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Post Info TOPIC: Overview of C2C and ODAT Reading 1-24


~*Service Worker*~

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Overview of C2C and ODAT Reading 1-24


C2C January 24  is a powerful page that reflects on the topic of  Feelings.  It stresses the importance of really  feeling our feelings and   not pretending.  It suggests that we learn how to be honest with ourselves and stop trying to fit into someone else mold. 
 
It asos points out that   Al-Anon doesn't tell us how to behave it does not legislate right or wrong but it does encourage us to look searchingly and fearlessly at ourselves, our feelings and motives and our actions. Once we learn to see ourselves as we are  we will   learn to love ourselves.
 
 The reminder is I have a right to want what I want and feel the way I feel. I do not have to act on those feelings but I do not have to hide them from myself as they are part of me.
 
The quote is from William Shakespeare"This above all to thine own self be true"
 
When I first entered program, I found this concept to be a bit confusing.-- Being told to "feel my feelings" own them to myself, not react to them ,and  that  they were not a fact--- was confusing.   
 
It was suggested that in order to learn form the feelings   that I had to process them, trace them as to why I feel the way I do and then to take appropriate action.  .If I continued to stuff them, as I had in the past, deny them and pretend,  I would continue to build anger, resentment self pity and fear deep within.  The slogan act do not react became very clear
 
The real problem that I uncovered was that I believed my feelings were facts!!! If I was angry and resentful toward somebody that I loved, I thought that destroyed the relationship and I did not know what to do with the feelings. Al-Anon gave me a process by being able to own the feeling, trace them deep within, find my part in the situation and then respond accordingly.  What a gift.
 
ODAT Re emphasizes that alcoholism is a dreadful disease and that anger, and arguments cannot fix or heal a disease.
 
 
It points out that letting go of  these negative tools and expressing compassion and empathy  might not fix the disease  but we will be more peaceful in  the process and new solution surface.
 
The reminder is that hostile behavior on our part can add fuel  to the fire that can destroy us both.
Powerful reflection 


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


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Thank you for this - I just copied and pasted these articles in my "notebook of stuff to remember". It was exactly what I needed to hear today! I am learning to PAUSE, and this is huge for me... I'm trying to pause before I speak, act or react. I never realized what a ball of crazy emotions I was!

Your part about "angry and resentful" was very powerful to me as well...I find myself doing well in my program and then something will happen and I can start spinning back into bad habits...I have noticed I am thoughtful about this now, so I don't actually go back as easily...I can kind of talk myself down and pray to my HP. Sometimes though ! I do wonder if I can live this life long term. (Being married to an A)

Thank you for your words today!

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~*Service Worker*~

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Good stuff here, Betty. Thanks for posting from each reader and for your shares.  One of the ways I hurt myself in relationships was to deny how I was truly thinking and feeling if those thoughts and feelings were difficult and challenging for me.  I wouldn't say what was true for me in relationship with another person because I always feared the relationship would end.  I had been taught to compartmentalize my thoughts and feelings into good/bad and never to share "the bad ones."  Trouble with that for me was that only parts of me showed up in relationship and not all of me.  Learning to say what is true for me utilizing "I" talk with people I care about has been a challenging process.  I notice, however, that I am much more at peace within myself when I do.  I'm not hiding anything.  I'm being true to myself.  I also welcome that from others in relationship with me.  Saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean has been a stress reducer for me when I'm doing that because I need to express myself openly and honestly and not to control, fix or change another person.  I've gotten much better at trusting that if I'm open and honest about my own thoughts and feelings - even the more challenging ones - with a person I care about - I've done what I've needed to do for me.  I can live with myself that way. 

As an example - I recently had a conversation with my daughter with each of us expressing how we truly thought and felt about an issue.  We discovered we just couldn't agree and yet we could both be okay with the other's position on the issue.  My daughter said:  "Mom, I just love how we can be so honest with each other."  That truly is due to the program work I have done in the fellowship and with thanks to good sponsors.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 24th of January 2015 10:19:14 AM



-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 24th of January 2015 10:27:29 AM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig

PP


~*Service Worker*~

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Through al anon meetings and this forum I have learned to listen to my feelings and listen to others feelings as well.  In my heart I know there is no right or wrong anywhere, with anyone regarding feelings.  I, too, learned to primarily share the emotions of anger...it was safe in my home to share anger.  I grew up thinking I was lucky to have such an emotionally expressive family.  Then I began to see there were other emotions that existed....who knew?  Once those began to surface and could be accepted by me, it was like being given that 64 box of crayola crayons I coveted as a childsmile



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Paula



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Grateful you summed it up perfectly!!  I have learned that for me, "Saying what I mean, meaning what I say and not saying it mean", has been the most valuable change to have occurred in my practice of putting feelings into perspective. Betty, I feel as though, because I say what I mean, mean what I say and not say it mean, that I have found me!!  I no longer worry or fear that I will be hurt or that I will hurt others feelings, which was a very real  problem for me all my life.



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 "Forgiveness doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it

does prevent bad behavior from destroying your heart". ~ unknown

Debbie



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Wonderful :) thank you so much Betty for your service to this board and sharing ;) wow that reading in courage to change. Gosh when I first came in to the program I was such a shell of myself, if my significant other asked me what I wanted, I would have said I don't know what would you like. I had no idea who I was or what I liked but I knew what I didn't like(lol).I often carried around the heavy baggage of resentment because I expected him to be a seer and read my mind and provide for my wants and needs. I would stuff it for long periods of time until it reached a boiling point and then I would take his inventory and inform him of all the ways he needed to change to make me " happy". So I had no idea how to channel my feelings,and my thoughts were so skewed from growing up around codependency and alcoholism that I have had to take a look (ongoing) at the way I thought in general and how often my thinking had hurt me in the past. I learned how to reason my thinking and my feelings out with someone in the program rather than attempting to understand or reason it out with my significant other or family members. I also learned it is near impossible for me to understand others completely and that if I tried to fill in the blanks most of the time I filled in those blanks with stinking thinking. I also learned self care and that being me is ok. If I need to step away and take a nap, read or take a walk that's ok. I don't have to dance around others dreams anymore, I have my own and today that dream for me is the peace and serenity in my life by using the tools of the program;)
The odat wow ... Looking realistically at the people in my life, myself included ,that have been affected by the disease. Attempting to look through the eyes of gratitude instead of the glasses of disdain that I learned to lol through. In that reading what struck me is keeping the focus on myself, my motives, my behavior, attempting to act as principled as possible.... If nothing else by keeping the focus on myself, being kind, and understanding we have all been affected by the disease in one way or another..I will have inner peace and serenity. I do believe in miracles and I believe in this program... I have heard about so many miracles and I have had some myself ;)

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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive 



~*Service Worker*~

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Thanks everyone for identifying with the readings and sharing your thoughts. I agree that sharing on Alanon CAL helps to start the day with positive program reinforcement.

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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud
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