on December 8th when I drug myself to the clinic hardly able to walk...needed help in the clinic to get around and to get up on the table, etc., for my exam, and finally got that shot in the muscle to put me out of my pain, the doctor while examining me said that that was one of the worst lower back muscle seizures he saw and that most likely i tore part of the muscle and scarring will occur afterwards and he said that  I MAY be limited some on my mobility....that my range of motion would not be as good on my left side which is the bad side.......I was not surprised but just grateful to be out of pain....I got feedback from him,  the nurse, people i know in therapy business  all feedback how do i "Come back as good as I can???" I googled, asked everyone who knew about trigger points, muscles, etc.....Because I was gonna accept limited agility without a hell of a fight...

I also did the Serenity prayer and asked HP within if I am to be limited in my agility, please give me the peace to accept it.....If i am to come back, please give me the guts to go through the exercise program I am going to impose on me  and to be able to stand the pain of the stretching and exercising b/c I am gonna "give this a hell of a fight"

So...Each day, I would arise...get out my resistance bands and I would stretch and stretch...Easy does it at first and do a a bit more each few days as my strength and healing improved.....then those awful core, buttock and lower back and leg muscle exercises to strengthen  (in my mind I am thinking at best i can get strong enough so as to prevent a horrific injury like this again)  but also in my mind there is that part of me that says

DONT TELL ME I CANT!!!!!  

so every day, w/out fail i would do those exercises...minimum 30 minutes each day ...and then the cardio.....i would go to the gym and do the stretching in the pool and in the jacuzzi,   stretch and more stretching.....load bearing exercises and the muscles from my mid rip down.....also of course my arms, triceps, pecs, biceps...upper back.....hell i worked my entire body...why not?? if i am gonna hurt, may as well be ALL of me....

now its January 24th, nearly 2 months since....and today i am in the pool and i am doing my "routine"  practicing my strokes, doing my fun thing of swimming and i notice more power, especially doing the side stroke, I am noticing that each time I woudl visit, I felt more agile, more mobile.....good news....I practiced every swim stroke I know...over hand, Australian craw, side stroke both sides, back swimming, dog paddle...All of them to work my muscles...under and above water....a good hour or so...

I get into the jacuzzi , afterward, and I am just relaxing, stretching, etc., and I got on the side step thingy where you sit and enjoy the water, and bc there was only one other person in the hot tub, i decided to try something......

i did some stretches and the usual and then i thought "i wonder if i can do the banana split???"  you know where you put one foot forward and you stretch it out as the other foot is back and you touch the floor w/your bottom parts...Well....I tried it....I nearly went all the way...just a few inches from touching bottom, on BOTH sides...

I didn't push it, but I did it on BOTH sides....TWICE.....i got up....no pain in my hips or anywhere else, this lady is in the jacuzzi and shes watching me with her mouth open b/c she obviously knew what i was doing and i think she was kinda grimacing....but I was FINE!!!

i got back into pool and swam a bit more,  got out, took my shower and I honestly am improving on that bad side....i can sit indian style with my legs crossed...no pain...I can hardly tell any difference between the injured/bad side and the good side....

AND when I go to work, i can sit at the desk and work and , yea, i get up and stretch standing up , then do a few squats, but i can work and NO PAIN after work....

I guess what i am saying is that the spirit can triumph over a lot of things...yea, I am only a little lady/human being ...I am not my  maker...i am only human, but I didn't give up on me....my injury....my recovery.....

AND I will NOT give up trying to love me and treat me with genteel and loving kindness...i am practicing it and I am also practicing slowing down....Not to rush like some wise soul said on my "throwing in the towel post"  i can SLOW down, there is NO RUSH as I have the rest of my life....and It sank inside of me...that statement...it hit me!!!!!

I am lying here in bed after a vigorous swim which was after my physio therapy I do each day and I feel GREAT!!!!   loose...agile....i can lie on my back and touch my head with BOTH feet...and it does not hurt

So DONT GIVE UP....not unless your voice within tells you...prompts you...and you will know....I never got any prompt but to "keep going" ....yea, it was painful in the beginning.....but I did it anyway......I have had pain, mentally , emotionally, and physically all my life....I have now, thru recovery,  learned to "play through my pain"   NOW, with al-anon teachings, I can also find fun and I have some hope!!!!!! AND any pain I feel now, since recovery is *productive* pain...Not the hard, unrewarding pain of the past......

JUST SAYIN!!!!!