The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am new to posting on this board. I have attended a couple of online meetings, but have yet to attend a f2f one. Working on that one.
What I need is some insight since I realize my perception tends to be off lately on things. My 26 year old daughter is my A. She was living with me up until November when I basically made her leave because of her out of control drinking. I gave her warning of not drinking in my house but she could not follow that, so she had to leave. She got her own apartment and her drinking got worse until we found her half dead on her floor and took her to the hospital. She has since moved temporarily in with my parents while she attends an outpatient rehab program. She has slipped up once that we know of, but has been doing a lot better for the past 4 weeks or so.
So why is it that I am getting more and more panicked. I know physically she is safe but I can barely breathe now. It makes no sense to me. Maybe I am hoping too much and waiting for the other shoe to drop? I am not sure. Has anyone else felt more anxious after their A stopped drinking, not less?
Yes Pamala, I can certainly identify with the feelings that you express and have been there. Alanon literature refers ot this as irritional fear and dread.
These feelings are the result of living with the insanity of disease of alcoholism and attempting to cope with it in a positive fashion. I do believe that deep down I knew I was powerless over the disease and that tis is why the irrational fear nearly overwhelmed me.
Knowing that alcoholism is a progressive chronic fatal, disease over which we are powerless makes it difficult to accept and live with. Once I finally accepted this deep within, I knew that I had to begin to take care myself in order to maintain my sanity and health.
I'm glad you found Al-Anon meetings in urge you to continue to attend. It is here that I learned to break the isolation caused by the disease and developed positive, constructive tools to live by.
I now live with courage serenity and wisdom and the irrational fear does not overwhelm me.
Welcome to the board Pam and good on you attending online meetings. Any information from recovering members is better than the information the disease installs in our heads. Fear and panic are normal for this disease so what is wrong with you is the disease of alcoholism. Admitting I was powerless over it gave me some power over myself. I let go of the alcoholic/addict wife and son and others and went to get help for myself. Sitting with those who came before us is miracle making stuff just like MIP is here and so I fully encourage you to get around and stick around the program. Solutions are here for you while your daughter is finding solutions for herself whether she can or will stick with them or not. I pray with you that she does. Alcoholism is thousands of years old so we are not dealing with a weekend virus here...this one has been around for a long long time and as the industry intends they will not stop manufacturing, delivering and selling anytime soon no matter who we are or how nasty it gets.
I was born and raised with in the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction and had prominent relatives pass from it before I was born. I am also alcoholic and I know today what that means for me and your daughter. We have an incurable compulsion of the mind to drink and a bodily allergy to it. We desire deeply to drink alcohol and know that our body gets poisoned and disabled when we do and still we do. We are not bad people we are sick people with a incurable very often fatal disease. We need reprogramming. So do our families as they struggle as hard as we do and even worse because they do not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality...So they go thru the insanity wide awake. Not even sane.
Welcome to the board and keep coming back while you find your way into the face to face rooms of the Al-Anon Family Groups. Over time with more experience and practice you will grow even beyond expectations and be able to help others who are not even where you are at now. (((((hugs)))))
If you haven't picked up any of the literature yet,there are several favorites out there. Mine is Courage to Change, but I know that everyone seems to have a fav AlAnon book. There is so much wisdom in the pages! And thank you for showing up here for help, what an incredible step you have taken. I'm still a newbie but I'm loving this board and all the support.
