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Just arrived home, it's night time, my daughter's birthday today, we get to the front door and middle brother greets daughter at the front door with "get that %^$& dog away from the house, he's not EVER allowed in this house" (we were going to walk him through to the the back yard like we have been doing all week).
I tell him don't swear at my daughter and please move out of the way. He deadlocks the door so we can't get in and screams a lot of F words and "you just think you can do whatever you want". Huh? Then he informs me that I am B...and I should know he's got a "scared to death little cat in here".
Back up a few steps, he has a WHAT? I am paying money for my cat to be looked after because I wasn't even allowed to keep him outside here and feed him from the front yard for a couple of weeks but they have a CAT and it's in my mothers BATHROOM? When she is so deathly allergic to cats that she couldn't even have mine OUTSIDE the house ? Well my brother found a kitten and he wants to keep it and apparently mother has told him that's fine and told him to put it in her bathroom on some towels until it gets used to the place....ok well, that's nice. I tell him, quietly, not to speak to me anymore. I realise, with sudden calmness, that I have had enough of his nonsense and I intend to enforce this boundary, I do not want to communicate with him any more.
Middle brother has been trying to start fights with me for days, picking "controversial" topics (all single mothers are welfare cheats who don't care about their kids, stuff about religion, politics, anything he thinks will enrage me basically) and then getting agitated and nasty when I do not take the bait. He also says some very disgusting and offensive things, mostly about women, when he is drunk and high and I am done with feeling sorry for him and acting as if it doesn't matter. I have been relentlessly polite to him and simply repeat "OK well you're entitled to your opinion". To be honest I was angry for only a few moments tonight and then the absurdity of it just hit me and I thought, you know what? I don't care. I really don't. I agreed to keep my dog outside, when I came here my mother tried to demand that my cat must be destroyed, remember when I said no to that she became enraged and screamed those same words, "you just think you can do whatever you want". Well, perhaps they scream that at each other when I am not here. Who knows? It seems to mean "You wont do what I say and I can't deal with that". I think I do not really care to worry about it any further anyway. No good can come from trying to make sense of their crazy.
So the oldest brother (9 years my junior) (who came into my room and daughters room the other night screaming and swearing that we had touched his toothbrushes) sent me a text before ordering me to go and pick him up from somewhere. I replied with "no" and left it at that. I had typed "no, sorry" but I erased the sorry. Why would I be sorry? I owe him neither apology nor explanation.
And now I have 1-2-3 breathed and I haven't engaged with any of it, and now I think it is time to plug in my massage chair and foot tapper and enjoy my serenity and not worry about what they say or think or do, because as I have come to love saying, not my circus, not my monkeys. I move out of this house in about 36 hours, and I think I have learned a lot in my 9 days here. Or more correctly, I have let go of a lot. I'm different, I can't respond to the dynamics here in a way that makes anyone comfortable and I'm taking that as a good sign. For years I have turned myself inside out trying to have a relationship with my parents and siblings. I think I am not going to communicate with them anymore, and I think I am quite fine with that and not hurt, angry or upset. Just ready to let it go. I will go back to the old way of only meeting my mother on neutral ground for lunch or shopping once in a while and leave it there. I think I just feel relieved to realise there's no way for me to get along with these people unless I go back to being a whinging, self-hating doormat and that's not gonna happen so, time to move on.
Yay!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Sunday 25th of January 2015 07:56:23 AM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Well done mel, your a lion now, not a monkey, the monkeys are nuts or bananas, whichever, your no longer as sick as them so when you dont respond with sickness they are left feeling very uncomfortable with momentary realisation that hey im acting crazy and thats not a happy, crazy familiar feeling and i dont like it and it was you that caused it because to really see for one moment that maybe its me is just too complex and painful and very difficult.
Your free, physically and mentally. To fit in and be liked is far too costly for your new found serenity. You might be heading towards tha lovely land of forgiveness and compassion and theres more freedom in that too.x
Oh I like that image el-cee, I'm a lion lying on a warm beach while the monkeys scream in the jungle LOL, I think I might try to visualise that when someone starts up at me again, it's a good one
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
Another thought, it could be when one is acting crazy we need the other person to mirror that behaviour for it be acceptable. You responding with ration, calm, sanity may have hi5 a nerve, you never know, your example might get some changes going in your family.x
J I have let go of a lot. I'm different, I can't respond to the dynamics here in a way that makes anyone comfortable and I'm taking that as a good sign. For years I have turned myself inside out trying to have a relationship with my parents and siblings. I think I am not going to communicate with them anymore, and I think I am quite fine with that and not hurt, angry or upset. Just ready to let it go. I will go back to the old way of only meeting my mother on neutral ground for lunch or shopping once in a while and leave it there. I think I just feel relieved to realise there's no way for me to get along with these people unless I go back to being a whinging, self-hating doormat and that's not gonna happen so, time to move on.
Yay!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Sunday 25th of January 2015 07:56:23 AM
YAY from me too Melly.
I am so impressed at how you have used this negative challenging experience to practice your program tools , and have evidently come out changed, stronger and wiser. Thank you for showing us "How it Works if You Work it". You have come a long way!!! Congrats.
Brother's girlfriend appears to be the reason for his sudden interest in kitten rescue. She's been in the bathroom with the tiny lttle guy all night. He's far too young to be away from his mother and is infested with all of the usual nasties in including a LOT of fleas for such a tiny baby. Anyway I like brother's girlfriend and I like cats, so before I start packing today for my big move tomorrow, I am going to walk my dog to the supermarket and get some kitten debugging supplies so she can give him a bath and get him healthy. She thinks she is going to have him as a pet and keep him at my mothers house. NOT MY CIRCUS!!!!!! I don't think she has the money for a vet.
And I will buy some kitty milk because they were trying to give him people milk
Photo to follow
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
How could I not Betty, look at him, he's an adorabubble. Huge feet too, and a good loud squeak for such a tiny cat, I think he's a survivor and he'll be fine. As soon as he saw me he climbed up my leg and onto my shoulder. Teehee so cute!! Please don't look a my sunburnt face and morning hair lol.
Anyway he has gone now, mother apparently had a change of heart and went beserk telling brother that she's coming home fro the beach NOW and the cat had BETTER BE GONE BY THE TIME SHE GETS HERE.
Brother's girlfriend came down to tell me almost in tears asking me "why is it a big deal when she has an inside dog that sleeps on her bed? And why is your dog outside? Why is she allergic to your dog and not her dog? Whats WRONG with your mother?" I shrug, what can i say to that really. Anyway she has taken (Charlie/Strax/Mr Kitty?) back to her mother's house where he will now live and be cared for by her mother who likes kitties. Anyway I'm rambling, sorry, and the bottom line is he's gone to a loving home and all's well that ends well
Now I guess it's time to stop with the internet and kitties and go pack up all of my stuff for the big move tomorrow. Hopefully the last move I will make for a good long time!!!!!
-- Edited by missmeliss on Sunday 25th of January 2015 08:54:26 PM
__________________
If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn't be. And what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? (Lewis Caroll)
