The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
A posting from Andromeda reminded me of something.
I played bass in a band until a couple of years ago where our keyboard player wrote a lot of originals. One of my favorites was a song called "My Reality is Skewed", it is about how our realities are skewed because we are spiritual beings in a physical body. It had a very Pink Floyd kind of sound, I just loved playing it, and listening to the words.
He was a saved addict who, while the tenure of our band wore on, became more and more erratic. He died of a sudden heart attack at 48, just a couple years ago. If I had known about addiction what I know now, I would have treated him differently, and understood what his erratic behaviors were all about. I would have had some very deep conversations with him, I'm sure. As it was, I just thought he was a flake. I don't think he ever used again, but he was definitely not an emotionally sober person the last couple of years of his life.
I miss him. Strange thing is, I miss him even more because I think I lost someone who I could have shared some things with that I didn't even understand at the point where he died.
I worked with a lot of people with addictions, mental illness, severe emotional disorders. I would wait and wait with them and in some cases, something profoundly true would usher forth in ways that amazed me. Unfortunately, that waiting sometimes took years. In many cases, although they could function to some degree in life, living with them was dangerous in many ways for their friends and loved ones.
Maybe you could have had very deep conversations with him, but maybe not. The fact that you were willing to play in his band and learn his music must have been an edifying experience for him? That must have brought him great joy.
I also worked with lots of street people, homeless people and people who often just didn't make sense most of the time. Check that. I shared life with them as much as I could do it. What I learned from them was that the hardest part of being them was that they were invisible to people. What they loved was to be seen. Just seen. Nothing much more than that.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 23rd of January 2015 08:38:57 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 23rd of January 2015 08:48:21 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Friday 23rd of January 2015 08:52:41 PM
My reality gets skewed and I have never used...just wanted to throw that in. Yes, I, too would have treated people in my life differently had I known what I know. I would have been kinder, more accepting and mindful of their gifts. I know better now, so I do better and, I realized earlier in one of my previous posts, I have more amends to make.
Thank you for your wisdom and awareness Kenny. I am so grateful to alanon and the tools, because today I can now interact with my family in a loving , compassionate, manner without unrealistic expectations, or my former judgmental, blaming manner.
I use music a lot for my Step 11... for me it is a way in... I listen to you-tube clips a lot- picking up on those numerous influences over a lifetime... I missed my musical vocation- I sing in the local choir and the choir master says i have natural pitch... I can see that now, after all these years...
...late last year I bought a beginners keyboard... writing the tune for a song to be sung on our veterans day here... it has some chance of being sung...
just a one finger ditty... I have a very old friend who can arrange the piece and put it in proper notes...
a lot of things i have seen in my life i don't talk about much... a great thread, with lovely contributions... thanks...
KennyFenderjazz wrote:it is about how our realities are skewed because we are spiritual beings in a physical body. It had a very Pink Floyd kind of sound, I just loved playing it, and listening to the words.
If I had known about addiction what I know now, I would have treated him differently, and understood what his erratic behaviors were all about. As it was, I just thought he was a flake. I don't think he ever used again, but he was definitely not an emotionally sober person the last couple of years of his life.
I miss him. Strange thing is, I miss him even more because I think I lost someone who I could have shared some things with that I didn't even understand at the point where he died.
Dear Kenny
What a nice post!!! Dunno how I missed reading this, but glad I saw it tonight...
I can so relate to our being spirits in a physical body....this one little fact has caused me, albeit stormy at times, to really find and connect to my HP within me...to the universe......
I like what you said about if you had known more about addiction you would have treated him differently...
this wonderful program has enabled me to show a lot more compassion for addicts...Even tho i don't support staying with an active A or NA, I do feel for them...I don't treat them like the are "less then" anymore b/c but for the grace of God, there go I.....
so sorry you lost your friend!!!
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Great share, Kenny...