The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I remember being all obsessed with the alcoholic and going on and on about how he was doing and someone saying to me, ok but how are YOU doing? ...That really sat be back a bit.. like a "cow looking at a new gate" is what we might say here in Texas.
What did that mean "How was I doing" I'm not supposed to think about that when someone else obviously needs me to be miserable for them.
It kinda made me mad in a way,,, as if they were dismissing how incredibly important it was for me to be all torn up for the other person.
I knew in my brain this was backwards thinking but my heart was telling me all those crazy lies.
The heart is deceitful above all things..so is this disease.
Ahhhhhhhh, what I would have done for a time of someone asking me how I was doing back in those days. I might have remembered there was a me to check in on. I was so focused on my husband and kids, I forgot there was a person who was equally important in our family and deserved as much attention and care as the others.
I can also relate to how deceptive the disease can be when we aren't aware of its sometimes sneaky and subtle maneuvers and manipulations. I've been tripped up many times by it and the most I can hope for is recognizing that I won't be as tripped up as often by it if I stay the course and keep the focus on me by checking in on how I'm thinking and feeling and the reason for it.
Thanks for the thread, glad. Made me think. Anddddddddddd....it taught me a new phrase: "like a cow looking at a new gate."
This reminds me of one of my first meetings.I was on the brink of tears and one of the women looked at me and said,''you know it is okay for you to be happy,regardless of what other people are doing'' hmm.That was a new thought.I love new thoughts.
Love that phrase like a cow looking at a new gate. Great thought provoking post. Believing that someone else needs me to be miserable for them!! Trying to start my day with myself first. How am I feeling today vs my A.
For me it was the freedom of not feeding into the misery. The misery was what AH wants in order to justify the drinking. I have learned to love myself and detach with love from him. Yes, Glad, the disease is very deceitful!
__________________
"Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it
does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown
I love those aha moments;) I would have been upset too...I just wanted to talk about him or someone else. It was too painful to think or talk about how I was doing or feeling. I remember I called my old sponsor once and she said pretty much the same. Let's talk about you and what you are going to do about your situation. She flat out told me she didn't want to talk about them. Lol. She was amazing sponsor;) she moved away and I miss her.
__________________
I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
I remember being all obsessed with the alcoholic and going on and on about how he was doing and someone saying to me, ok but how are YOU doing? ...That really sat be back a bit.. like a "cow looking at a new gate" is what we might say here in Texas.
What did that mean "How was I doing" I'm not supposed to think about that when someone else obviously needs me to be miserable for them.
It kinda made me mad in a way,,, as if they were dismissing how incredibly important it was for me to be all torn up for the other person.
Thank you, glad. This is what I needed to hear today. I have had a few "cow looking at a new gate" moments lately. Thinking about myself feels very unnatural, but ya' know.....it also feels a little bit good! (giggle).
Yeah I remember feeling like this too. All my focus was on him and how he was doing. My identity and purpose was all wrapped up in his successes or failures. After all wasn't he the one who needed help? Was there any one better to help him? Wasn't that what loving wives did? Thank you, Alanon for teaching me a new way to live and helping me to focus on my own recovery. Thanks for sharing your es&h, Glad. TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
