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Post Info TOPIC: Huntsville's Finest


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Huntsville's Finest


So... here in the nice city of Huntsville, wife came home TRASHED. A nasty fight broke out.  She attacked me.  Cops were called... twice in one night.

5 kids.  Was pregnant with twins but cancer recently took them from her.

Huge alcoholic wife.  2 dui's.  Whatever. Cops didn't believe anything about the attack b/c well.. she wasn't bruised and neither was I.  But that's only bc I didn't let her beat the crap out of me and I remember enough from my younger days (I'm 41) to avoid / block without hurting her.

Some alcoholics just... never quit until they are locked up for killing someone.

So... time to decide here sleeping on the cop-appointed couch while she fills the 5 kids (8,7,4,3, and 2 -- yes, the biology is a bit weird, but I saw every one come out of her, they're all hers and look like me so I guess we make quick babies).  So, time to decide here while she fills the kids upstairs with "Daddy's trying to get mom taken away" (she's on probation and isn't supposed to be drinking).  Still, nothing came up when tehy scanned her. Brilliant work, Huntsville, brilliant.  Frankly that exceeded my expectations.

So ... the rambling decision placed here for all the world to read in my cowardly anonymity is do I just take the bus back home to mom (only place I can really go and have a roof over my head while I find an apartment - and I work from home so I can work anywhere with an internet connection).  So, do I leave or stay...

Probably just leaving at thispoint. Leaving her with the kids.  She'll miss probation drug tests after I'm out b/c she'll drink herself senseless. Then she'll get evicted from the house when the rent doesn't get paid.  And at that point I'll hear from the SS and they'll either put my 5 babies in some rapist's house for foster care or they'll at a minimum separate them all into different homes and I'll never see them again. Unless she kills one of them or herself in a drunken bash or even more likely someone else when she getts her license back in about a year.

or...

 

plan b.

 

get one of those $180/week hotel room deals (decent place) and wait it out in town and see if she comes to her senses.

 

There's a special place in hell for some alcoholics but honestly I don't think that's where mine is going.  She's truly powerless over booze.  Every time she takes a cab (our car is trashed b/c of the last dUi when she wrecked it) anywhere she comes home trashed.  Every time.  SHe actually blew 0.222 tonight. I mean, she is REALLY powerless over alcohol.  Which means she drinks every chance she gets.

Probably just going to do about 2 weeks in a hotel locally.. and wait and see how she handles flying solo with 5 kids.

 

 



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~*Service Worker*~

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I hope you have an Al-Anon meeting to help you out in this very difficult and challenging situation.  To me it also seems wise to retain a lawyer. 

I don't think it would be wise or responsible to leave kids in that situation with a alcoholic deep in the disease like that, most particularly kids that young.  If they were teenagers it might (might) be safer.  But alcoholics are entirely capable of killing a kid by accident or through neglect.  Could you live with yourself if that happened?  How would the rest of the kids grow up knowing that had happened?

It may be tempting to think, "Well, I'll leave her with the kids and whatever happens will be her fault!" or "Then people will see the problem!" or many other thoughts I bet many of us have tried out.  But those kids need someone responsible to protect them.

I hope you'll get support and professional advice.  No one can be around alcoholism without being sucked into the whirlwind. Please take good care of yourself and those children.



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~*Service Worker*~

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It could be time to end the pity party. Theres two unborn babies dead and now your talking about the possibility of another one dying. The time is now for you to do the right thing here for your children, your an adult and its up to you to make sure your children are safe. If its not possible for you to take them to be safe with you the n maybe they would be better with foster parents. Alcoholics dont make good parents, your wife sounds lost to her disease. Its an awful situation for everyone. You will need help and support too. If you can get to a meeting and start your own recovery you will feel mush better, no situation is too difficult to be bettered.

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write your congress men if you want me to be able to take the kids. Very simply: she's on the lease, she won't leave, she attacked me in front of all 5 of the kids.

I can't exactly take the kids in the car and go (its broken and probably being repossessed soon thanks to her latest dui - with one of teh kids in the car).

I'm probably going to try some alanon when I get a car. At least until she drinks herself to death. I give it maybe a month. she's either going to sink or swim.

Its a very sad situation. Yes, 2 dead kids already, probably in part b/c of her boozing it every 2 weeks. But when i move out later this morning, she's going to have the house all to herself and she can drink to her heart's content. She'll be dead in 2 weeks.

"Aw, why don't you just get her committed!"

Umm... it doesn't work like that. You can't just call an ambulance for someone and get them comitted to the psych hospital. nor is that effective. Last time (3 years ago) she was abusing sleeping pills and booze at the same time. the diphenhydramine TRASHED her kidneys. She was taking 1000 mg (that's not a type-o - normal dose is 25-50) a DAY for weeks. So she has crap kidneys now and she's almost 27.

not much else to do but leave. I can't have her attacking me in front of the kids and saying things like, "Did you see daddy hitting mommy?" "Stay away from daddy, he's mad and he might hurt you." etc. etc.

that's what escalated teh fight to the point where cops were called.

Ya'll know these stories. Honestly I don't know why I post them. Its like reading the same book over and over again hoping for a different ending.


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~*Service Worker*~

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Its okay to post here and let it out. Living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us. Alanon will help you and i turn help your kids.

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~*Service Worker*~

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Don't have time to respond much AW, but would like to say the odds of the kids going to foster care are low because Social Services would look to you before out of home placement. The most it would likely be would be temporary until the kids were placed back with you. I don't know the right thing to do here and it's hard to know when so many kids are involved. I can see how letting her flop completely might be necessary but it's so scary and gut wrenching to think what would happen to the kids in that instance.

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~*Service Worker*~

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(((AW))) This is a dreadful situation !!! This disease is relentless and I understand your predicament.

Taking care of yourself (whatever that looks like) is crucial so that the children can be safe and secure.

On line meetings here can offer you support as you attempt to find a solution
Prayers an positive thoughts for your entire family


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Betty

THE HIGHEST FORM OF WISDOM IS KINDNESS

Talmud


~*Service Worker*~

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Heartfelt prayers for all of you.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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el-cee wrote:

It could be time to end the pity party. Theres two unborn babies dead and now your talking about the possibility of another one dying. The time is now for you to do the right thing here for your children, your an adult and its up to you to make sure your children are safe. If its not possible for you to take them to be safe with you the n maybe they would be better with foster parents. Alcoholics dont make good parents, your wife sounds lost to her disease. Its an awful situation for everyone. You will need help and support too. If you can get to a meeting and start your own recovery you will feel mush better, no situation is too difficult to be bettered.


 I agree...Vent and get it out, but THEN, time is of the essence here....WHAT to do to save the remaining children....they have NO chance w/out you......I urge you to attend as many al-anon meets as there are days AND while dong that, I would contact an atty to get those kids away from this dangerous woman and into our custody.....NO!!! its not gonna be easy, but you made those children, and you owe them their safety....

I feel for ya, with this hard situation, but you kept making children w/her, when you knew she was drinker, and now its time to fix this...b4 anymore children die or suffer injury......

She will get progressively worse, w/out AA  and u r right, she will drink herself to death , perhaps...for sure she will die if she does not arrest drinking though AA......

There is nothing that cannot be fixed when one applies themselves and reaches out to all help possible.....pinkchip is right....the child protection will try to aid YOU first b4 kids are placed in foster homes...AND if you are temporarily unable, they may be in homes until YOU their FATHER an care for them...

I urge you to contact a domestic violence shelter for guidance...they help men w/children who are victimized as well....they can give you some guidance....

Time to get to work on you, saving those children......we are here in SUPPORT but YOU have to do the work.....Those babies need you....



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 



~*Service Worker*~

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sounds awful. Why cant you take the kids?? she is unsafe to take care of them. you are the stable one. not her. how about taking the kids to that hotel with you for a few weeks? take it one day at a time, thats what i had to do. dont worry about the future too much. just do what you need to do now. keep the kids safe and away from her. i just saw your post about the car issue. can you find another car to borrow or rent?? there has to be a way. or have a friend take u and the kids to the hotel. and i am so sorry about the loss of your twins. 



-- Edited by Newlife girl on Saturday 24th of January 2015 03:02:26 PM

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Living life one step at a time



~*Service Worker*~

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Maybe if your Mom is willing, you and the children can go to stay with her for a bit? Just until you can get your sea legs back? I know that going home to get in touch with my roots again with my children in tow for a very short time was always strengthening for me and helped me get a new perspective on my life and the changes I needed to make that would be better for me and for my children.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



~*Service Worker*~

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Whatever you decide, I hope you don't leave her with the kids.

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PP


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How can we help you?



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Paula



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Newlife girl wrote:

Whatever you decide, I hope you don't leave her with the kids.


 AMEN!!!!!!  Those children are at very bad risk for being injured, even killed....I know...was there when i was a chlld

i got tossed out a 2nd story house....I am on my rocking chair, gazing out the window at the beautiful lilac bushes and someone came up behind me and out the window i flew....thank god those lilac bushes broke my fall....to this day i am horrified re: heights....oh yea, if they don't kill ya they scar ya for life........JUST saying



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~*Service Worker*~

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Hello AW, welcome back. I'm so sorry to hear about the twins, you have my deepest sympathies. I hope you are able to find Al-Anon meetings near you, learning how to detach from my ex's drama was a key ingredient to my recovery. Again, so sorry about the babies; I hope you find a path that works for you and your family.

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I am strong in the broken places. ~ Unknown All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another! ~ Anatole France


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Hi AW,

You mention a number of times what you can and can't do legally. How do you know this? Why not get a lawyer yourself? People get lawyers to keep themselves out of jail, but they also get them to see what can be done within framework of the law. YOu might find all kinds of orders can be filed against her, forcing her out. Who knows?

Or, right now, what is keeping you from taking your kids to the motel? I know many women who have waited for the next time their spouse was passed out, then take the kids and get the heck out. No forwarding address, no contact. My wife has personally helped a woman do this, moved friend out in dark of night while husband was passed out. Nobody was prosecuted in this case. The preponderance of evidence was against the husband since he had a DUI.

I am so sorry about the death of your twins. I hope you can save all the other little ones. You are apparently the only person on this planet that can do it.

Good luck, and keep coming back here
Kenny

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People do what they want to do. You will do what you WANT to do today!

Sounds like to me you want to leave the kids with her and run away.

Nothing to blame you for if your at the end of yourself and need help. ALOT to blame you for if you leave those kids there with her, legally you are responsible for their safety and you would be leaving them in an unsafe home.

Call social services, explain the fact as they are (even if some of them place you in a negative light too) tell them you want what is best for your kids and if you mean that they will be ok! Most likely they will offer some help and do everything possible to keep kids with you. By the way do you have any friends or family that can help?

I have a lot of first hand experience with the social service system for children in Texas. If your a horrible person who will NOT change yes, they will eventually loose contact with you- but you will be given lots and lots of help and lots of time to change your circumstances.

IF you don't they will be better off in foster care!

Don't lie and say you want what's best for them and then leave them with her, or don't blame "Huntsville's finest" .. you may just be over stressed when your talking as you are and maybe you just need some time to get your head together.

CALL for help, if you can find this board you can find the number for child protective services online.

NOT all foster care homes are bad, none are rapist that I ever knew of-  none are as good as a loving in tact natural family but you don't have that either right now.

A shelter for abused women might also have some suggestions? I don't know about that but it would be a great place to start.

I scares me for you to say you will just leave and go to one of those hotels for  few weeks, that is exactly what my ex alcoholic man would do when he felt overwhelmed and exactly what his alcoholic mother would do when someone in her family behaved in away she didn't like or called her on her responsibilities. I never understood that at all, but I've not been in their or YOUR shoes! NO one has which is why we offer support along with strong words of best hopes for your children.

In your defense I also know a lot of men who "work" jobs that allow them to be gone a lot simply because the kids are just too much to take. Be honest, there is nothing wrong with admitting you can not deal with 5 small children (couldn't do it) it's not okay to just leave them.. that is horrible for everyone involved even you!

Abandonment will hurt them just as much as your wife saying all that horrible stuff about daddy getting mommy taken away, also abandonment related.. these kids sound like they have zero chance of being healthy and happy right now.

Please keep coming back here, we all care how YOU are doing regardless of what happens with your wife and children. We know first hand how living with an alcoholic is just too much, and can cause so much emotional pain that we are not ourselves!!

NO judgment for that or anything else, prayers and support!

 



-- Edited by glad on Sunday 25th of January 2015 11:49:51 AM



-- Edited by glad on Sunday 25th of January 2015 11:52:33 AM



-- Edited by glad on Sunday 25th of January 2015 12:41:37 PM



-- Edited by glad on Sunday 25th of January 2015 12:43:11 PM

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~*Service Worker*~

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I'm so sorry for the loss of your twins, that must have been a terrible thing for you and it does not sound as if you've had much chance to grieve.

I completely understand your need to get away from your wife, it is a crazy making situation.

Perhaps having the children to take care of would hinder your recuperation. But I can't help worrying about how you will feel with your children being left with their mother considering the state that she is in. It does not sound like a safe situation and if they are not safe will it be possible for you to relax and detach from the situation? I care about you and since your children need you it is important that you do what you need to to get your strength back. So I'm wondering if there anything that you can do to secure their safety before you leave? Can they go to their grandmother for a couple of weeks? I know it is unlikely but is there any possibility that your wife would go and stay in the hotel instead of you?

Sending prayers and support, and I wish I could send you Mary Poppins. (((((Hugs))))))



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~*Service Worker*~

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You can do this with the right kind of help, AW. Your reality may not match what you hoped would happen but from what you've said, you are a caring and protective father who knows how to take care of your children. You can do it with trust in your HP, your self, and the Al-Anon program. There were times I wanted to pack a suitcase and run away from the reality of my life. But, my kids were too important for me to check out of life and hide in the shadows somewhere. You can do this one day at a time.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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I wondered how you were doing AW. Its your book? Is what I wanted to say. Leaving with five kids is logistically a nightmare. I don't think people appreciate the simple difficulty of numbers alone. This rare the Samaritan who'd open their door to six people but common the critics who'd condemn the truly helpless. If you are truly ready to move on from her, find out what help is available. You're a  man with five kids to feed, it pulls my conscience and I'm not a fan of the father brigade thanks to my own experiences, lol. Come to some meetings in the meantime. All the problems are still going to be where they were left so yknow nothing to lose. As to physically leaving alone.....it can and sadly does get to that point. In your situation I forgot to remember,, where ever I go there I am. There is hope and help in ala non. Keep coming back I'm glad you're here.



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AW: I've been thinking about you and your family. I think you let us know that you belonged to the RCC. Being the oldest of 10, I know the strain that multiple little ones and my Mom's declining health put on my Dad and my Mom. I'm wondering if you haven't done it already if maybe asking your pastor if there are folks in your church who can help come in to do laundry, bring meals, tend to your wife a bit and give you a break so you can get out at least a few days a week might be a temporary solution? Catholic Family Services and maybe the Diocese could also be two places to seek in home help for awhile? I don't think St. Vincent DePaul helps with that, but it is usually staffed by some really great people, so you might be able to find some help there, too? Continued prayers. You and your wife are both going through a very rough patch here and it won't always be this way. (((AW)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig



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Sending you love and support on this journey! We are here, vent it out.

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Sending you love and support on your journey always! BreakingFree

Al-Anon/Alateen Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 800-344-2666

" Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional."

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