Hi grateful and thank you, this goes beyond that with severe control issues, I can assume they are probably worse due to age, I started praying last night....thank you for the post.

Hotrod I have tried, she makes it almost impossible for me to do my job. Every time the phone rings she asks me who called, it's not that kind of situation, I wish it was. I am doing the work of three people. I have tried to work around her and it is not possible. There are payroll deadlines and I have lots of requests that have to be done. I am not willing to work 6 days a week, i also make mistakes when I am constantly interrupted.

It has been helpful to me when with people who are operating out of anxiety or fear to simply let them be where they are and to do my best to avoid letting my need to control get in the way of seeing the person with compassion and understanding. That doesn't mean I have to let them walk all over me, but I can choose to do what they ask without argument if they are in a position of authority. I don't have to agree with their way of seeing things but I can still do what they ask because it saves me a lot of grief. If I'm not being asked to do something that is dishonest or hurtful to myself or others, I figure I don't have anything to lose just to do what they ask.

When I first started working here, I had compassion, this person is not my supervisor. When she showed me how to put the toliet paper on the roll in the bathroom and forbade me to take anything out of the microwave early, I knew she was sick. I have addressed this issue with management. They let me hire a student to come in the afternoon and help me. They hung me out to dry with the mother and told me "just to tell her" This is not working.

I can relate a little with this, I work in a dementia wing and people say and do some pretty interesting things employees and residents. I know they are sick and I do not take it personally and I mean both. I have been groped, cursed at, swung at and more, but I always treat them with love and care, because they are sick and can't help it. Having an al-anon program has helped me to not get flustered in the heat of it, because so many people are sick and can't control what they are doing, but I can control how I respond. I don't let the things that happen get under my skin and stay cool and calm and continue doing whatever my current task to the best of my ability. I used to get flustered so easily and never imagined I would be like this in constant insanity. Some of the employees there do take what is yelled at them personally and I can't understand that, but not everyone can detach from sick people and let it go. Someone used to say when it came to their alcoholic they envisioned sick, sick, sick, written on their forehead and that has helped me with some employees who don't seem healthy. I hope this helps and if not do the next right thing for yourself. Sending you love and support!

Great Let us know how it works out

thanks breaking free, continuing to do my task and ignore her along with asking for my own office are the two things I am going to try right now, thanks all and more comments are certainly welcome.

It sounds like there are dynamics (family and medical) here that will not change.  I love my dad and I understand his dementia, yet I could not live or work with him.  It is unfair of the family to not deal with the issues that are making your job difficult, but they probably wont, so your sanity falls within the courage to change the things you can.  I love the idea of the empty office and it wouldn't hurt to stick your toe in the other possibilities for employment, either.  There is not commitment in looking or even interviewing.  Good luck

Thank you all for your support, it means more than you know.

Oh, and maybe a private office would help...then you could lock the door too!

Keeping your eyes on your goals and staying on task, removing yourself from earshot, and ignoring her much like we might ignore a spoiled kid when they keep pushing to get their way on something and we've already said what we mean, meant what we said and not said it mean might be a big help to you in this situation?  Nobody can get my attention if I choose not to give it.  They can't knock me off course if I don't let them.  I've worked with many a difficult person and I've learned they are not in charge of what I do or don't do no matter how snarly or controlling they might be.  Unless they have a gun in their hand and they're pointing it at me, they can become like irritating gnats to me.  If I focus on me and what I want to accomplish, even the gnats' flying about my face or body are no longer noticed by me.  I'm willing to be present only to myself and what I am supposed to be doing.  Drives others crazy sometimes and that's on them.  Not on me.  They go away eventually because they can't get a rise out of me.  They're just not that important.

Keep us posted, sister.

I know how hard it can be to be patient and at the same time keeping your mouth shut so not to disturb the apple cart. I have some problems at my work and got into it with a co-worker last week. I won in the end but it didn't make me feel any better. All I can do it take it one day at a time in hopes things will get better as I apply different tactics and/or just let go.

Hang in there and just give her the look and she might back off

(((( hugs ))))

Thanks glad and everyone who responded. This co worker gave me a message today from the bank that called. She asked me twice if I called the bank back, I just ignored her. Her games continue, I was allowed to hire a student to help me, no one informed her of this new worker, that's because they are just hiding their head in the sand and don't want to deal with her LOL. She is a part time worker and hung around today until the student got there and her son was forced to introduce her. She is slowly being pushed out, but she is 81 and needs to go.....thanks again for all the support, it is much needed. One day at a time and today was good, she won't be there tomorrow.

Another funny story, one of the Electrician Foreman came into the office, he is a long time employee actually a recovering alcoholic and a hoot. She feels like she has to control him as well. So...she shuffled around him, he looked at me and said "well I guess it's better than the alternative" we both got a good laugh. Later she got stuck in the restroom, couldn't get the door open and he went and got the door open. I don't think I am the only one who thinks this old lady should be put out to pasture. It was pretty funny.

I had a thought as I read your request for prayers, Mercedes. It has been helpful to me in situations where I feel some animosity or other forms of distress or dis-ease to ask my HP to help me see the other person as my HP sees them. Sometimes, it is good to refuse to let another person knock me off course when it comes to being myself and doing what is mine to do. Sometimes, it is good to let my HP help me see the other person through new eyes. When I can do that, I sometimes see a whole new way to proceed that is more helpful to me and results in more serenity for me and acceptance of the other person as they are, too.

-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 30th of January 2015 07:16:27 AM

Thanks for the update.  I agree.  The program certainly does work if we work it.

Mercedes, I'm sorry to read that things are going back to status quo with your elderly coworker. It is nice that things seemed to change for a while but as we all know, change takes time and effort and usually just goes back to the way it was quickly.

I do believe exploring that private office for yourself is really your best bet. Working on numbers and taxes requires a quiet environment and asking for that unused office not unreasonable.

Good luck

I am working on the private office. Miss Meliss, I did do that and it backfired, I had her in my face all the time as she is a very lonely woman, I couldn't get anything done, the micromanaging got worse. She is not a team player and views herself as a manager, she manages nothing but none the less, I started getting comments from her such as, "why don't you do that yourself? or Patti used to do that....Patti used to water some plants, I don't have time to do it, so I had to put them outside otherwise grandma would pour water all over the floor and I couldn't get into my work space. The ignoring her is working so far....