonymous and support the philosophy and principles outlined there.
I am glad that your partner is seeking recovery and attending meetings. I do understand your fears and concerns regarding the relapse, as I have been there as well. It was explained to me that addiction is a disease over which I am powerless. It is chronic and cannot be cured, but it can be arrested.
Al-Anon offered be tools to let go of the fear and anxiety and replace that with courage, serenity and wisdom and the focus on my own life and my own health.
Please keep coming back here there is hope and help and you are not alone
Aloha Belle and welcome to the board also. Good you found this family. Please keep coming back because the ESH (EXPERIENCE STRENGTH AND HOPE) shared here is solid and very supportive. One of the things that your post brought up for me was coming to the realization that I was married to and living with not just one person but two; my alcoholic/addict and ...my wife. I had a natural affinity to "wife" and didn't know how to live with "alcoholic/addict". I didn't have a manual or instruction book on how to do that so the things I felt, thought and did would not work and I arrived at having to change her so that I could some how verify my own value in the marriage and relationship. I would not arrive at that because early on I was taught that I didn't cause the problem, wasn't able to control it and would never be able to cure it. My alcoholic/addict did the things necessary to be and stay that without talking to me about it and or asking my input. The things she did to practice the disease she did in secrecy and confidence with other drinkers and users. While I drank with her and should to teach her more responsible drinking neither she or I should have been drinking at all. In time I became fully involved in both the drinking and the using and in finding the Al-Anon program I also stopped that addiction. You are married to a respected, honored husband -and- an addict. You have come to understand and that is the best first choice to make...coming to understand mind and mood altering addictions and what it does to both the user and those affected by the user.
I relate to you finding your first Al-Anon meeting because I found mine and it saved my sanity and life. I don't know because you haven't stated the mental and emotional state you are in now...for me I was led to getting in touch with Al-Anon when feeling suicidal. Alcoholism and drug addiction are very often fatal diseases of the mind, body, spirit and emotions which includes those affected without using.
Keep coming back here and staying in touch. Read what the fellowship shares with each other and share what helps you with us. (((((hugs)))))
Going to Alanon or Naranon will really help you find support and stop yourself from reverting back to obsessing, controlling and worrying behaviors over things you are powerless over.
I would also try to remain detached from his program. I don't know why or how he even bothered to tell you he is the "only prescription pill user" in his NA group but I am betting that is 99 percent hogwash because he thinks he is upper class and they are a bunch of junkies. Most heroin users start with abusing pain pills, benzos, and sleep meds. They are all pill addicts probably but have progressed to different things and he probably will to if he doesn't work on recovery.
There are no guarantees with his behavior as stated above. That was the great thing for me is because of Alanon I got to change my behavior. My XAH was a drinker on top of the script pills it was a nightmare is putting it mildly. Alanon put the focus on me and regardless of what my XAH does or doesn't do I try not to allow it to dictate my behavior. I am much happier because of alanon. I forgot how to live and I forgot I actually had choices. I also can identify the behavior that does me more harm than good and I'm actually referring to mine vs his.
Hope you keep coming back and you make some face to face meetings.
Thanks, S :)
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Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism. If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown
"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop
