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Post Info TOPIC: New Wife - Boundaries


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:
New Wife - Boundaries


I already know what I'm going to do .. lol .. I guess I just need to read it and think for a min about it. 

My children are on her insurance now, I don't care I'm just glad they finally have insurance.  Honestly it costs her nothing more so it's all good.  XAH has insurance however not under her policy.  So he has his own policy.

Once again my boundaries have been trampled on and I feel disrespected because I'm talking and the X is not listening and I'm absolutely positive this poor new wife knows nothing about this.  I came home Thursday night to an open envelope in my mailbox with the wrong address on it which means it was not mailed .. once again he has gone and stuck his hand in my mailbox.  This IS a big issue to me because it absolutely screams I will do what I want regardless of what you think or want.  Without getting to graphic .. at the end of our relationship there was definitely sexual abuse happening as in I said no and he kept going.  I feel unsafe when I say no to him because obviously .. he doesn't listen and I wind up hurt either physically or emotionally. 

Anyway I'm getting side tracked .. my point .. my point is this, she reached out to me and said if there were questions about the kids health insurance to reach out to her.  I had a short conversation with my sponsor and I believe that addressing the boundary issue with her (obviously not talking about the sex stuff), the fact that his behavior and continued disrespect of the boundaries I have in place.  I do plan on sticking to the facts and advising her of the parenting plan in place as well as the no contact order which obviously he still is not respecting. 

This woman works in HR there is NO WAY she came to my house and placed things in my mailbox especially open items.  The fact is he has my correct address however has NOT updated it out of the alcoholic mind set .. it's inconvenient for him.  This is why I continue to get things IN my mailbox that are open and unmailed.  I'm sure she told him to mail this and he just didn't. 

They are now using her to get around the no contact stuff and that's another thing that won't fly.  I will gladly discuss insurance with her however the fact is he never told me he was getting married he used the kids to relay information that will not happen again.  Things to do with the kids will need to come from him .. things to do with insurance can come from her .. it's her plan. 

I think I just need to organize my thoughts so I stick to the subject and stick to the facts.  My sponsor did agree that we do need to meet and meeting with out him which I doubt will happen .. needs to happen .. I will be curious how this all works out.

Hugs S :)

 



__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:

I don't know, Serenity. In reading this and if I'm understanding what you are trying to convey, I really don't see a reason why you'd have to talk over the insurance coverage for the kids that is under her policy and he is their father. My x and I both carried the kids on our insurance plans although he was primarily responsible for their medical bills per the courts. I'd give the doctors and hospitals both insurance cards - he had to give it to me or be in violation of the court order - and I let the insurance company sort out who paid first. I didn't talk things over with him about any of their medical needs because it would have gone round and round in circles. I also did not discuss their medical needs with his new wife - who didn't last very long in that marriage anyway. When insurance rules changed and my son lived with his Dad, I could no longer carry him on my insurance plan because he was in a different state and living with his father. His father also couldn't carry my daughter on his insurance plan anymore even though the court had determined years earlier that he was primarily responsible for her coverage.

I know you know what you want to do, but I find myself wondering if it is really necessary? I would think just a copy of the insurance card and the policy as the custodial parent would be enough? Given that insurance companies have changed their plans and HIPPA applies, I also don't see how she can carry them on her plan since she has no legal authority to give permission for treatment and they don't live with them? Strange arrangement to me.

As an after thought, those might be your questions, too, and that is why you are seeing a need to meet? 



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 24th of January 2015 11:36:56 AM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3496
Date:

There are a few things happening here .. I want to fully understand what is going on and the points that you brought up .. she is not legally allowed to give permission as they are not her kids. Now she is carrying my X on her plan as well so I don't know. I am going to need to talk to my atty regarding this issue because of the way the parenting agreement is written. I do want to let her know them by passing the no contact order by having her name on things isn't going to fly .. so I'm very curious as to what the judge will think of this as well. Once again a simple situation has been made very complex because of the fact she is unaware of the parenting agreement and unaware of the fact that I have sole custody. Being an HR person I will be curious to see her reactions regarding this .. the reality is this .. she's my kids step mother and I should meet her and even the judge's in our area agree as I have spoken to people dealing with these kinds of situations .. the fact I have not met her or she me is NOT ok. It is NOT healthy and it is NOT a positive thing for the kids. If we are going to have some kind of relationship dysfunctional or preferably being able to move in a more positive way. We will need to be aware of each other.

I don't know if that makes sense .. and I won't lie I'm curious to see the level of dysfunction that is going on as far as co-dependency as well.

__________________

Faith minus vulnerability and mystery equals extremism.  If you've got all the answers, then don't call what you do "faith". - Brene Brown

"Whatever truth you own doesn't own you" - Gary John Bishop



~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 687
Date:

I don't know if I understood you but I thought maybe you were saying that she was in Human Resources at her work so therefore she should have reasoning skills enough not to intrude or behave inappropriately. In my experience people can have very good jobs, higher education and still no manners or good judgement. Just in case that's what you meant. Just saying...

 



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~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 7576
Date:

I giggled when I read your last paragraph. Makes you so human to me, Serenity, probably because I'm human, too.

I did meet my x's quality girlfriends and his wife to be at first and then his wife and then his ex-wife. We really all did respect and like each other and were very supportive of my children together. I've said this in other posts, too. So......moving on.

I hope you and she can forge a relationship that is mutually supportive of your kids, too, if that is what you want.

__________________

"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig

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