Hi everyone. 

I just have to get this off my chest and want to share a part of my life experience. 

My father has been an active alcoholic all his life, from a very young age. He has gone to jail for 3 years, nearly killed himself twice in accidents and currently he is being prosecuted for the sexual abuse of my baby sister. 

I am the oldest (32 years old) and I have 3 younger sisters. 

My grandfather and great grandfather were both alcoholics, however my father has never admitted that he has a problem. On top of being an alcoholic, he also has no ethics. His marriage to my mother was horrible, and the things he did to her I cannot even begin to explain. 

However, when they split, my mother always told us not to blame him, as he had always been a good father to us, at that time. 

He is a dominator, manipulator and tries to control everyone around him. If he does not get his way, he will punish us. He uses money as a tool to get what he wants, and believes he can act however he wants in turn. No one in his family has ever put their foot down. His addiction is just ignored, and he lives a life of lies and he convinces himself that he is fine as long as he has a job and believes his own lies. Me and my sisters always feel like we are alone in this battle, none of his family members ever believe what we are saying, that he needs help. The only one who knows the truth is our mother. 

When the case with my sister surfaced 6 months ago, we were all in shock. This did not happen to us, the 3 oldest sisters. However, the youngest has another mother and she is considerably younger than we are, so she was always alone with him, as he had split with her mother. We all knew he was drinking when she was at his house, but never even fathomed that something like this could ever happen. It happened 3 times, from the age of 6-11 years old.

Last fall, when the case was made known to everyone, he ordered us to believe him, and told our mother to convince us that he was innocent. He started lying to everyone, saying he never drank when he had her over at his house. The things he said were so obviously not true because me and my sisters were there to witness all of what had happened, and he blatantly lied about certain things. E.g. when my car broke down he drove drunk with her in the back seat to come and help me. He threw pots and pans at my other sisters and screamed and shouted all the time. He didn't admit any of it.

Me and my sisters decided last fall we couldn't do this anymore. He just kept lying and acting like a mad man. We gave him a chance to explain why he was lying about drinking when he had her but he didn't listen nor admit to anything. We then decided to cut all ties with him and told him we wouldn't speak with him until he went to rehab.

In the past years he has already isolated himself from everyone, and he was never in touch, never interested in our lives. Just an email here and there about money and then we saw him at christmas. So When we sent the email explaining we would cut all ties, he ignored it. And when christmas came he just acted like nothing ever happened. When we didn't want to see him, he called us disrespectful, and decided that we all had sided with the mother of his child, whom he blames for everything, including 'coaching her daughter into lying about this sexual abuse'. 

I saw where this was headed, that he would ignore what we asked, and keep on drowning us with angry emails and spreading extreme hate about his ex. 

So I sent him an email saying I would block his email address and to write me a letter in the post when he was in rehab. 

He went ballistic. He stormed into my sisters apartment and told her to take all her things and move out, since he was her landlord. Among other things, including asking for money he had loaned me, he was just closing the door on us. He is giving his four daughters up, for alcohol. Instead of actually facing himself. But since he is a functioning alcoholic (drinks at night and has control over day to day activities), he believes he has no problems. He does not see, that it is actually the behavior and lying, that stems from the drinking, that is the problem.

Now, I realize how codependent this sounds, but he makes me feel guilty for demanding that he goes to rehab, because it is not the drinking itself that is the problem, but the behavior and lies that it brings. 

I grieved this man a long time ago. But now I am seeing my sisters grieving him and it is so difficult. 

I know he will never change. I just know it. And I can't even have a sliver of hope in my heart because it will only hurt me. As it has done so many times before.

The problems and drama will never stop. He has spread hatred for this women (his ex) for 8 years now. He is sickly obsessed with blaming her. And it is all he talks about, to everyone. And before her, it was my mother. 

I don't even know why I decided to put this here. This is just a small part of my story. 

I guess I am just looking for strength to continue to shut him out. Because I know it is the only thing to be done. I live abroad, fled away, but still this affects me so much. I can't get away even if I try. And it paralyzes me in life. I have not had a relationship for 7 years now, and I believe I am very closed off to men, because of him. I am lost and don't know how to change. I have had hypnotherapy which has helped me massively, but I still cannot seem to open up towards love.

Thank you so much for reading. 

Only us will ever know how heartbreaking this addiction really is. 

xxx

-- Edited by Layla83 on Friday 23rd of January 2015 02:03:16 AM